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One-child families

Got questions about only having one child? Find the answers here.

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Original poster

Is it sad to only have one child?

169 replies

BuildingBlocks1 · 14/12/2021 21:12

Please don't think I'm rude by the title, it's just how I feel.

I'm the eldest of 5. DH is an only. We have DD, almost 3. Great pregnancy but awful birth story. She was rushed away at 8 hours old & in to ICU where she stayed for 4 days, we struggled to hold her she had so many needles everywhere. We were in hospital 18 days. The first year with the trauma & being a new mum (not particularly maternal either) was incredibly difficult for me to enjoy, I was an anxious wreck with PTSD.

Fast forward to now, DD is amazing, you'd never know her start & condition.

I've always had a thing in my head that only children & their parents made for a seemingly 'sad' life. I'm not sure why. Not even the issue of having no sibling to play with, I have just always thought it sad maybe because I grew up in such a large family. Everything in my head just seems smaller & quieter with one.

Myself & DH (who is very laid back) sometimes talk about another. He's open to it but has said himself he's more leaning to just having DD.

I always thought if I had a second & had a 'good' experience with a newborn it may heal some wounds. Then I catastrophise & think the baby could be poorly, have a life long severe medical condition & then I would wish we had just stuck with DD. I feel terrible saying that, because you should just love your children as they are. I just don't think i would cope. But of course I can't predict the future, so is it just best I never have another? There's also the side of not knowing what's wrong with them when they can't communicate/sleep deprivation etc. To some people this may be the norm but to me after DD being so poorly at birth anytime she seemed ill I was & still am, a nervous wreck.

Sorry for the blabbering, it just helps me to get it out sometimes. I wish I could make a decision, terrified I'll regret it either way whatever I do.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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TheBermudaTriangle · 15/12/2021 01:14

@TuftyMarmoset

It sounds like you had a wonderful childhood in a big family. But I suspect only children are actually possibly more likely to be happy - each additional sibling reduces the resources (time/attention and money) available for each child and produces a potential rival/someone they may not get on with. Just look how many on here are NC/LC with siblings. It’s just down to luck really. Then there is the risk that subsequent children could have SN which would obviously take even more of your attention away from DC1.

Completely agree with this. It appears like you are so focussed on the (potential!) negatives of being an only child that you are completely discounting or ignoring the (proven) positives. Definitely try and switch your thinking, you are giving your DC a great life.

Angelton · 15/12/2021 01:36

I've always had a thing in my head that only children & their parents made for a seemingly 'sad' life
What would be “sad” is the mother being unable to enjoy her life and have a career because she has five children to look after. If you have just one child you can live a fairly normal life. And for me as an only child, “sad” would be having to share my inheritance with siblings because it’s the only way I’ll ever be able to afford a house.

Lovelymincepies · 15/12/2021 01:52

I’m a totally single parent to one child. He’s not miserable at all, very sociable, I have the time and resources for him to go a variety of clubs and we have money to go in holidays etc.
I wouldn’t be able to half of this if I had more than one child.

Lovelymincepies · 15/12/2021 01:57

Just looked up that Stanley hall bloke, I never knew that’s where the negative only child stuff came from!

Toomuchtoodo · 15/12/2021 02:02

I have a brother. He made my life a living hell for 18 years. We are 11 years NC.

I have an only child (by choice because of my experience). I look at him and wish with all my heart I had the happy loving start he’s having.

YellowMonday · 15/12/2021 02:02

I'm an only child, and hand on heart I love it. I had an incredible childhood, with experiences I could not have had if I had siblings. I also have a great relationship with my parents, a very different relationship than my friends.

Growing up I don't remember feeling lonely, I filled my time with sport and activities like debating, art classes, drama classes, etc. As an adult, while I see some of my friends have close relationships with their siblings and I think that's nice, lots are ambivalent to negative.

RobertSmithsLipstick · 15/12/2021 02:07

My girl loved being an only, and her friends were all jealous because they thought she was spoilt.

She wasnt, but it's just easier to ask one what they fancy for dinner, and things like that.

Roselilly36 · 15/12/2021 06:22

I have two, with a very close gap. My two are 20 and nearly 19 now, they are such close brothers and best friends, I am pleased I had two. DH and I agreed two from the start, and possibly would have had a third if DS2 wasn’t such a difficult baby. I did have good pregnancies and fairly easy labours though. Do what’s right for you OP.

Panacotta · 15/12/2021 06:29

I'm am only & had a very happy childhood.

I have a very large extended family though so don't feel alone.

PainAuChocowhat · 15/12/2021 06:55

I’m an only and have an only. No regrets. None. I loved my childhood, have a good social circle, play nicely with others, share well, blah blah.

I actually didn’t realise being an only child was considered such a disadvantage by other people to be honest until I joined Mumsnet so luckily sailed through my younger years thinking it was just a different, no worse/better family situation than my school friends.

cptartapp · 15/12/2021 07:03

The very single best part of parenting is watching the relationship between my two DC over the years, now teens.
Having said that I'm 50 next year and never see my brother.

Rainydayss · 15/12/2021 07:14

I have one DC 11, I was desperate for another child about 5 years ago.
However married failed so it never happened.
I've got over the urge/strong feeling and I'm actually feel relieved I didn't have another. Costs, logistics, being a single parent all make me think I would have struggled more. Plus now I'm starting to get a life back.

My DC is happy, loads of friends, although often asks for a sibling. When I point out a baby/toddler would do very little/cry a lot/break DC things now they're older, so realises the big age gap wouldn't be fun at all

CoverYourselfInChocolateGlory · 15/12/2021 07:22

I have only one child. Sometimes yes, she is a little sad about not having a sibling but there are also a ton of advantages which she benefits from - she gets more of our attention, we have more disposable income, no one messes with her toys. We would have loved a second but it wasn't possible, so I don't want to spend every minute regretting that. We have a wonderful relationship and I love our little family. I consider myself very lucky.

TheWestIsTheBest · 15/12/2021 07:22

No. Being an only child is brilliant. I am one and woudn't have wanted it any other way. My son is also and an only and very happy about it.

GrumpyLivesInMyHouseNow · 15/12/2021 07:24

I consider myself very lucky, I have one dd and she's an amazing young woman. We have a lovely close bond. As a child, she was really sociable and have friends round all the time. She'd also spend time at her friends houses too. We had lovely family holidays and days out, she never once said she felt lonely as an only child.

EmmasMum12 · 15/12/2021 07:31

Way sadder to have 4 siblings

U8976532 · 15/12/2021 07:31

I genuinely thought it was until a few years ago. We have 2 but mine fight like cat and dog. Whilst I wouldn't change anything obviously because I love having 2, my eldest would have been just fine as an only, he loves adult company and makes friends easily, it's completely changed my view that all kids need siblings, it depends on their personality but I didn't know this when second was born (not that it would have stopped me either way).

Ducksareruiningmypatio · 15/12/2021 07:32

I'm an only, honestly seeing how my friends squabbled with their siblings, were forced to babysit, and take blame for things because they were older made me feel quite smug!
Own room, all the grandparents attention, no hand me downs, no care expectations etc.
I grew up quiet, but bookish and independent.
People may bring up the elder care thing, but there is no expectation for me there either luckily.
I feel lucky rather than deprived.

MakingTheBestOfIt · 15/12/2021 07:35

DD’s best friend is an only and says she wishes she had siblings like DD. DD pointed out that she may not have siblings but she has a FUCKING PONY and parents who are always available to run her and said pony to various equestrian events.

I am very close to my DB and can’t imagine a childhood without him. My DH is not close to his sister and feels (probably correctly tbh) that his childhood would have been much happier without her.

It’s six of one and half a dozen of the other.

U8976532 · 15/12/2021 07:35

And to kind of concur with @EmmasMum12 I think it's sadder to have too many siblings, people undervalue time between parent and child, particularly forgetting the time teens need. I think (depending on how busy the household is) time spent with parents is more valuable than additional siblings.

MimosaFields · 15/12/2021 07:37

I'm very happy with just one child. He's an adult now and seems pretty happy himself. I have one sibling and I rarely speak to them. I have not seen them for several years

NewtoHolland · 15/12/2021 07:37

I think being an only child is getting more common now I guess as people tend to have kids later, contraception is more widely available and maybe also due to people being more aware of over population stuff?
I know plenty of happy only kids and only grown ups.
For me I'm one of four, and I've been lucky to have a really good experience of that. The support network we give each other, the fun we have together and shared history is all very precious to me. Knowing we will help each other when mum and dad get older is reassuring and knowing we are all there for each other when hard times strike is comforting, I have friends too but for me my siblings are like another level of relationship (I know I'm lucky In this as it isn't true for all siblings). My kids love their cousins and so that's another benefit for us. Also my eldest has SEN and although she is likely to be able to live independently it comforts me knowing she has ongoing family support, I know some people will be like ach thats so terrible for siblings to have that kind of responsibility! But that isn't our culture as a family. Again nothing is guaranteed, we could have gone on to have more children with more severe needs etc..so it doesn't necessarily make it easier. Xx

Original poster

BuildingBlocks1 · 15/12/2021 07:41

@EmmasMum12 🤣 What a strange comment.

OP posts:

Whinge · 15/12/2021 07:44

[quote BuildingBlocks1]@EmmasMum12 🤣 What a strange comment.[/quote]
I don't think it's a strange comment at all.

Invisiblewoman1 · 15/12/2021 07:51

There are obviously things having siblings teaches you which you cannot experience as an only child.
I, like you, am from a large family with lots of siblings and I’ve always loved it. The chaos of it all.
But I have to say now I’m an adult I can look back and see I fended for myself a lot of the time and as an adult my parents cannot help out as much as other parents as they are split between so many of us.

I wouldn’t change my situation but I don’t think it’s a bad thing to have one child.

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