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Invite to wedding when heavily pregnant

79 replies

Rhubarb · 14/09/2003 15:56

Dh and I have just been invited to his cousin's wedding which will be at the Barbican Centre in London in late October, by which time I shall be nearly 8 months pregnant. We would quite like to go as we've always promised dd that we would show her London Bridge, Big Ben and the Tower of London. But can anyone prepare me for how posh this Barbican Centre is likely to be? Is there anywhere cheap we can stay in the vicinity? And any tips on how to get through a wedding whilst heavily pregnant (no doubt watching dh get roaringly drunk and feeling quite a bit left out too!) would be more than welcome. Plus it might be nice to meet a few fellow Mumsnetters for a quick drink if there is anyone around! (Scummy?)

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Rhubarb · 24/09/2003 10:57

Oh Prufrock - what's wrong? Why are you throwing up? Hang on - you're not preggers too are you???

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prufrock · 24/09/2003 11:12

Yes, and hating hating hating it.

bloss · 24/09/2003 13:06

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Rhubarb · 24/09/2003 20:47

Bloss, I'd love to!
Prufrock, I think you might have told me before? Sorry, my brain is not what it was. Many congrats and sorry about the sickness, it's awful isn't it?

Well, the wedding trip is definitely off I'm sad to say. I tried to talk to him again tonight, I asked him if it would really spoil his enjoyment if he had to cut back on his drink and not smoke. He said to place limits on his intake would spoil his enjoyment. So again I asked him about just sticking to 4 pints on Fri, I'm sure his mate could live with that, and no fags. He said he wasn't thinking of smoking fags, it was dope. That was the death knell really.

He and his mate go back a long way, I appreciate that. I also know that they don't keep in contact that much and that dh felt guilty about staying over at theirs for a wedding. So he says it would be "expected" of him to have more than a few beers and share some dope in return for the room, although this hasn't been said by his friend. What really really hurts is that if I said nothing, if I just went along with it, he would leave me in a strange house, 8 months pregnant, with our dd, whilst he went out, got drunk and doped up, and he would not consider this unreasonable at all. Would not even consider it a problem until I said something. Then accuses me of nagging.

I did mention me and dd staying somewhere else on Fri night and his eyes lit up, so I thought no, why give him that satisfaction? Why give him the green light to get ratted and doped up? Anything could happen when I'm that far gone and he'd be useless to me. I feel that he has no consideration for my feelings at all. It's all very upsetting. I've told him we are not going, much as it hurts to do so. I don't think I will go out with him on his birthday either, let him call his precious mates up, I'm just the missus at home, I don't matter. I seriously want to leave him at this stage, just walk out and not look back. We used to be best mates, now I'm just a wife, a pain in the arse. Screw him.

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ScummyMummy · 25/09/2003 01:19

Rhuby, hon, I've only just caught up with this thread. I wish you were coming to London because I'd love to meet you. Hope your h sorts himself out. If he thinks you're "just" a wife he's got a lot of learning ahead of him, because it's so clear that you are a wonderful rounded woman with many sides indeed to your character. Feel better babe- and if you change your mind about coming down I'd be honoured and delighted to meet up anytime. Sounds like that goes for loads of people on here so if you can't make it you'll be gatecrashing your own fanclub's party! I'll bet we could even drag the custardy one up to the big smoke if you came down. Think about it, anyway.
Whatever you do, take care, hon. I'm thinking of you. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

ScummyMummy · 25/09/2003 02:07

didn't mean gatecrashing did I? the opposite word to that is what I meant... my eyes have gone square from catching up with long threads from trhe past few days. v tired- night night now.

Batters · 25/09/2003 09:38

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CountessDracula · 25/09/2003 09:50

Oh Rhubarb sorry you are feeling so down.

If it's any consolation my dh got totally wasted when we went to a wedding when I was 8.5 months pregnant (and I was driving!) But then I didn't have another little one to look after and we stayed at my parents so different altogether.

Do do do come down if you can and we can all go out. Is there any way you could leave your dd with your parents or something so we could go out on the Friday night? I'm pretty sure I'm around that weekend (though mil is having horrible chemo etc and we do keep going down there at short notice, however could always go on the Sat if we are.)

doormat · 25/09/2003 09:53

Rhubarb, all these offers for you are really touching. People can be so kind

Rhubarb men can be so self bloody centred but dont get upset, plan your revenge once the baby has arrived.
If I was in your position I would go and take up these generous and lovely offers.Leave your dh to his own devices.
And then once the baby has been born and everything has settled down I would bloody piss off one night and leave him to it minding the children.Let him STEW in his own bloody juices that he has made and worry about you all night.

I find it weird that men accuse us of nagging but when they do it to us they are looking out for our welfare.Huh!!

Hugs coming your way.

pie · 25/09/2003 10:40

Just wanted to add my hugs, I too would be chuffed to hang out with you (but with D-day looming thats not likely this time round). I'm sorry to hear that your DH isn't as thoughtful as you would hope. I think that taking the money and going off for a lovely weekend by yourself or with DD is a great idea, if it is practical at all. You've inspired me in these last few months to get help when I simply didn't feel like it, and I'm sure you'll continue to be the great lady you obviously are...I'm welling up

janh · 25/09/2003 11:43

Rhubarb, I think you should go down with DD on your own that weekend - take the car, tell DH you're just going out somewhere and bugger off down to London and take advantage of all these lovely offers! Or even go another weekend, sooner.

I know it wouldn't get over the basic problem of him refusing to make a few little sacrifices for you but I bet you would have a great time, something to look forward to and then nice memories to get you over the last few weeks - go on go on go on!

(Obviously you'd tell him where you were when you got there!)

bloss · 25/09/2003 13:22

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Enid · 25/09/2003 13:47

rhubarb, no advice but I would love to hear that you had gone and stayed with a mumsnetter! Hope you sort something out and your reaction to all this sounds completely normal and understandable to me. Love E x

Rhubarb · 25/09/2003 14:49

I can't really answer any of these right now , I can't stop crying long enough. I'll be back soon.

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WideWebWitch · 25/09/2003 16:12

Rhubarb, I haven't been around for a while so I've only just seen this. I so sympathise, I'd be mightily peed off too in your position. Just wanted to say I agree with everyone else - he's being selfish and I think you should try to go, or, if you can't, arrange another night away on your own. Hugs from here too.

Rhubarb · 26/09/2003 10:30

Thank you for the kind replies, all of you. I'm having a bit of a blip at the moment, dh is here with me. I'm going to take a bit of time-out and will be back later. Thanks xxx

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bloss · 26/09/2003 10:43

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GRMUM · 26/09/2003 11:24

Thinking of you Rhubarb xx

janh · 26/09/2003 11:50

Ohhhhh, Rhubarb, do hope it's just a little blip! Hugs {{{}}}

dinosaur · 26/09/2003 22:28

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This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

ScummyMummy · 26/09/2003 22:32

Take care, sweetheart. Sorry to hear about the blip.

bloss · 29/09/2003 23:41

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Rhubarb · 02/10/2003 14:38

Oh Bloss, thank you! I just needed a bit of time out for a while, things seemed very intense and my emotions were getting hyper and confused. The wedding trip is definitely off, sometimes it is better to avoid potential arguments than to face them head-on. Instead we have booked a meal and a ghost tour in a famously haunted local place, and we're going to stay overnight in a hotel, his mum will have dd. It's something that I want to do for a change. None of his friends will be there and I will be 3 weeks away from giving birth, so he WILL be on his best behaviour. And I think the place is non-smoking too! I might even have a word with the organisers, see if I can give him a little fright of my own - revenge!

It has been tough, but my CPN has been great, and is going to meet dh next week to talk about how he can support me a bit more over the coming 8 weeks. This happened last time, it seemed to peak around this time. I'm trying to keep busy and distracted, trying to focus on the end! Oh I do hope it's early!

What I would like to do is perhaps come to a Mumsnet meet-up next year? It'll probably take 3 months before I can leave the baby overnight as I will be b/f, so if any London meet-ups are arranged for March, I would love to be included. And perhaps I could scrounge a bed for the night? That'll be something I could look forward to!
Thanks everyone, I really should pay Mumsnet more for the support I've had on here!

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Tinker · 02/10/2003 15:17

Glad to hear this Rhubarb. Seems like a good compromise solution. See you knew he wasn't a bad bloke really

aloha · 02/10/2003 15:32

Oh, Rhubarb,just picked up this thread again (I'm terrible for only looking at 'live conversations" and while I'm sorry you got so low, I am glad you've arranged what sounds like a fantastic weekend - much more civilised. Also the CPN coming round sounds like a great idea. Not long now! And then you can come to London! Hurrah!
Have a really good time. Hope those trousers still fit! Thinking of you.