Getting bored with MumsNetters who ...

[Mulanmum]

Leave their 2 or 3 or 4 or 5 kids to cuddle each other and play harmoniously whilst they come onto this topic to tell us that only children are:

spoiled/spoilt
likely to prefer their chaotic household to the sad and lonely bleakhouse inhabited by an only child
will be lost and lonely without the comradeship of sibs when parents die

and that they have never met an adult who enjoyed being an only child

and on and on and on!

It isn't helpful for those who, unlike me, would have liked to have more children.

I don't go sticking my nose into the Larger Families topics posting tactless and unhelpful comments about children I know who LOATHE being one of TOO many or adults who DETEST their brothers/sisters.

Supportive and constructive posts are welcome from multi-kid mums but if you can't manage that then please get back to your kids and stop little Jasper hammering on little Jocasta's head.

Thank you

[OracleInaCoracle]

tbh i love watching ds play, he has a fab imagination and is very happy playing by himself, but he is nervous around other children and prefers his own company even at preschool. see, these are the things i worry about!

lizzy, they do say that. its actually really hurtful and makes me v angry!

[OracleInaCoracle]

actually pag makes a v good point

[QuintessentialGunpowderPlot]

In which case it might be considered shit stirring, and preys on the vulnerability and emotions on the very people the op is "speaking on behalf of".....

[OracleInaCoracle]

lapin, even better than that, i give them detailed accounts of my mc's the ep and the tests/ops ive had. i end it with "no, we are not going to have any more children, because quite frankly its more important that ds has a mother than a sibling."

[oggsfrog]

It's a shame this whole topic seems to have gone arse up.

I did wonder if it would work in the first place though as there is a world of difference between those who have an only child through choice and those who desperately want more children but are unable to.

I fall into the latter category and at 42 and after 15 years of attempting to have a Walton-like family have yet to reconcile myself to the fact that dd will never have a brother or sister.

[cupsoftea]

Lissie - People can say the most awful comments. It also happens to those of us with large families. People pick up on what they think is a different situation to theirs.

[OracleInaCoracle]

i know, its v cruel though.

[SixSpotBonfire]

Lissielou - I am sad and angry that you have to deal with comments like that.

I honestly think that no-one has any right to make comments - even "jokingly" about the size or make-up of anybody's family. You can never know anyone's reasons for stopping at one, two, three or more children, nor how they feel about e.g. having only girls, or only boys.

[kittywise]

People do make unkind, semi-joking comments about me when I say I so want another.

I don't laugh it off any more I tell them that actually I'm not mad (well not for those reasons), that I'm really happy with my choices.

I don't see the point in bitching about it on here MM

Posting this thread what on earth did you expect to happen?

From what you have written here and how blindly and inappropriately you have responded on every post you've written I'd say you have serious issues which you could do with some professional help with.

[captainmummy]

Exactly SSBonfire - no-one does have the right to comment on other families. It's nothing to do with anyone, even you Mulanmum.

[editrix]

Just scanning this thread but I wanted to pick up Lissielou's comment about her ds being a bit nervous around other children and preferring his own company, and that she worrys a bit about this. If it helps my ds (now 5) was exactly like this in preschool and reception, and he still enjoys his own company, but he's now in yr 1 and has made lots of friends at his new school and is really happy. We have friends to play here and he goes to friends' houses frequently but he gets plenty of time on his own at home too. I used to worry a lot about his nervousness around other children (not helped by his first school's obsession with his supposed "lack of social skills", in other words he didn't fit into the neat PSHE little box they wanted him to fit in) but as he's grown older he's changed a lot. What I'm rambling on trying to say is don't worry, and also don't let anyone convince you this character trait/behaviour is necessarily to do with being an only. I am a first-born with two younger siblings, I don't thrive in large groups of people, like my own company and am best in groups of two or three. HTH.

[blueskyandsunshine]

Quint, Pagwatch, and so on, have you missed the essential thing, which is that this is not a thread about nothing that came from nowhere. Obviously this thread IS designed to draw people in because..

On a previous one-child thread "celebrating" one child families someone steamed over to say "why are you being so horrible about not one child families, you are very rude, you should shut up" or words to that effect, and worse, and so on.

Which was enough to make the op very unhappy, plainly. The "outside world" was thrust upon their private thing in a quite offensive way and now one of them has taken it upon herself to bridle against that.

I'm sure she is not a horrible person any more than you lot are, though some of the comments on here have been quite horrible. For the most part you are all just normal women, misunderstanding each other it seems, including the op.

[blueskyandsunshine]

It's like someone coming onto an ADHD thread about how to manage or handle the issue, and someone pops in to say -- you know what I think this ADHD thing doesn't exist, it's just an excuse for kids that are naughty, and you can't handle them, and all you need to do is this etc etc.

Obviously you CAN do it, obviously you're ALLOWED to do it, but it's not very nice, and why would you want to, when people are trying to get a bit of support and sympathy?

[Tiggiwinkle]

I think the point you are missing bluesky is that the "celebrating" was being done at the implied and sometimes stated expense of families with more than one. The OP has been deliberately confrontational and seems to be doing her best to stir things up. For someone "new" to the site she has caused an awful lot of upset-I wonder what her motives are?

[avaTsar]

Was about to post the same as MrsT. Celebrating is one thing, but there were some terribly seeping assumptions being made about larger families that were simply not the case. No wonder other posters 'barged in' - if you want to call it that. I thought this was a site where we could post where we wanted to.

[blueskyandsunshine]

you can post where you want to
you've got your rights
free speech and so on
doesn't apply to the op though does it

[MadBadandDangerousToKnow]

Yes of course anyone can post wherever thy want, but there surely have to be some basic rules of courtesy and respect.

I'm happy to have a calm and rational debate about any of the issues surrounding family size and only children, but any post on any thread whose gist is 'your life choices are wrong and certainly not as good as mine' is bound to cause upset. Telling mothers who are unable to have more children that their singleton child is destined for a screwed-up childhood and lonely old age doesn't help anyone. And (I must say this for balance) nor is it helpful to imply that children with siblings are neglected or deprived of parental attention.

I'm very disappointed at how this topic is going. Anyone want to join me for a cup of tea and sociable, non-confrontational muffin?

[dizzydixies]

I neither implied that anyone's child was destined for screwd-up childhood and lonely old age or that they were neglected or deprived and yet the OP still managed to confront me and jump all over my reasoned and calm opinions (in a seperate thread where a lady was asking how one decided whether or not to have more children not this one)

if she wants courtesy and respect, which is shown by 99.99% of people on here, then she shouldn't start inflamatory threads which are seeking out trouble. The one-child families topic is a great thing and there is a HUGE difference between those who choose to have only one child and those who wish larger families but cannot for whatever reason have them - they all deserve the same amount of respect and support as those who have 2,3,4,5 etc children - this is helping nobody

I don't think we should be giving her any more attention over it and shall join you for tea and muffin if I may

[MadBadandDangerousToKnow]

"... The one-child families topic is a great thing and there is a HUGE difference between those who choose to have only one child and those who wish larger families but cannot for whatever reason have them - they all deserve the same amount of respect and support as those who have 2,3,4,5 etc children - this is helping nobody."

Dizzy - Absolutely (although methinks the difference isn't that big, but that's a minor point)! Am just putting on my pinny. Come and join me in the tea room.

[dizzydixies]

love too but shall have to nip off and collect dd - well done on the peace making mission though

[PuzzleRocks]

MadBad and Dizzy, I will take that offer. must warn you 'm pregnant and ravenous though. I will shamelessly steal your muffins.

[MadBadandDangerousToKnow]

Puzzle - all fine, except that all food consumed must be paid for. Will go and put another batch of muffins in the oven [insert your own joke here about a bun in the oven].

[pagwatch]

bluesky

I understand your point. Of course I do. I don't suppose you are aware but I have a son with very profound special needs and can write the book on people being viciously rude - thanks

But OP would have been much better served by either taking vociferous issue with the comments at the time or posting an op which didn't just lash out ( it genuinely seemed to me) at everyone who is not the same as she.

I would have made a very very very different response to " I am getting upset that so many people are posting hostile comments in this section" or " problems with off topic postings" .
I have been in exactly the position the OP is but I do not start threads generally bitching about every person who does not happen to have a profoundly disabled child.
Your contention seems to be that the OP was upset and therefore can be rude to everyone with impunity.

[daisy99divine]

Hello MadBad I have been rather dismayed by this OP because I have found the one child threads quite fun - or rather had hoped to find them fun

I think all children are wonderful as are all Mums (and wannabe mums and dads). We face challenges, trials and tribulations, truimphs and joys at different times and in different ways. We are on MN to share, learn and join together in that experience

That is what I wish for

Oh, and world peace

I think I am starting to sound like Rudyard Kipling

can I come and join you for a muffin/ bun in the oven please {grin]