The SIXTH Tea Room - Everyone Welcome

[Jacksmama]

The One Child Tea Room started as a sort of sanctuary for anyone who was a bit tired of the controversy surrounding having one child only, for whatever reason. The topic seems to attract that sort of thing. So we thought we needed a place where a cup of tea and a muffin and a place to sit down and relax was needed - and judging by the number of visitors and regulars, it really was much needed!

The tea room has since undergone a few, shall we say, metamorphoses... it started as a charming bricks and mortar sort of place, with a lovely English garden, a ha-ha in the distance, and wonderful mismatched crockery.

But since the tea room is truly magical, at night, the glitter ball comes out, and booze and sofas canapees are served. During the daytime, there is a stable with (at last count) two horses, Earl and Lady Grey, who appreciate being exercised. We also have (at last count) two guinea pigs, RacingPig and RacingMissPiggy... but since they seem to have been up to no good, that count may increase shortly.

In its most recent incarnation, the tea room became a yurt, and we had Mellors The Gardener show up in buckskin trousers and no shirt (which caused several of the regulars to either fan themselves with whatever magazines were available, or faint prettily, preferably into Mellors' arms), and there seems to have been an errant bison or two.
Oh, and we also had the Naked Mohawk Babies - they were originally cake decorations (for the life of me, I cannot find the link right now) - and they have since taken on lives of their own, adding much amusement to the tea room.

Decorations include cut-outs of George Clooney, Wesley Snipes, and any other hunks of burning love we can think of. Oh, and peace lilies, and (since nothing seems to be able to kill the damn thing) an aspidistra.

For those who are shy of company, or fleeing controversial threads, we have a Priest Hole to hide relax in.

Please remember that the tea room is magical - no amount of Bolly swilled will cause a hangover, allergies of any type mean nothing, so you can eat and drink whatever you like, and if you don't fancy the distressed-looking couch, a brand-new comfy arm chair will appear in seconds.

EVERYONE is welcome, whether you have one child, none, or ten. In fact, one of our regulars is currently pregnant!!

The only strict rule we enforce is no fisticuffs. Anyone who behaves disagreeably will be ejected by Mellors (fully clad).

Most important of all - the tea room is meant for fun and support. It's perfectly acceptable, and in fact, mandatory, to be a little unhinged yourself.

Welcome all!!

(I've had a somewhat trying day so I will leave the crating and moving of china, and the actual shaping of the tea room, to everyone else... I did hear rumours of a spa being added, however, so please, book me in for a pedicure, will you? Thanks!)

Sorry Amber - if you are feeling a bit pounced on we can talk about something else.....

But just incase you haven't realised ....

....we are all telling you these things and asking you all these questions because we really like you so very very much!

MT, aha, that's the million dollar question re dh
Since he's ASD as well, it works perfectly. We understood each other from the first moment we met. It's based on talking, explaining, sharing information, and coping with each other's needs and differences and it works beautifully. Took some getting used to, but it's a brilliant combination. We tend to have 'one person' in our lives, plus children (which seems to use a different brain circuit). Everyone else is categorised as "ooo, you must be a friend!". Great for things like reception work where you have to treat everyone the same, not so great when I think people really are friends when they're jolly well not

Racingsnake, 45 yrs of practice, 12-18 hours a day. I'm very good at things, systems, animals, and as it's a visual brain I can visualise any building set-up instantly, and rotate it in 3-D in my mind. Not a problem. Never ask whether I know a thing about any of the actual human inhabitants, though. You'll find I probably don't. But it's nothing personal. Brain just won't store the detail.

As for jokes and humour, we either learn to find language funny or we sink into despair. Lots of expressions just are hugely funny to us, e.g. "life is a bowl of cherries". Well, it isn't, is it. As a child I'd just be astonished, but now I find it funny. I've also studied Terry Pratchett books extensively, which helps a lot, I find

All this chat about lovely Amber made me forget RS.... I wanted to tell you something....

I think you are a wonderful Mother and teacher.

Sometimes I read your posts in complete awe and wonder at things you do in you professional facsinator and the one you wear to be wriggle's Mummy too.

For example Cannes French course - WOW WOW WOW WOW.... link peeeeeeerrrleeeeeeeease - sounds fab!!!!! I want to know all about it - if you don't mind telling....????

tea, that's very kind about the liking me thing, and quite surprising from my point of view. Can't tell if people do or don't unless they say so, and it's fine if they don't (well, as long as they keep it to 'less than a full pitchfork-and-shotgun wielding hatefest' (had those in the past).

As for 'in love', er, umm, no I don't think I have a proper concept of that at all.

Just want to add my two cents' worth (and hoping the phrase makes Amber laugh) - I really like you, too, Amber. I remember when you first popped into the Tea Room, and remained firmly in the background, washing dishes and tidying up... I thought, what an interesting woman. I hope she sticks around. And now you've got me laughing at English phrases - "sticks around", indeed!!

I learned English out of a dictionary, so my spelling and grammar tends to be annoyingly perfect (just ask my DH), but it does make for funny moments when you know that there are several different meanings for one word, and you substitute them in your mind for your amusement...

I've always wondered about that phrase, "life is a bowl of cherries". What is it supposed to mean? I understand "if life hands you lemons (ie. Bad Things), make lemonade (Make the Best Out of It)"... but the bowl of cherries thing escapes me.

Amber you fit in right here - I think it would be difficult to really tell you apart from any of us here in the tearoom apart from when you write about your experiences and what is happening around you. Possibly we're all a bit 'different' from the norm in here. I don't know. (I certainly don't fit into a round hole....)

JM - thats interesting about the lemons - I like lemons, and I like the smell of them and the look of them, so handing me lemons would be a Good Thing!!!

I think the bowl of cherries thing is sort of... there are lots of things to choose from - you can go here, there or anywhere - sometimes you pick well and have a juicy, sweet cherry. Sometimes its a little bit unripe and sour, and sometimes its gone bad and there is a worm in it. Just like moving through life....

JM when you were picking out 'sticks around' I got a completely different picture. I was wondering why there was a boma (really not sure of the sp!) appearing in the tearoom - put it down to the nmbs!

Evening all. hows it ticking along n here, ohhh, a bit of friendship fest. OK. erm, can i class you all as on line friends. In RL I'd say I have lots of acquaintances and a very few close friends.And of those close friends I dont live any where near some of them, so only see them once or twice a year. And dont always know very much about them out side our shared intersts.
I think I'm fairly good at teh small talk that keeps teh world ticking along. I really don;t mind Mums and tots small talk, its just like work small talk. low level and in one ear out the other. I do find I can;t remember which mum said what tho.. oops, I must look forgetfull or unintersted.
It was intersting during some active listening training I did the other week, I realised I really don;t feel comfortable with eye contact in a conversation. I MUCH prefer to talk side by side or in someother way not being in eye line. No idea if its side effect of working in a environment where communication is often over cans (intercom system) for hours at a time. Or if I get on well on cans because its away I like communicating.
I'm not on the spectrum, but I am a geek... and dyslexic. And VERY good at packing things into spaces.

Jackbunnysmama, thanks again. . For what it's worth, the Tea Room feels like the best internet place I've ever been in and I feel honoured to be here. Perhaps because it doesn't have to make perfect sense, so some of the pressure to get things Exactly Right is far less? I love the unexpectedness of it because I can cope with it at my own pace. In real life, one unexpected comment and I'm totally exhausted and confused, because I can't react fast enough.

I am blessed with good friends in real life, namely people who have been in my life for many years and support me in difficult times, which I think is a test of a good friends? It's very rare for an Aspie, but something that I've worked SO hard to try to get right. Many books on human behaviour and politeness etc.

We are naturally so pedantic and obsessed with detail and rules that it's the easiest thing in the world for us to alienate everyone around us, which is awkward and embarrassing and awful. Some people absolutely 'get' us, if that's the right phrase, and others will think "oh someone shut her up please ". Even here, it's inevitable that someone will be thinking it, because our communication systems are rubbish compared to most people's. I've learned to apologise and to shut up when required to do so. And do the washing up, which is important.

And I must not drink 2 glasses of wine because I get jolly tipsy (hic)

Night all...

Unis.... I don't know about you but I have always thought it is crazy to call give such a difficult word to spell for the word 'dyslexia'.

I used to think it could have just been called d which would be so much easier but even d is a bit of a bugger - look - d,p,9,b..... so really even that is not good.

Therefore after a lot of thought I conclude dyslexia should have been called 'O' - thus making form filling or explaining to a friend the first time you e-mail them 100 times easier!!!!

On a similar argument to my discussion with Amber - one of my best friends is dyslexic. He was my climbing buddy for a while. Our e-mails back and forth was my forte... but when we climbed he would set up the ropes really quickly and always very very well. He said "I look at the ropes and I can see straight away everything that could possibly go wrong with them and know just like that if it is a good set up or not."

Me - I was still tying the laces of my climbing boots!

I find the way we think, learn and understand things absolutely fascinating!

Even Unis! I've got packing down to a T now! I think I can pack for a week away for ds and I in 30mins - I leave dh to find his own clothes - last year the first holiday he managed to bring one spare shirt. The second holiday he managed to bring one spare shirt. I think I'll be packing for him too this year!

So how many of us are good and enjoy puzzles then - I like number puzzles, cryptic crosswords (as long as thye are not too obscure) sudoku, kakuro, puzzle puzzles etc etc etc!!!

That should have been 'Evening'. I wish there was a spell checker....

Have developed another Wizard Wheeze to speed up reports. Write one for super A-star child, 'save as' for the next child, gradually change the adverbs as I move down the ability continuum. Doesn't probably save time, but makes me feel I'm doing something positive. In my first school the Head taught me to write one report for Able Boy, one for Able Girl, one for Middling Boy, one for Middling Girl, etc, then copy and paste for all children. This present Head wants every comment for every one of the 12 sections for every one of the 12 subjects for every child to be lovingly hand crafted and personalised, no doubt with a pencil I have lovingly hand crafted myself. Parents, don't ever take reports seriously, apart from the 'personal comments' bit.

Tea, I love telling people about EU funded courses, because there are so many wonderful ones you can do and no-one seems to know about them. I am going to do a Commenius course. I did a wonderful one four years ago in Besancon, but you can now get funding every second year. There is a list of approved courses here. The course I am planning to do is this one. You could do any kind of brilliant course, not only from that list. Anyone can, I think, not only teachers. You get a grant towards expenses of up to 2500 euros. As a bijou family of 3, you could all go and combine it with a holiday.

Took me so long to find my links that I missed several posts.

JM, were you brought up speaking German?

Mistle - I love loved puzzles and things when I used to have time. I was rubbish at suduko but love pub quizzes. I once won one when they used the same questions two years running and since then have been convinced I am good at them. Actually I am nearly always on the losing team at our school fund raisers, because I am rubbish at pop, films, etc. I once also scored 10/10 in a Latin round, but beng a linguist it wasn't difficult to work it out.

wow - RS - that sounds very interesting for me.....

I'm hopeless at names and dates type stuff - so I'm no good at all at pub quizes - just the occasional obscure question here and there.... There's a logic to the sudoku which suits me. I quite like the sudokus that have loops round certain squares with the totals shown in them - and you quite often don't get any numbers anywhere to start you off...

MT - sorry puzzles are really not my thing. I find it all too 'right' and 'wrong' which for me is very flustering and terribly stress inducing I can get quite emotional about it all!

Apply for a course, Tea, they're great and the forms are not as bad as they look. (I presume it was the courses that are interesting, not the fact that I once scored 1o/10.

Done 16/32 reports scheduled for tonight, but need to go to bed now.

Bonne nuit, all. Very abstemius tonight I have just noticed. No doubt because it is Lent.

LOL at whizard wheeze for report writing.

CAn you come up with a good way to get people to register for something weeks BEFORE the deadline day, rather than ON the deadline day. And they all want instant acnoledgement... grummmph.

Deadline day is actually tomorrow, so no doubt it will be worse tomorrow. Maybe the post will have some more cheques... Not that I'll be in , off to a morning birthday bash at soft play.

ouch uniS - actually double ouch one for soft play birthday party and the other for last minute registrations!!!!!!!

Racing, I don't know if it's exactly right to say I was brought up to speak German - let me explain: I was born in Germany, in Darmstadt. Near Frankfurt. When I was 10, 11 or 12 - can't remember, must ask my mum - we emigrated to Canada (Toronto). So I spoke only German until then, with the exception of a year (possibly two) of beginner's school English. Which basically equipped me to ask where the loo was, and my favourite word was "nice".
I learned English very very quickly, and essentially soaked up our new chosen culture like a sponge. At first we spoke German at home, then it became a mix of German and English, and then English took over. I still speak German, but need to be jump-started a bit. I read it at almost 100%, except for very contemporary phrases, and medical or legal wording. I understand spoken German somewhere between 95-99%, depending on if I'm tired or tipsy not. I find writing it the hardest, which impairs communication with my half-sister in Germany. I get lost in what I'm trying to say, and then I run out of words.

Tea, do you climb??? I used to. Loved it!!! I tried traditional (gear) climbing once or twice, but much preferred sport climbing. I used to go to Red Rock Canyon with my climbing gang every year for about four years, that's just outside of Las Vegas, Nevada. Fabulous climbing.
Of course, my climbing days are pretty much over since I've had Jackbaby. I'll probably take him to an indoors climbing gym when he's bigger, though.

Am late/early depending on your scale of things - DS had ishoos with going to sleep and ended up with us having to go to bed together in my bed to persuade him; and then I awoke at 4:30 and managed to get him into his cot. THEN I discovered I was Wide Awake so here I am.

JM - if it won't come across as rude, here is Mark Twain on the intricacies of German language, especially in the written form - he is not a fan but he is quite funny! Please don't read it if you are likely to be offended, that is not my intention.

RS - so sorry to hear of your wobbles - I know what you mean about the Why Me? thing - What Did I Do Wrong that xxx happened/didn't happen - it is hard but it also isn't the case. Things like this Happen - it is rarely anyone's Fault, imo.
You seem lovely, as does everyone in the Tea Room - it is my favourite chat area too for the aurreality and inventiveness of its occupants, as well as general supportiveness and overall loveliness.

amber - I have also great interest in how you perceive things so am glad you gave some clues.

I am a systemiser, but a disorganised one - if I am left to myself and my piles of Stuff, I know where everything is. If I am made to tidy it up and put it away in a rush, it gets lost (no time to relocate it in my brain). I am also very good at packing things - excellent spatial awareness, apparently.

I like puzzles - cryptic crosswords, ordinary crosswords, sudoku; and I have an inbuilt ability to spot spelling mistakes at 100 paces. This doesn't mean I don't make any, just that I can always see them after I have posted

Should really go back to sleep now...

Racingsnake, that EU course link (first one) didn't lead anywhere in particular on my machine - it gave me a EU page with nothing on it. Shall look elsewhere to see if I can find another way into it. Thumbbunny, I'm not a good packer, but I obsess about it. I'm already convinced I'll leave things behind for our holiday soon.

As for how I perceive things, it's always different to other people from what I hear. Went to a centre the other day and noted that the wall panels were set out in a regular pattern of 17 x 6 and the children's play toy in the corner had 11 items on each of its sections. I can tell you exactly which magazines there were in the pile, and how many seats. But not a clue about any of the people I met. Wouldn't recognise them again. It makes business social events quite a challenge unless I've managed to get them to wear name labels

Eggs and bacon available (vegetarian bacon, of course - no real animals suffered during the production of this tearoom breakfast), and some toast and tea.

Been having great fun with the new 3-D mapping thing at work. Can't climb cliffs, but I can certainly have a good look at them with it. And later today, I am going to attempt to assemble the new lawnmower. This'll be interesting. Where's that handy manual of garden machinery someone gave me here the other day? Ah yes...

I gave dh the job of sorting the lawnmower service out this winter. I told him that I needed to be able to mow the lawn last weekend. You guessed it, lawnmower was taken for service on Saturday last week, so has still not arrived. So that's another thing that will have to be done on Saturday when we're trying to get ready for the party....

On the positive side, dh spent the afternoon on the phone to a headhunter looking for someone for a consultancy wiht the firm who made the software that he worked on with the job before last. He then got a call at 9.30pm to say could he come for a job interview either Thursday or Monday - certainly faster than he imagined! So he does have another interview. That, of course, leaves us with potential childcare problems - but who cares!

Out of the 17 invitations to school, seven have declined and eight have accepted - just leaving 2 (including the one with the dietary issues). We're also inviting ds's best friend from nursery which will be nice. Ds has also had an invitation from the twins next door to their 3rd birthday party the day before Easter (further complications there...) so we're having to invite them too!!!! So I do hope that its fine as we otherwise have the potential job of coping with 14 mainly 4 yo boys in the house

Tea - puzzles - from what you said about yourself, that doesn't surprise me at all!

Amber - packing - this should be your mantra - 'we've got all the really important bits - we can always get anything else we've forgotton when we get there'. I find this very helpful and it has helped with the 30min packing. We even managed to forget ds's shoes when we went away for a week last summer (he was in pjs when we left and somehow his shoes never registered) - had wellies only - picked up a pair of cheap sandals in Tesco, ds loved them!

Back from Germany...

Fab for DH MT - fingers firmly crossed.
I'm in the 'have essentials, everything else can be bought' camp. Thus I can pack for a two week business trip (needs suits, evening clothes, makeup etc) in 45 minutes and it works 95% of the time

JM - we have an office in Darmstadt, and I have friends there

I like puzzles and quizzes. Really enjoy Sudoku. Its the right/wrong aspect that appeals to me I think. I like quilting and patchwork, but only the very geometrical tesselating english type. Very good at 3d models and reconstructing 2D to 3D and holding that model in my head.

DH has AS tendencies - he is very bad at reading emotions, has no idea about the effect of tone in speech, very sensitive to smells/sounds, and things must be 'as they should be'. Doesn't mean he's tidy at all, but he gets quite upset when things aren't working/performing in the way that he needs them too. He is regarded as very social, will talk to anyone, but doesn't have a need for friends or to be close to people.

Cat2 decided to bring in a rabbit at 7.30am. We think it was wild, but it still required some untruth telling to DS who was all excited about a rabbit coming to our house

Coffee anyone ?