Getting bored with MumsNetters who ...

[Mulanmum]

Leave their 2 or 3 or 4 or 5 kids to cuddle each other and play harmoniously whilst they come onto this topic to tell us that only children are:

spoiled/spoilt
likely to prefer their chaotic household to the sad and lonely bleakhouse inhabited by an only child
will be lost and lonely without the comradeship of sibs when parents die

and that they have never met an adult who enjoyed being an only child

and on and on and on!

It isn't helpful for those who, unlike me, would have liked to have more children.

I don't go sticking my nose into the Larger Families topics posting tactless and unhelpful comments about children I know who LOATHE being one of TOO many or adults who DETEST their brothers/sisters.

Supportive and constructive posts are welcome from multi-kid mums but if you can't manage that then please get back to your kids and stop little Jasper hammering on little Jocasta's head.

Thank you

Why don't you all ignore the topic and let Mulan and the oooh - is it two or three? - people who completely agree with her whinge on together in peace...?

Why does anyone need to "debate" this? If it's become controversial it's because some people think they can say anything anywhere "cos it's my rights innit" no matter who they upset.

If somebody's left because they were called on it then it's no loss.

"It's meant to be supportive and fun, so chipping in to tell us that the only child you know is a spoilt brat and your DH was an only and is therefore insisting on 10 kids to avoid them having the same psychological issues as him is neither supportive or fun."

If that end bit refers to a comment I made about my DH, I think you would do well to actually read what I said. I did not say he had psychological issues, nor did I say he was demanding 10 kids. I was actually pointing out the opposite POV to a point you made in your OP.

And I do not believe that I was in any way foul mouthed or personally insulting you, so get off your high horse and maybe spend some time with your child instead of sitting here mithering on and on about how neglectful mothers of more than one child are.

I think that the devisiveness and nastiness we have seen on this topis (and we only have 22 threads so far) just shows how real the divde between those with one and those with more than one child is. I'm not sure that the larger family topic incites such strong feeling on both sides.

Here's a comment on an AIBU thread about a unplanned third pregnancy:

"DH is reeling too. Neither of us are very child-focused, in fact we were quite happy without children. 1st was an accident (spot the pattern here...!?) and 2nd was so that 1st wouldn't be an only child"

These disdainful comments are often made in RL and MN. As if being an only child is some kind of curse that a parent shouldn't inflict upon a child.

So why begrudge us a small topic where we can discuss and celebrate our families? And why barge in with insensitive remarks? I'm happy with the choice I made, and proud of my husband and daughter but there are some people who are hurting on here and don't need any salt rubbing in their wounds.

How good of you to go looking for slights and bring them to people's attention then.

I agree there should of course be space for a topic such as this and there seem to be many lovely posters benefitting from it but you are turning it into some horrid crusade.

Gosh I retract what I said further down.

Only a paranoid mind will take comments and opinons from others out of context and direct them at ones own choices.

Good grief, is this still going on?

Why don't you come on over to one of the (inclusive, celebratory, sane) Obama threads and discuss something of real significance? Try it. It's fun and good for your mental health.

"I'm happy with the choice I made". Fine. I'm happy for you. Stop being so prickly and looking for offense everywhere.

Writing as a perfectly happy only child who has 3 children. Personally think there are pros and cons to any family makeup (also think there's a huge difference between being one of 2 vs one of 6 but hey ho). Really no need to get snippy about other people's choices.

Mulanmum - how dare you judge someone else's torment or angst as disdain?

I may have one child, I may have thirteen, that is nothing to do with you or this post - but mumsnet is an open forum and you have no right to swoop on other posters and pick them apart in their distress.... and the poor woman was not even posting on your personal bandwagon.

""DH is reeling too. Neither of us are very child-focused, in fact we were quite happy without children. 1st was an accident (spot the pattern here...!?) and 2nd was so that 1st wouldn't be an only child"

These disdainful comments are often made in RL and MN. As if being an only child is some kind of curse that a parent shouldn't inflict upon a child.""

Apart from my Father (very spoilt), I know of at least 4 adults who are/were only children and who are not suffering for it, they are very lovely people. Interestingy 1 of them has chosen for her DS to be an only child too.
Agree, you seem to be finding offence anywhere and everywhere.
I could look at the comments posted on almost any topc and find that people have chosen different paths/made different decisions to me for their own reasons.

Righto Mrs Mattie, I was so excited when I turned the news on ths morning.

ok, i have avoided posting on here so far partly because of the confrontational style of some of the threads, and tbh im not angry about ds being an only, im sad. and bitter. and frustrated. like it or not having a first child is different to having an only. when you still think that you will have more, people ask if you have any plans for more and you wink and say "we'll see/yes as soon as possible/watch this space" and they invariably smile and wish you luck.

when you know that you will only have one you say "sadly not/no, don't think so/are you kidding?" and you get a speech about how cruel (yes, cruel!) it is to have just one child, doesn't he/she get lonely/what about the spoilt issue/christmas must be very quiet in your house then/youre from a large family, don't you want ds to have the same type of childhood as you. and these are the same points i worry about and feel guilty about. i tell my counsellor about my fears and he tries to reassure me but i still always thought that i would be a mammy walton!

there does seem to be an awful lot of barging on this topic, which i dont understand. i would never post on larger families/multiple births/adoption because i dont know enough about it, and the issues specific to those topics are not tings i can help with.

mulanmum may have made her point badly in the op, but i suspect that was born out of frustration rather than anything else and i certainly dont think she deserves the flaming that she has got thus far!

I have re-read that AIBU comment repeatedly. Am an only child myself and cannot see anything 'disdainful' in it at all. Having a cup of coffee with you must involve having to carefully negotiate eggshells.

For goodness sake lighten up or you are going to end up losing people who could be good friends. I have 3 kids. I barely notice how many children others have. Newsflash: it doesn't register.

lissielou- my Mum wanted 6 (she was one of 6) and ended up with me (lucky her I always say). If anyone had said that stuff to her she would have just ignored them.

The thread title is pretty rude, I think that's why people are barging in.

jimjams, i tend to give them a detailed account of my obstetric history now, soon shuts the fuckers up

JJ - I clicked on the thread title before I realised the topic.

TBH, I didn't see what the topic was, only the title of the Op.

Lissie, do people really tell you that you are cruel? That is awful, I hope you have a good stack of cutting retorts up your sleeve.

I agree, it really is no-one's business how many children people have. I can understand how frustrating it must be having to "explain" yourself to people all the time.

The only thing that used to grate with my parents was the 'spoiled' one. My dad said he was so worried I would turn into a little Empress that he went the other way, so any sign of being a spoiled brat was jumped on.

People will offer their opinions on anything though. If it wasn't about having an only it would be something else. I really agree with something custy said further up about the joy of solitude that only children develop.

all this talk about people charging on to an area that does not concern them is bollocks.

I look at active convos and SN and thats it. I responded ( obviously stupidly) to a deliberately ambiguous and provocative op.

The OP WANTED to get a board-wide reaction.

And is now bitching about it.

Exactly Pagwatch.

OP is an axe grinder.

Exactly Pagwatch.

OP is an axe grinder.

I think I agree with pagwatch on this one, the title is ambiguous, and designed to draw a lot of people in.

If on the other hand the title had been "upsetting that so many barge in on the only's topic with hurtful comments" it would have been totally different.