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One-child families

Got questions about only having one child? Find the answers here.

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Original poster

Not sure to have second child as will be 7 year gap?

57 replies

twinklz · 10/02/2018 11:46

Hi all,

I’m really struggling to decide wether to have another child. My only is nearly 6 and I’ve always wanted 2 children. I feel so guilty that I have left it so long. I can’t shake it off. I’m worried 7 years is too big a gap now as i always wanted them to be playmates and feel as though they will both miss out on this. Also I am 38. Any thoughts?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

whattheactualbleep · 14/02/2018 19:17

Seven years between my eldest two (19 and 12 now)and they get on like a house on fire.
There's a five year gap between middle and youngest (7 and 12) and they don't get on so well but I think that will change as you hear grows up abit.

fortunatepiggy1 · 19/02/2018 22:26

I will have this gap if we ttc now and are successful .. unlikely given my age 41.. I've thought about another for a few years but never felt ready .. now I feel more ready than I have before but still not sure it's the right thing to do.. but I'm aware it's so late and may not happen anyway ..

And I'm not sure if it is actually want I want or not but I feel huge pressure to make a decision either way

mintich · 19/02/2018 22:35

There is a 7 yr gap between my bother and I. I never felt like an only child, but it probably made me more independent as we weren't at the same school at the same time. But we had great fun together

thisismadness77 · 19/02/2018 22:39

fortunatepiggy1 I think you might be me.... :)

Kinsorino · 19/02/2018 22:58

The only reason to have another child is because you want another child.

fortunatepiggy1 · 20/02/2018 18:35

Hi thisismadness..

We haven't tried before now because I'm not sure it's what I want but I'm worried that I will realise I want it when it's very definitely too late in the next few years..

I have bought some ovulation sticks and pre natal vits which is a big step but I've put them in the drawer for now...

thisismadness77 · 20/02/2018 23:10

Piggy we are off to a clinic this week for a mini fertility check. We did try three times in the last 2 years and I had three MC. My thinking is that if we do want to try again (we do) I don’t want a 4th consecutive m/c if the clinic say we are banging our head against a wall.. I’d rather take the decision to stick with one. I’m 40 so feel like I might be tempting fate having another at this age, perhaps the MC were because my body isn’t up to it now. Anyway, I should have a better idea by the weekend as to whether we have another attempt.

fortunatepiggy1 · 22/02/2018 16:34

Sorry to hear about your m/c thisismadness

Good luck at the clinic

fortunatepiggy1 · 03/03/2018 09:44

How did you get on thisismadness?

Sgtmajormummy · 03/03/2018 10:00

There are 7 years 8 months between my DC and I was 38 when the second was born. It is a bit like having two only children and DS has always been more of a protective older brother than a playmate, but they worship each other.
I found I didn’t have the same energy resources and time to sit down and play with my second child but we have an extremely close emotional bond.

As PP have said, they’ll always have each other as siblings which, as the youngest of 4 myself, I’ve grown to appreciate far more than being playmates in our childhood.

Sgtmajormummy · 03/03/2018 10:02

for those struggling.

leccybill · 03/03/2018 10:07

I'm 37 with an 8 year old and considering treatment after trying unsuccessfully for 5 years. It's heartening to read this thread.
I've been in a pit of despair lately about my age but maybe it will be ok.

Frazzled2207 · 03/03/2018 10:58

I have a friend with sons 7 years apart.
They're 5 and 12 now, started primary and secondary school respectively.
For such a big gap they have a really good relationship, ds1 loves being protective and ds2 loves the fact that he can play on ds1s far more grown up toys.
Also she had the second when she was nearly 40. I had my second when I was 38 albeit with a
Much smaller gap. Go for it.

chipsandgin · 03/03/2018 11:29

I would be worried about the risk of a disabled or SEN child and the considerable effect on my older child. I just wouldn’t do it

Firstly, what a ridiculous statement that is. A lot of my friends only started their families around this age, one of my best friends had her first at 38, second at 40 & third at 45, all fine. I had my second at 39 with a 7 year age gap with no problems- they adore each other & are wry close & in terms of my age, there are at least 5 Mums older than me waiting outside the classroom when I pick up my youngest. My brother is 42 & would love to start a family. Go for it OP!

chipsandgin · 03/03/2018 11:39

Just to add - the age gap comes in really handy for babysitting too once they reach 14/15!

WednesdayAddams2525 · 03/03/2018 11:54

There is almost 7years between me and my sister and we have always had a fantastic relationship. I never felt left out as I was old enough to have things explained, we never argued or fought, and as adults we have been very close.

I'd say go for it, if not you might regret it if you leave it much longer. I wouldn't feel guilty at all, maybe they won't be play mates in the way you wanted, but similarly won't be teenage monsters at the same time either!!

Good luck with such an exciting decision! X

fortunatepiggy1 · 04/03/2018 08:30

Did you decide Twinklz?

starlightafar · 04/03/2018 08:32

I did this. Regretted it. Not the baby, but the fact I left the gap. I had my life back, and then had to start again. I was late 30s also and in comparison to my first pregnancy felt like a knackered old lady.
Only difference is I am more patient, but also more tired.

fortunatepiggy1 · 04/03/2018 11:52

Thanks starlight but you are glad you went for it aren't you?

starlightafar · 04/03/2018 12:00

No. If i could turn back time Id have smacked myself silly for being so stupid

1Wanda1 · 04/03/2018 12:53

One of my friends has 7 years between her 2 and they have always had a lovely relationship and are great friends as adults (in early and late 20s).

fortunatepiggy1 · 04/03/2018 12:55

So you would rather have stuck with one child?

Zoflorabore · 04/03/2018 13:01

I have an 8 year gap. Ds is 15 and dd is 7.

Ds has AS and I had him when I was 25. Had severe Pre eclampsia and was bed bound in hospital from 30 weeks.

I was dreading it all with dd as was older and was told it could quite likely happen again.

Had a much easier pregnancy and birth with her, I was 33.

It is difficult sometimes to find things to do that they both like but I've found this is getting easier as they are older.
Dd has often seemed like an only child.

I wouldn't have chosen this gap but my circumstances did. I split up from ds's dad when he was 2 and met dp and had our dd a few years later.

Still, I wouldn't change a thing.

Doctordonowt · 04/03/2018 13:01

Mine were 10 and 8 when the the third was born. They have a really strong bond. The always got on well as kids. In fact, the younger one acted as peacemaker between the other two. Even though there is 10 years between the two boys, they have children of similar ages. Sometimes it is hard to tell who belongs to which set of parents as they spend so much time at sleepovers. Both the boys work shifts so babysit each other kids and do school pickups.

gunnergirl · 04/03/2018 13:10

I wouldn't worry I was 38 when I had my d's already had a 15 dd who was a godsend in helping as I was on my own they have a strong bond and now my son adores being an uncle to my dgd

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