Welcome to the Seventh Heaven Tea Room (BYOB. Biscuits, crisps and cake provided)

[Catitainahatita]

Hello and welcome to the seventh incarnation of the tearoom.

If you have found us by chance and/or curiousity you must know that the tearoom is a virtual safe haven for all those seeking a friendly word, a good cuppa and plenty to snack on. By virtue of its magic nature, no food can cause any physical damage, so chocolate, alcohol, transfat and all such can be consumed guilt- (and magically calorie-) free.

We have a wide range of soft-furnishing to relax on; a lovely garden with a swing and a ha ha; a variety of animals; a spa and (for some unknown reason) an apidistra.

Everyone is welcome, if you have one child, ten or none at all. We are a tolerant and fisticuffs-free zone. Instead we employ our energies swooning at Mellors the Gardner cum handiman thinking a silly things to get up to.

Please come in and say hello. You never know, you may end up joining us ...

Can I have a drink too please?

I like safe havens also, particularly ones I can get tiddly in

Welcome MaryBS, but I warn you, you may have to dance too

My trouble with dogs is that I really like the bigger breeds - I fancy a Weimaraner. But how about an Italian Greyhound?

I used to do a bit of line dancing, if that's any use. I always thought it was Karaoke after too much to drink? That and a kebab?

I like Jeremy Clarkson and Top Gear. But I don't have a dog.

Nice to see you, MaryBS. The joy of the tea room is that even the most potent booze won't give you a hangover. And one of many important things I have learnt from Amber is that if you cut a piece of cheese (or, I assume, cake) in half, all the calories fall out.

Bottoms up!

No, no, bishops! That's a drinking toast, not an invitation to practise your synchronised aerobics exercises. Mellors? Could you please escort their Graces back to the Bishop's Palace?

Hmmm to those dogs.

As I think I said before, Tea, it is probably not the size that is important (unless you really do live in a shoe) but the amount of exercise they need. Big and lazy also works. (Just described myself!)

Lovely day mostly in the garden today, after failing to do battle with RailEurope's website and having to book by phone and pay their booking fee because I couldn't face the argument.

For the first time ever, Wriggle helped in the garden and I got a (minscule amount) of things done. Actually wasted a lot of time myself by picking a literal armful of three-foot high buttercups in the vegetable garden because I couldn't bear to just cut them down. Doing that of course wasted nearly all of my Wriggle-free time while she was watering the flowers with the contents of her paddling pool, so then I had to let her help me.

Oh my GAWD - Bishops' Nads! What next!

CMOT - what's with the Italian Greyhound? They sip Chianti and wear little leather loafers?

Racing, it is good you have found your inner flower fairy today - perhaps picking the buttercups will make it easier to find racingpig? My garden envy continues unabated. It took me two seconds to water the window boxes. Gardening done.

Good grief, I turn my back for a moment, and just look at the mess! My hay pile has been kicked all over everywhere, and there is dirty crockery in my galvanised bucket! I suppose that was the overflow from the sink?

What is the Tea Room coming to?

Carrot anyone?

OK, I can't stand it any longer - I'm doing the washing up - and don't anyone say anything about me using my tassley tail to do the washing up with!

Daisy! Remember your manners, dear. If you put on your bifocals - I find wearing them on a chain around the neck keeps them handy - you would see that the bishops were perfectly attired. Their sudden breaking into a synchronised aerobics display was, though, rather a surprise, to say the least!

I do like the idea of finding one's inner flower fairy. I heart window boxes. I am thinking of growing some carrots in a pot. If they thrive, I will bring some in for Donk to sample.

Donk - any more news from your dad?

Of to bed now to dream of buttercups (I hope).

Wriggle has important day tomorrow - first time staying with friend and his mum for the morning while I go to work. FriendsMum has had four children and been a nanny and is certain that Wriggle will cry for probably five and certainly no more than 15 minutes before settling down to play, but I am very nervous! If I left her with AgedParent and went into work for the morning then returned to pick her up for toddler group that would be an extra hour's driving for me, so this way is more sensible ...isn't it?

Yes, it is more sensible. I am sure FriendsMum will have all sorts of strategies for keeping her amused. But would a (((hug))) or (((supportive pat on the arm))) or ((Donk's galvanised bucket refilled with gin and a little tonic))) be of any help here?

My mission tomorrow is to find a sadist skilled beautician to rip the hairs from my legs. Today has been my first day without tights and it's not a pretty sight. Is it still a badge of feminist pride to have hirsute legs?

I met some lovely Italian Greyhounds some time ago - they were like whippets in terms of size and build, but greyhounds in nature - more outgoing, less timid (and they actually put their ears up rather than having them glued to their head all the time.

Donk - I think you will need to get Mellors working a bit harder in the tearoom as well as the garden - he'll have to help you out with the hay pile - but you might also suggest that he mends the lawnmower - otherwise the buttercups are really going to get out of control.

MBDTK - things have settled down with Dad again at the moment, and he is now half way through his RT! Time flies... (although I swear that the last few days were at least a year long!). Thanks for asking!

The NNMBs have done all the drying up! They only broke one or two cups... They were very sweet wanting to help out.

Oi! That's my galvanised bucket - and I'd just filled it with hot chocolate (laced with a small smidgin of brandy)!

By the way - where is Mellors? Has he decamped to the (whispers) other tearoom again?

Ooops. So sorry. I thought it was empty, Donk.

oooh, Italian greyhounds - I remember the Grand Sophy had one of those, a little fairy-like thing that hid in the folds of her skirts (sorry, non-Heyer fans!)

I want one of those OR a whippet - they don't need a lot of exercise at all, as I'm sure I've said a few pages back....

Did someone call?

I haven't dared venture back to that other tea room, as the ladies were so demanding. Besides, this is my home.

I've been in the shed, making this bookcase. I wanted to organise all the car magazines and engine blueprints in the priest's hole, so they're ready for Amber.

Thank heavens. Mellors, when you've finished, could we have a hand making the tea room all ship shaped and Bristol fashioned again? It's got a bit out of hand...

...and the lawn mower needs mending, before the triffids buttercups take over the lawn!

At your service, ladies. You have only to call.

evening all. thanks for doing teh washing up donk. NMBs have been a tad lazy busy today- out on the patio with boy and little friend and some gravel and a few toy diggers and dumper trucks.

We definitely need to add something about 'expert advice on what pet to get' to the description of services offered in the tearoom, next time we move.

What a coincidence, Donk's bucket actually says 'donk' when in collision with a glass. Anyway - absent friends.

to absent friends oh yes.