The SIXTH Tea Room - Everyone Welcome

[Jacksmama]

The One Child Tea Room started as a sort of sanctuary for anyone who was a bit tired of the controversy surrounding having one child only, for whatever reason. The topic seems to attract that sort of thing. So we thought we needed a place where a cup of tea and a muffin and a place to sit down and relax was needed - and judging by the number of visitors and regulars, it really was much needed!

The tea room has since undergone a few, shall we say, metamorphoses... it started as a charming bricks and mortar sort of place, with a lovely English garden, a ha-ha in the distance, and wonderful mismatched crockery.

But since the tea room is truly magical, at night, the glitter ball comes out, and booze and sofas canapees are served. During the daytime, there is a stable with (at last count) two horses, Earl and Lady Grey, who appreciate being exercised. We also have (at last count) two guinea pigs, RacingPig and RacingMissPiggy... but since they seem to have been up to no good, that count may increase shortly.

In its most recent incarnation, the tea room became a yurt, and we had Mellors The Gardener show up in buckskin trousers and no shirt (which caused several of the regulars to either fan themselves with whatever magazines were available, or faint prettily, preferably into Mellors' arms), and there seems to have been an errant bison or two.
Oh, and we also had the Naked Mohawk Babies - they were originally cake decorations (for the life of me, I cannot find the link right now) - and they have since taken on lives of their own, adding much amusement to the tea room.

Decorations include cut-outs of George Clooney, Wesley Snipes, and any other hunks of burning love we can think of. Oh, and peace lilies, and (since nothing seems to be able to kill the damn thing) an aspidistra.

For those who are shy of company, or fleeing controversial threads, we have a Priest Hole to hide relax in.

Please remember that the tea room is magical - no amount of Bolly swilled will cause a hangover, allergies of any type mean nothing, so you can eat and drink whatever you like, and if you don't fancy the distressed-looking couch, a brand-new comfy arm chair will appear in seconds.

EVERYONE is welcome, whether you have one child, none, or ten. In fact, one of our regulars is currently pregnant!!

The only strict rule we enforce is no fisticuffs. Anyone who behaves disagreeably will be ejected by Mellors (fully clad).

Most important of all - the tea room is meant for fun and support. It's perfectly acceptable, and in fact, mandatory, to be a little unhinged yourself.

Welcome all!!

(I've had a somewhat trying day so I will leave the crating and moving of china, and the actual shaping of the tea room, to everyone else... I did hear rumours of a spa being added, however, so please, book me in for a pedicure, will you? Thanks!)

I know. It's not meant to be and if there were moreof us we wouldn't be going off for our two weeks' French course in Cannes, or all the other things we will be able to do.

Isn't lego wonderful? Imagine life before lego!

Actually, life before lego was probably full of tasteful wooden building blocks. I must ask my Aged Parent.

Just dropped in on said friend this morning and her house was full of tasteful wooden toys. How come we have been innundated with plastic crap presents from kind friends who frequent charity shops?

Another (((hug))) for racing. I will certainly never be moving on and I shall always be here in one child land. And I know it's painful, but Mistle is right about the positive aspects. One of MadBadBaby's friends is the oldest of four and I have noticed, for example, that her mum very rarely, if ever, comes to school performances and the like because the logistics are just impossible. Whereas I am always there .

Three cheers for lego - did you read about it in last Saturday's Guardian?

A cup of tea, anybody?

Tasteful wooden building blocks are vastly over-rated, in my experience. They don't stay up - even the slightest movement in the room recreates the San Francisco earthquake - and the range of what you can actually make is far more limited. Whereas with Lego, you can make anything up to and including the Taj Mahal and it won't fall down overnight. I am a Luddite in many respects but I do like plastic toys for their washability.

I agree though about the lurid colours.

Lego is my absolute favourite all-time toy. When my mum bought DS some for his b/day I was made up even though he is too young really to make anything. I have oodles of fun making up the police building (only for DS to destroy it in three easy knocks, but still...)

I don't think DH has had time to look at the damage to the car. I have confessed and he was sympathetic. However, once he sees the damage he may be less so.

My marking is finally finished. I relate to Mistelthrush´s tutor at university though Having your essay in the middle is always a good plan regardless of how alcoholic your tutor is. When I first start marking I always have high hopes on the quality. By the time I have read the first two this is dashed and I am thinking "did these people listen to a word I was saying? Have they read anything at all? Consequently I dole out stingy marks. By the time you are up to 10 or 11, you have mellowed out and can see that some are better than others and are nicer accordingly. By the last 10, you want so much for the torture to end that you end up not reading the essays properly and probably not being fair with the grading.

Knowing myself, I tend to sort the essays into piles of grades; then the following day, skim over them to check that I am not being unfair and haven't missed the next Eric Hobsbawm in my general haste to finish.

HazelSLUTS????????

Good grief, what were my fingers thinking when I typed that????

HazelNUTS, obviously.

Although judging by how the NMB's were cavorting, they might quite like hazelsluts...

JM - yes, clearly in line with the lurex shorts which seem to have been in evidence recently....

Now look here, I've been up in that attic and there's No Elephants Up There. For a start they wouldn't fit through the access flap! Honestly, the strange ideas some people in this tearoom have about what's possible in real life and what isn't...

RS, you need a large cup of tea, I think. Or something slightly stronger.

Jackbunnysmama, a freudian slip?!

Lurex shorts? Have we strayed into Style and Beauty territory?

Any more biscuits left, Amber?

Er yes, no doubt a slip of some kind...

May I please have a biscuit and some tea?

Or, actually, I brought some more of the lemon drizzle cake. I had four pieces before it cooled... it's lovely!! Jackbaby kept running after me to mooch some more.

I was wondering more along the lines of what sort of 'truck' the elephants had....

But you can tell when they've been in the fridge because there are footprints in the custard.... [sorry!]

MadBad - very unlikely with the NMBs I think - last time I saw them there was still a significant amount of the coloured, flourescent sunscreen which cricketers seem to use being used as war paint. Interesting look with the feathers and lurex shorts...

I would have thought that the NMB would have been more "speedos" kind of lads... But perhaps the cloth nappies make such things difficult.

I've seen them in something that looks distressingly like speedos in terms of clingyness, but perhaps just a little longer in the leg and gold and shiny.....

Trunk!!!

There's no need to get too surreal.

I am back at the reports again. Or not, obviously.

RS - Clearly I have been reading too many Richard Scarry books as I don't see anything wrong with an elephant having a truck.... I mean, the Rhino has a power shovel....

3 down, 29 to go tonight.

I do wonder how anyone ever makes sense of real life if brought up on rhinos with power shovels. I don't think I have quite moved out of that phase. I am quite convinced that I am sitting in the corner of the tea room behind the aspidistra with my laptop and my reports.

I would be interested in how Amber found the task of making sense of life where rhinos don't have power shovels.

In fact, I am often curious about how you see things, Amber, but don't want to be constantly asking. Tell me if you would rather I didn't ask.

Well I can see you clear as day, RS. I don't know where you think you are but you look like you're in the tearoom to me.

Good going with the reports, btw. Keep at it! You will finish soon. [Jumping up and down supportive emoticon]

(Racingsnake, asking me about my life is a Dangerous Pursuit and may drive the inhabitants of the tearoom to strong drink/astonishment/smelling salts/the arms of Mellors. I can talk for days, weeks and months about it, y'know but you may prefer to nip over to the SN bit and read some of my 'day in the life of' and 'another day in the life of' threads on there (advanced search can uncover those thread titles for you). But yes, I'll answer anything, and can be persuaded to summarise.)

So far, if I'm not wrong, we may or may not have elephants in the fridge (evidence - footprints in the custard) or in the attic (with or without trunks or trucks). There could be a rhino with a power shovel, but its location is yet to be identified, I think. All seems quite normal for the tearoom as far as I can see.

Yes, there's more biscuits. And indeed possibly a glass of something splendid.

Amber - I am with RS on this one you see.... I have been waiting for an opening to tell you this...

The things I find very hard to deal with in life - like keeping my desk tidy and doing hard maths and taking my time to understand something 'inside out' are things you probably find very easy.

But the things you find really hard like noticing that someone looks a bit 'not themselves' I find pretty easy to spot.

Actually - I often wonder if there is a complete opposite of Aspergers and whether I have it! When I have a 'wobble in life' it usually is routed in being too slap-dash and/or too emotional! Which, from my understanding and experience, is basically the opposite of Aspergers syndrome.

Therefore it is really drifting into an almost wonderful fantasy world to imagine life through your eyes, Amber.

I have taught several aspergers children and each time I find that we make a good team. I think it is because I have too much of what they need and they have too much of what I need - so just by being ourselves we sort of help each other out in life!

mumsnet.com/Talk/1373/633025

I think that's one of the threads I mentioned.

Tea, nope, I'm not a very neat Aspie in real life, but I have an encyclopedic memory for where things are - not just my things, but everyone's things. Certain things Have To Be In the Right Place, though. Hard maths? Nope. I'm a visual ASD, which means I can do very good maths but only by visualising it, not calculating it, which takes longer. Understanding systems etc, yes. Definitely. And spotting detail you can't see/detecting sounds you can't hear.

As for me noticing people's emotions, no, I'm blind to them. Literally. My brain has no wiring to that bit, or rather it put that bit somewhere else in my brain with a 'dial-up speed' connection instead of your superfast broadband. Not a clue how people are feeling unless I really, really concentrate on clues for a while. People have to use words. It doesn't mean I don't care - I just can't see the things that I'm supposed to be able to see.

I'm quite unusual as someone with an ASD, because I'm fairly totally faceblind. Put a close friend of mine in a different outfit and put her hair up in a ponytail, and I won't know who she is. I lose my own son in shops and crowds. It makes life interesting at times.

And of course our brains insist there can only be one meaning for a word. If there's two, it shuts down and sulks and won't be reasoned with, so we always battle with illogical or duplicated words and sentences, or find them hilariously funny because they just don't make sense in that context.

The whole people-thing is fascinating: I can't feel any difference between vague acquaintance/best friend. None whatsoever. Apparently there's supposed to be a difference, though. Puzzling.

That sounds a really nice combination Tea!

Amber - that's really interesting about the relationships - how does it work with dh then (please ignore if you would prefer to!!!! )

And do you get dh and ds to wear similar clothes so that you can pick them out?

(I've always been lucky - my father sticks out above people - and dh is also quite tall too - its great for finding people in crowds (- although we also find each other with whistles which can also be handy))

What I don't understand, Amber, is how you are so good at visualising tea-room life, when I thought that you would be much better at totally oncrete things. Also you seem really good at word plays and suchlike jokes.

It is incredible how my mind works completely at the other end of the scale to yours Amber....

Understanding systems is impossible for me - I HAVE TO have a cleaner as there are too many systems just in running a household let alone anything else!

Emotions - I am very sensitive and can literally worry for days about the tiniest sign of an emotion society has labelled as 'bad' shown by people around me.

I find it impossible to read books like Mills and Boons because my brain insists there is a second or third meaning to every sentence - even if there is just the one!

I have a few friends that I refer to as 'my chosen siblings' and our relationships are intense, emotional and deeply forgiving - not a dissimilar to when you are 'in love' Amber - but without the snogging and stuff and other people who are my acquaintances. I seriously can't imagine feeling the same for both sets of people! The feeling is so so intensely different.

I hope you are finding me as interesting as I find you !!!!!