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Caught redhanded being spoken about. What would you have done?

200 replies

tooshyshy · 03/10/2005 14:06

As this is a sentsitive matter I have changed my name although it would hardly take Miss Marple to figure out who I am.

Ok, this is going to be a little long winded but here goes.

A little while back Dh and I were really lucky to come into quite a bit of money, enough to sort out our debts buy a decent house outright and a couple of cars with enough money for a rainy day. We considered DH giving up his job but he decided against it and is pretty happy now he?s cut his hours down.

Don?t get me wrong, I am not trying to brag or be showy but it sets the scene for what happened last weekend which has really shaken me.

A few months ago we were asked to be (first time)god parents to our friend?s daughter, we were thrilled about it and that ceremony happened in August, for the sake of clarity I?ll call our god-daughterher Emily.

Last weekend we were invited out to Sunday lunch by those friends and their family who we are also starting to know quite well and there was one other family who we?d never met and were introduced to. We had a lovely time and towards the end of the meal Emily?s Uncle asked us if we?d like to be their son (Declan?s) god parents too, naturally we said yes, we were really delighted and we all had a little laugh about us being the role model god parents etc .

Anyway, I hope I am explaining this story properly. I went to the loo in the restaurant and whilst there I was shocked by what I heard, well no shocked isn?t the right word, gutted I think would be more appropriate.

Emily?s aunt was telling someone else, I wasn?t sure who that she had asked us to be god parents and we?d agreed which was fab as it would mean we?d get her son (Declan) huge gifts for life and he?d be ?sorted? for Christmases and birthdays, she also said she didn?t really like either my Dh or myself much but that wouldn?t bother her much as we?d come up with the goodies like we had done with Emily.

I just sat there in the cubicle trying not to breathe, hoping they wouldn?t hear me , then fantasizing about coming out and facing them, unfortunately I just didn?t have the bottle to do the latter (wish now in hindsight that I had) I was just way too embarrassed.

It?s left me feeling betrayed and used. I am now even wondering how genuine our relationship ever was with Emily?s mum and dad. I?m really confused and even questioning even really old friendships. Their motives, are they interested in me or do they see us as cash cows that they can milk when they need.

Sorry to ramble on but I haven?t managed to tell Dh yet as I know he would of blown his top if he?d heard about this. Look I know it's hardly like anyone's died or anything and I understand there will probably be some who will think this matter totally trivial but how on earth do I handle this situation? I feel like the rug has been pulled from under me right now.

OP posts:
chipmonkey · 03/10/2005 20:01

Good girl, tooshyshy, well done! Karen sounds lovely!

LadyCodofCodford · 03/10/2005 20:02

ooh too shy who ARE you
give us a clue

WideWebWitch · 03/10/2005 20:09

How awful. I wouldn't be able to keep my mouth shut about something like this. I'd probably decline both tbh in a fit of pique. I suppose it's not really fair if Emily's parents suffer because they're related to moneygrabbing cow face but hey, they all seem to have massively misunderstood the whole godparent thing.

GeorginaA · 03/10/2005 20:22

tooshyshy - that sounds like a great chat you had with your friend, and I'm really glad you saw her in person - surely that puts your mind at rest that Emily's parents didn't view you like that? Good luck with the letter!

meggymoo · 03/10/2005 20:31

Message withdrawn

Milge · 03/10/2005 20:43

Tss - glad you seem to be making progress. I think writing is an excellent idea, and Twigletts letter hits the spot. I am godmother to the eldest daughter of a school friend, and the only time she gets in touch with me is in March and December- she rings while i'm at work and leaves a message on answerphone saying "in case you were wondering what to get the girls..." and leaves her three childrens entire christmas list. I dutifully send off a load of books for them all(even though i am godmother only to the eldest and not the other 2), and that is my godmotherly duty done for another 6 months. I don't hear anything from them inbetween, and feel like a cheque book. Feel my blood pressure rising as i am typing this, and hope i will be courageous enough one year not to provide material goods, as that is all i am wanted for. I'd get out while the going is good, and am very for you that Emilys parents seem to be genuine friends and not money grabbing materialists.

LadyCodofCodford · 03/10/2005 20:51

god dont oyu get anyhting form her for your bday?
i told my godmotheres NOT ot buy fot he whole gang
but they persist

edam · 03/10/2005 22:22

Phew! Glad that your friend (I mean Emily's mum) dislikes this dreadful woman too and was so supportive.
Good on you.

hunkerpumpkin · 03/10/2005 22:30

Glad to hear that it went so well with E's mum, TSS.

Milge... Some people have the manners of an ill-mannered thing!

mandieb2004 · 03/10/2005 22:51

Buy him what a godmother should ( a bible ) and then suggest his mother read it .

edam · 03/10/2005 22:58

I got told off for missing my god-mother's birthday today (I rely on my mother to warn me.. which must mean we are both in trouble). Aaarrrggghhh.

But, in my defence, she never sends me a birthday card! I know I'm all grown up, but can't see why it's not reciprocal arrangement (except that she's 86 so probably entitled to expect a bit of respect). She is lovely, btw. Just a bit odd on the birthday front.

Octobernow · 03/10/2005 23:03

What a cow! I think you have handled the situation excellently (I also would have been too scared to confront them in the toilets). I have let my Godmother role drop after six years of sending birthday and Christmas presents, never getting so much as a thank you (letter or call or text) and said 'friends' never acknowledging my own dds. really.

Octobernow · 03/10/2005 23:04

Not your Godmother, Edam I meant Declan's mum.

QueenVictoria · 03/10/2005 23:42

Soooo glad im not getting my DD or DS christened! What a minefield it all is!

Good for you toosh!

QueenVictoria · 03/10/2005 23:43

(my sil rang up and left a message one christmas to say that her DD's wanted a playstation i dont know why she thought we should spend over £100 on her kids!)

CreepyJess · 03/10/2005 23:44

QV what did you say to her??? And what DID you buy them? How bloody rude...

QueenVictoria · 03/10/2005 23:46

I got my DP to deal with it, but since she's his big sis he crumpled and bought it! . They didnt get birthday presents for a while though.....

She's a bit mad though, i try not to upset her. She's been sectioned before you know......

ThePrisoner · 03/10/2005 23:49

OK tooshy - you've obviously got a vacancy now for a godchild, and I'd like to volunteer my services. I don't require very expensive presents, just the occasional bar of chocolate and diamond trainer socks. I'm house-trained, but promise not to visit so long as you don't forget my birthday ...

TrickorTwiglett · 04/10/2005 08:52

am glad its all sorted and you're feeling better about it

horrible horrible situation

Lizzylou · 04/10/2005 09:00

Well done TSS, Karen sounds lovely and I bet you feel so much better for getting that all out in the open.
The letter is fantastic (well done Twiglett) and should do the trick...what an awful woman.

melissasmummy · 04/10/2005 13:50

Not yet read the replies, but had to have my say, sorry if already said!

Trivial? When somebody has blatently said they are using you for your money? I don't think so.

I would write them a letter, saying that you overheard them & in view of this you are retracting your acceptance to be god-parents to this child. Tell them that they should be ashamed that their priorities for their child was not to be loved, guided & nurtured but to be spoilt & they saw you as the perfect oppurtunity!

melissasmummy · 04/10/2005 13:55

If somebody had told me they had chosen god-parents because they were wealthy, I would "ohh & ahh" I would tell them they were shallow & wouldn't want to be associated with them!

Pixiefish · 04/10/2005 14:00

I'd tell dh and take it from there. Would deffo not agree to be godparents to Declan

Pixiefish · 04/10/2005 14:03

Sorry- should have read the whole post before replying. Well done for telling dh- I would tell them where to go and why though

melissasmummy · 04/10/2005 14:18

Sorry, should be "wouldn't ohh & ahh"

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