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One-child families

Got questions about only having one child? Find the answers here.

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Original poster

Not sure to have second child as will be 7 year gap?

57 replies

twinklz · 10/02/2018 11:46

Hi all,

I’m really struggling to decide wether to have another child. My only is nearly 6 and I’ve always wanted 2 children. I feel so guilty that I have left it so long. I can’t shake it off. I’m worried 7 years is too big a gap now as i always wanted them to be playmates and feel as though they will both miss out on this. Also I am 38. Any thoughts?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

foxmuldersufo · 10/02/2018 11:48

I would be worried about the risk of a disabled or SEN child and the considerable effect on my older child.
I just wouldn’t do it.

HanaK88 · 10/02/2018 11:51

There's 7 years between my oldest and youngest and they have a lovely relationship - the baby lights up when she sees him and 7yo loves the responsibility of being allowed to pick her up, feed her, take a bath with her.

You are siblings as adults for a lot longer than as children so I wouldn't get hung up on the playmate thing.

userabcname · 10/02/2018 11:54

7 years is an average age gap in my family. My brother and I are 11 years apart. I think it's fine and the older sibling usually loves helping to look after the baby. Go for it!

Original poster

twinklz · 10/02/2018 11:57

Thanks for your replies. Also wanted to say that I also worry that the second child would feel like another ‘only’

OP posts:

SummerRains · 10/02/2018 11:57

No need to feel guilty - life is what it is. You child/children will realise that when they are adults. But if age 38, better now than in 2/3yrs time

HanaK88 · 10/02/2018 11:58

There are lots of benefits to being an only though. Big age gap is kind of the best of both worlds.

RhubarbYoghurt · 10/02/2018 12:02

I was 38 when I had my 2nd child. I have an 18 year age gap. He's healthier than my first child. My pregnancy were no harder than the first one when I was 19. I have an 18 year age gap between my children.

I'm enjoying it more as I'm older and less worried about others views. I used to tie myself in knots as a people pleaser.

Take time to think about it and do what works for your family.

Floralnomad · 10/02/2018 12:03

We have a 6.5 yr age gap , they have just started to get along and they are 18 /25 . Having said that I would do the same again as we had them because we wanted them not because we wanted them to have a sibling .

manandbeast · 10/02/2018 12:05

I’m 38 and just had another baby after a 6 year age gap- it’s wonderful!!!

My older son has had the benefit of our full attention for 6 yrs, and absolutely adores his new baby brother. He hasn’t been jealous at all. My younger son already seems to love his older brother.

I thoroughly recommend it.

newme175 · 10/02/2018 12:05

I don’t post often but had to respond. I have 6 years and 9 months age gap between my children and they get on amazingly well! They have been playing together since the youngest was 1. It won’t be playmates in equal sense, but the older one would sit and help build duplo, and play with the younger ones toys. Also the oldest started helping to get his breakfast/ help watch him when I’m cooking etc from when the baby was 2 (so she was 9).
They have a very good sibling relationship and a sort of “second mummy” relationship as the younger one grew up respecting and listening to the older one, so would always behave when she looked after him.
Some people will tell you they will have different interests but mine are now 16 and 9 and we still enjoy family times. I’ve never had an issue with them having different interests, we have been enjoying theme parks, cinema, days out, holidays etc and it’s all been suitable for both ages.
One thing I have to say is that my younger one is very mature for his age and I believe has grown up a bit quicker due to having a much older sibling, that’s the only mild negative.
Another thing we did make the older ones room a no go area with a locked baby gate, this way the older one could have whatever toys in her room and not worry about the younger one messing up her stuff. We have been very strict on this and even to this day the younger one does not go to the room uninvited.
I would not hesitate to have this age gap if I had to do it all over again!

manandbeast · 10/02/2018 12:09

And to add I have a sister who is 13 years my junior and we have a fantastic relationship as adults. I adored her from the moment she was born, our relationship changed over the years. I looked after her as a baby and young child and now view her as one of my best friends. Our relationship is one of the best things in my life and better than my relationship with my brother who is two years younger than me.

lol at Fox’s hysterical response.

mojito55 · 10/02/2018 12:10

They will still be playmates but in a different way! There's 10 years between me and my DB and we've always got on amazingly. DM says he doted on me when I was little and I wouldn't leave him alone, always wanting to climb on him and play. I agree with PP that it is the best of both worlds. Less sibling squabbles for sure, and in a few years you'll get a free babysitter

Fondantfancypant · 10/02/2018 12:11

10.5 years between my sister and I, we have a great relationship and I used to enjoy playing with her when I was in my teens, she was my sidekick! We role played a lot of games, plus I would enjoy teaching her new things. It was an excuse for me to play babyish games which I secretly enjoyed.
My kids are 5 and 1 and the 5 year old wants to play with all the baby toys it's quite funny.

Original poster

twinklz · 10/02/2018 12:15

Thankyou so much everyone. I also forgot to add that I also worry about OUR ages as if we did have another, I would then be 39 and my OH would be 42.

OP posts:

RhubarbYoghurt · 10/02/2018 12:18

Age is but a number. My husband is 11 years older than me. He's a fantastic daddy to our child

DenPerry · 10/02/2018 12:33

There's 7 years between each of us kids (3 of us) and I did feel like an only most of the time as a child but once I hit teens I could relate more to my older siblings... now we are close and so glad I have them.

livoh · 10/02/2018 12:43

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BertramTheWalrus · 10/02/2018 13:33

I would be worried about the risk of a disabled or SEN child and the considerable effect on my older child.
Is this in reference to the OP's age? If so, you should do a bit of research - the risk of having an ill child are very, very low.

A friend of mine had her second at 42 with a 6 year gap, the boys get on well, they played a lot together from when the little one was 18 months or so. She is really happy with the age gap.

Clawdy · 10/02/2018 13:38

Some children with a large age gap will be close friends, and others born with a two year gap just don't get on, it's all down to different personalities.

Pompom42 · 10/02/2018 13:43

I have 9 years between my 2.
I ummed and ahhhed about having a second one and before I’d decided all that time had passed.
It’s been great for us. They are now 3 and 12 and 12 year old looks after 3 year old and helps get his breakfast etc and it hasn’t been a problem in terms of holidays, days out etc
I always try and do things that involved both of them, if not something with older one followed by something for younger one.
It’s worked out well for us and 12 year old regularly says how pleased they was to finally get a sibling. And I was 43 when I had my 2nd one.

Annabelle4 · 10/02/2018 13:45

I have 7 years between my daughters, they're nearly 9 and 15 now.
They are very close. They were never playmates as such, or shared similar interests, but that's been fine too. They have always been close, although DD1 didn't take much notice of DD2 until she was 2/3ish . That's just because she's not very interested in babies anyway, I'm sure another 7 or 8 year old would adore one.

I do notice the gap narrowing as DD2 gets older though and it's lovely. 7 years between adult siblings wouldn't even really be that noticeable.
DD2 has probably been more mature for her age with dd1s influence, but again that's fine too. DD2 idolises DD1 and is always trying to impress her and imitate her, much to dd1's amusement.

I found the baby years with DD2 much easier as I knew everything was just a phase and I wasn't torn between a toddler and a newborn like many others are.

I personally think people over analyse these things anyway. You have no idea if your children would be happy with small age gaps, with no siblings, etc. It might not even bother them one way or the other. I don't think it has to define their childhood.

Original poster

twinklz · 10/02/2018 17:51

Thanks so much again everyone

OP posts:

Jammycustard · 10/02/2018 17:54

I’m 7 years older than my sibling and we get on very well. 38 also isn’t that old, I had my third at 38.

LalaLeona · 13/02/2018 21:43

Go for it if you want to. I was 38 when I had my second after a 9 year gap ds2 is very robust and healthy

HidingFromTheWorld · 14/02/2018 19:05

My cousins have a 7 year gap (she's now 40, he's 47) and have always been exceptionally close. I used to be very envious as a child! He's her protector, as well as her brother and friend. It was apparently like that from the moment she arrived home from hospital.

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