Is 49 too old to be a dad?

[outnumbered30]

What's peoples opinions on the dad being 49 when you give birth? Is it acceptable?

Dh and I had our first child together when he was 49 and I was 35. She's one now. It's hard work sometimes don't get me wrong, especially as she isn't the best sleeper. However I wouldn't have it any other way. Older fathers have benefits that younger ones dont. Maturity, financial stability, life experience and wisdom (sometimes). My dh is still very active and runs around after her. Yeah he'll be an old dad at the school gates, so what?

Ideally we'd all have children younger, biologically it's the sensible option. But life doesn't always work out with the best timings. There's an age gap between dh and I and we didn't meet until later on in life (I already had two other dc by this point).

We are very happy. It works and I'm not worried for the future. Do what you think will work for you, not what society tells you is acceptable. If your dh is fit, healthy, on board with the idea of becoming a dad again and he's a good dad to your current little one then why not. I mean you have one baby already, what's the difference!!

Also in age gap relationship, h was 45 and 48 when we had kids. Had already stopped drinking and smoking in his 30s. He was going to have to work til 68 anyway! So far it's been fine.
We both work full time in equally paid work and share childcare responsibilities so that probably helps - he's not in a high stress career.
We wouldn't have left it any later to have no 2 for sure. He looks about 40 so kids don't get teased about having an elderly father.

OH was 50 I had private amnio testing for everything.

But you have a one year old that is fine, so I would go for it if you're financially in a good place.

Also I do family history and lots of ancestors continued to have children at a late age - one until he was 74. So it's not a new phenomenon.

Meh. My DH was 46 when we had DS. He is a brilliant dad. Loads of patience and energy. He will be a brilliant dad when he is 58 with a 15 year old, too. My son is lucky to have him, as am I.

I lost my own dad aged 52, when I was 22. I recently attended the funeral of a 53 year old who had young teens. You never know what is around the bend. Doing, or not doing, something because of how it may or may not be perceived by strangers is a waste of your precious time

Well your DC does have siblings just much older, DH has a sister 25 years younger, she is just as much a sibling as his brother who is 12 months older than him.

My spider sense is telling that he thinks it's too old and you think it's not and you're gathering evidence for your viewpoint.

In which case it's a no.

If he's keen on No2 then it won't be remotely unusual.

Just to say, you can't test " for everything" , amnio has largely been replaced with NIPT testing.As far as I know they screen for the commonest trisomies.

I think it might be nice for your child to have a sibling. You are young and you say your DH is a young 49 so it sounds as if you'll both have the energy to do this!

If you've had a baby with him at 47/48, what's the difference really between that and 49. In for a penny, in for a pound at this point, surely.

My dcs father was 45 when our youngest was born. Is it ideal? No. But life isn't always perfect.

Well mine is 22 now perfectly healthy, and we're still around.

I'm glad they have a different test the amnio was traumatic

Depends entirely on how he feels. If he feels he is too old, you have to respect that. If he wants it then go ahead.

Great, informed and measured post.

Makes a change from the ‘if you want a disabled baby, crack on’ style responses.

My dh has just turned 50 and we have a 5 and 2 year old. It works for us.

It’s not unusual for Dads to have babies at this age. We have one friend who is 60 with primary aged kids and a 45 year old wife and I don’t think about his age, except when we talk about music or memories. He is itching to retire to the country though which isn’t what anyone else in the family wants!

Thank you for your replies
I suppose I was asking so I got a view different view points because I have to consider it. He was 46 when I got pregnant with DD so it didn't feel too bad. Now I feel like approaching 50 is a big thing. He plays football and has an active job and is young at heart but like you say in 10yrs time it could be a different story
We had IVF so our eggs are frozen so i think that'll lower the risk of all the disabilities due to the fact the sperm is younger but again you can't rule it out.

I suppose i ask because I don't want to be judged however that is society today unfortunately. We both work hard and I would love for my child to have a sibling to play with but I have decide asap really so that he doesn't get way to old

Fwiw, I don't think anyone would judge you - lots of people are older parents so you wouldn't stand out

My DH was 50 when DSc was born. Not really our choice for him to be that age, it's just how it worked out (I was late 30s). However, we've decided not to have another as we don't feel that we could cope with a child with disabilities (to be completely honest) or with another miscarriage, and with me 40s and DH mid-50s we've decided to just be thankful we have DS. I still wish for another sometimes, but I just count my blessings.

No

I was 43 and husband 47 when we had our last.
My friend was 46 and husband 54 when they had their child.
I mean it's nobody's business is it? If the father in question feels fit and able then more power to him.

Op society judges you whatever you do in life. Maybe you'd be judged for having only one child. You're judged every single step of the way in the parenting journey from how you feed them to what school you choose for them. The key is to live your life how you want to and not give so much of a shit what other people think.

You already have a one year old, so there would be very little difference in paternal age if you conceive soon.

What other people think is irrelevant. Don't worry about judgement.

More important is will he be an involved dad or will he offload both children onto you.

One dc is easy to raise on your own. Two, less so.

My honest opinion is that it is too old. He already has three children (or more). I do not get why he would want more at this stage, but it's ultimately up to him of course

Interestingly, if this was a 19 year old asking if they were too young, everyone would say 'yes'. They'd be saying you can't possibly have a career or any money, you won't have a life.

Seems there's no upper bound for too old though, even if you're 49.

It's your business, but just fascinating how differently old and young parents are treated.