Is 49 too old to be a dad?

[outnumbered30]

What's peoples opinions on the dad being 49 when you give birth? Is it acceptable?

How does your dh feel about it?

Did he plan on retiring at 60 or later? Will having another child at this point mean that he has to push his retirement plans back?

Dh is 49 (almost 50) and I'm 50. I can't imagine us having babies and toddlers to deal with now, let alone dealing with teens in our 60s!

Wrong post.

Quite a few people seem to think that if a woman gets pregnant at 49 then it's due to ivf or donor eggs. But that's not always true. I've been in peri menopause for a few years but that doesn't mean I've definitely stopped ovulating. You are only considered to be actually menopausal once you've had no periods for a year. A lot of us are on the HRT where you still get a bleed, so there is a crossover of time where you might not know if what you're getting is a natural period or an HRT bleed. So please be careful and don't think you can't get pregnant.

I was 42 when I became pregnant. We had given up having partaken of failed treatment routes. Our ‘giving up’ consisted of ‘not actively preventing pregnancy’ but not even thinking about ovulation timings or dietary adjustments like not drinking alcohol (not that we were drink a lot anyhoo). After a year of not really thinking about it, it was Christmas and I had a moment when I thought “well the ship has sailed”. A month later I was pregnant.

I’m pretty sure our DC was a menopause baby and the result of little peak of fertility just before nature winds that side of womanhood up. After our DC was born, GP put me on the mini pill where you don’t get a bleed that mimics a period. I felt unwell on it. Grumpy and I didn’t like the psychology of not having a period. Took myself off it. Periods were random and not very much blood - totally different from pre pregnancy. I was never offered HRT. I think I was too far along in the process of menopause. Although, it felt like it took ages both in terms of periods and the endless hot flushes.

Older parenthood has been fine. The DH is just over a year older than me so the DC has had a few teen years of over 60s. I don’t feel over 60 is much different from over 50 or that over 40 was much different from over 30. I don’t think it made us more tired - the elation at finally being parents saw us through that.

Regarding difficult teen years - it’s difficult that’s the key word. If they are difficult, then the trying nature of it is a pita whatever your age is. Ours wasn’t especially. We are both quite tech savvy and that has made us feel less out of it than some younger parents we know. I’ve always dressed well and don’t have grey hair especially, I think that helps too. The thing is to enjoy parenthood and realise that when it’s less fun it’s got nowt to do with your age and stage 95% of the time.

You will meet grandparents in playground who are younger than you. Speaking personally, it just made me feel my route was better for me.

@mastertomsmum anecdotally I've heard of quite a few women who got pregnant just before shutting up shop, so to speak

I know quite a few dads to young children who are older than that . One of DDs friends dads is about to turn 68 and their youngest is 6 -second marriage and age gap relationship. He's very hands on and fit for his age.
Another school run day I got talking to told me he wasn't the boys grandad but his dad! He is 65 and they have a 6 year old and 1 year old baby.
He is very young acting though.

On that premise your DH is not old at all! As long as he feels healthy and wants to be a dad at that age I don't see a problem.

Mine was 42 when we had our son. I had to consider that:

1. he’s probably a bit more likely to outlive his father
2. he hasn’t got the patience or energy to be up all night with a newborn, chasing footballs with kids etc
3. I read about the correlation between older fathers and autism (not sure if this is true). There are genetic risks with older mothers but it might be worth researching more on fathers.

Otherwise we’re fine. He’s 44 now with a 19 month old.

My dad was 46 when I was born, mum 32. I’m an only child. They met later in life (44 and 30).
There were girls in my year at secondary school who had grandads the same age as my dad.
He died age 70 when I was 24 - never saw me get married or have kids and my mum was widowed relatively young.
You can dress it up as - oh they’re really fit for their age/dont look their age/their dad lived til 100/ my friends husband got knocked down by a bus when he was 30 - but it’s still a biological fact that the older you are when you become a parent the more likely you are to die when you child/children are relatively young 🤷🏻‍♀️

I had a Vasectomy at 49, I wouldn't want to bring a child up in my 50s 60s
You have to think that having a child in older age may cause problems with that childs health

At 50 I was finding it so hard to deal with my 17 year old son. He was towering over me. He's just so STRONG and although he hasn't done anything more obnoxious than push people out of his way, I would hate to feel the fear of being 60 with a 17 year old. I was scared of him as it was. I dealt with the situation. I hope this makes sense without making him sound like a monster. The way he has behaved is not outsides of the realms of fairly normal but he took it to the extreme of normal. he's been better since he moved in with an uncle (who is not finding him a piece of cake but again, at least his uncle is 50 not 60.

Children are a young man's game.

Craig72 · 30/06/2024 10:28
I had a Vasectomy at 49, I wouldn't want to bring a child up in my 50s 60s
You have to think that having a child in older age may cause problems with that childs health

Alternatively, at 65 my husband is a glorious father to our 21 year old son. My husband is disabled, Our son was a great, big surprise, 9 years after our daughter. We were told by experts that it was unlikely we would have more children.

They are as close as any father and son could be. They have learned from each other.
As for the health thing: I’m 5ft 7, my husband is 5ft 11. Our daughter and son are 5ft 11 and 6ft 5 respectively and fit as fiddles.

My DP was in his mid to late 50s when both our DC were born. I wouldn’t have planned it that way but that’s how it happened. I’ve never felt judged irl but he looks young for his age and we live in an area where older parents are not uncommon (I was mid to late 30s).

My DH is 52 and we just had a baby... wasn't planned though. He has got the snip now though as we discussed it and decided he was too old to be having any more surprise pregnancies! (I had been on contraception)
It's not ideal. But life pans out how it pans out. I lost my own dad young and he was not an older father. I know there's now a risk of this baby losing her dad at a young age.. but when I think of my own dad and how much I loved him and what a good dad he was... I wouldn't swap him for another if they would live longer.
My DH is a wonderful father to our children. Really hands on and loving. Yes he's older and he will be retired whilst this baby is still at school... but this is just what's happened. I wouldn't take it back.