AITA for keeping my baby off full nursery menu?

[novamama]

Dear Parents,

Nursery keeps pressuring me for moving my 10mo old onto the full nursery menu. Currently baby is still on "weaning" menu meaning 2 vegetables + 1 fruit / meal, two meals a day.

I'm reluctant to do so because they use salty and what I regard as highly processed foods that I'm in no hurry feed my baby to eat on a daily basis yet. Examples from menu are: Mac and cheese (cheddar) ; sandwich with ham and cheddar; bread with soft cheese; tuna and mayo jacket potato.

Baby's not even had cheddar cheese yet at home due to the high sodium levels; neither ham, neither mayonnaise.

We don't eat mac and cheese at home, and honestly I'd much rather my infant to stay on vegetables for the few days a week she's in nursery for.

It really feels like I'm the absolute alien for this choice, and they keep pressuring me.

If you're a scientist you should know that a small amount of cheddar doesn't mean a diet high in salt, and that a baked potato with tuna mayo is a pretty healthy, balanced meal.

Remember, diet not food.

Batch cooking and we have a big freezer to store foods. And by no means we have a different meal everyday. Soups, stews, casseroles freeze very well and ragus become very versatile to create several meals.

I cook everything from scratch. I never buy ready meals.
I don't think I spend a long time in the kitchen, although I do enjoy cooking.

When my children were small, I was probably more likely to give them sausages and fish fingers now and again. I tried not to feed them crap, but didn't want any of them to have difficult relationships with food.

However, one of them has ARFID (which wasn't diagnosed till he was an adult, although it started when he was 2) and three of them are autistic, and have strong preferences over food.

Parents can only do their best!

I do this, too. I make double the quantity needed and there are always lots of frozen home-made meals in our freezer.

We're actually retired now, so I have more time available to spend in the kitchen. But I've never bought ready meals.

Also, none of my four children went to nursery. DH and I managed our working lives so that one of us was at home with the children.

But two of them had school dinners and I never worried about what they were fed. They had good food at home. The other two took packed lunches.

And OP I get what you're saying, because I was a bit like that with my own PFB. A lot, actually. I recognise my younger self in you.

It'll be fine. I'm not trying to be patronising, I'm just advising you that you won't worry so much about this once your second baby makes its appearance.

Or more to the point, how the hell do you afford this?! We generally eat pretty well - evening meals always cooked from scratch, we don't use ready meals or packet sauces/mixes, we avoid processed where possible if you ignore the last 2 weeks but a diet entirely organic non-processed is expensive. Like, really expensive.

Not even attempting to compare to local farmshop prices which are astronomical but take Tesco:
1.5kg organic chicken £15 vs basic one £3.23
500g beef mince £6.20 vs £2.70
Pack of ham for sandwiches 92p.

What other non-processed protein can you get this cheap for 3 or 4 sandwiches? Even the jar of bolognese sauce at 69p - yes we all know homemade is better, tastier and can be batch-cooked but not at 69p for a family of 4!.

Please all spare a thought to people who are on a tight budgets when you look down in horror at them 'poisoning' their children - some would love to feed their children organic fresh produce but have neither the luxury of budget nor time you may do.

Not at all! Porridge for breakfast for everyone is easy. Chopping up a few salad bits or veg and steaming them takes no time. A bit of fish or some roasted chickpeas or boiled eggs or a baked potato are all speedy. With soups and stews I make extra portions and freeze. Lentils and pulses can often be swapped in for meat to make things cheaper. I work full time and am not a particularly brilliant cook.

I appreciate that some of this may take more time some people have, and that things like fresh fish are expensive. We can all only work within our own circumstances.

It is possible to get organic meat for close to standard supermarket prices by purchasing butchered beef carcass, one quarter at a time, direct from the farmer. That’s what I do.

I’d move if they thought sliced ham was ‘good food’ and ok for young kids, yes. I am shocked at some of the replies on this thread. People either don’t know what is really in sliced ham (or other UPF’s) or we’re at a point where people don’t care what they’re eating/don’t know what is good or bad food! Sliced ham is ultra processed and not a healthy food.

I cannot get worked up about a child being given a half slice of ham once a week or whatever.

There's kids being raised in haribo, cola and Doritos.

I can’t get worked up about a 2 year old being given the odd ham sandwich.

A 10 month old however - no way

I do cook from scratch every day - it's just part of my routine and how I was brought up.

It doesn't have to take long. Most of my weeknight recipes take less than half an hour

@AIBot no it really isn't plus most people don't have space for quarter of a cow or £6/700+ spare to spend on beef! I absolutely agree this is a more sensible, economical (compared to buy separately) more ethical, more sustainable and no doubt tastier way of eating and cooking, but for the vast majority of people totally unrealistic. And I was pointing out that many people give their kids crap UPF because that's all they can afford/have time for just as plenty don't actually know what a healthy diet looks like and plenty just don't give a shit.

As an update I asked nursery about bringing own food for the baby and was declined citing other babies possible allergies.

I asked to see the full menu and babies get at least once a week fish fingers and same week but another day fish cakes; cheesy crumpets with vege sticks for tea (after mac and cheese for lunch).

If my child was 2 and had this food on a regular basis I'd still not be bursting with joy, but as other parents said, I am super unhappy for my 10 month old to eat this ultra processed food.

Especially as they'd say "all food is made here", but when challenged it turns out it's actually bought ready made (eg fish fingers).

But all that food sounds fine OP.

If you're going to be that particular about food, then I don't think nursery is for you.

How much does that set you back?
Where do you store 50kg of meat?
Just how much beef do you eat???

Well, if it's a hill you'll die on, you'll have to remove the child from the setting and get them somewhere you can send in a packed lunch.

It sounds like you need to fund a nursery that can accommodate your food expectations. Personally I wouldn't worry about 2 days a week. My DD8 tends to eat a lot of non processed foods as she doesn't like them but she does love things like turkey dinosaurs, mcdonalds, crisps etc occasionally. Thankfully her school meals do tend to be freshly made apart from fish fingers which they have on Fridays. As your kid gets older I think you will have to relax your stance a little as you'll have other kids party food, sweets etc to contend with

That food sounds fine OP, really don’t get your concerns. How many times a week does she go to nursery? I wouldn’t feed mine fish fingers every day at 10 months but every so often as part of a balanced diet is fine. I doubt the fish cakes will be the exact ones you get at a supermarket full of salt and even if they are, they wouldn’t be eating a whole one and it’s not every day.

Cheesey crumpets are great, I discovered them when weaning my eldest. You need to give them a try, you won’t look back! Cheese is a great source of calcium for babies which is vital for them.

£650 and fills around half of a domestic chest freezer.
It provides nearly all of our meat, stock and fat for roast potato needs for the year, eating it twice a week.

I mean, fish fingers are lovely, we have them once a week but are the fish cakes bought too? It all depends, some might not be processed much at all..
What's a typical weekly plan? It can't be cheese things every day is it?!

Not perfect but fairly standard nursery fare. Childcare settings usually walk a fine line between what is nutritious and what their charges will eat.

How many meals per week does your baby eat there? Could you compensate for anything you’re not so happy about - by offering more veg (for example) with meals at home?

I don’t think it’s a hill I would die on, if your child is settled there and you’re happy with the rest of it.

Honestly, just let your baby enjoy food.
Dont obsess over it, she'll be fine.
Regarding salt, I found this very helpful in calming my worries:

solidstarts.com/sodium-and-babies/

@novamama
I'm with you, that seems an awful lot of processed foods for a weaning baby.
Are there many her age in the the nursery or is it mostly older children? Wondering if they aren't really set up for little ones?

The ham I can see the issue with (I give it to my son now and again now he's 2 but our nursery don't serve food like ham or sausages) but the rest I don't see an issue with. Babies at 10 months need more than just fruit and veg and I'd be worried about them not getting iron, carbs or protein.

I think nursery have the right idea and you sound rather precious. You can't keep a baby on a weaning menu and I can't believe anyone would have an issue with their baby having cheese! The amount of mayonnaise they will be having will be miniscule.

If you're going to put your baby in nursery then there's some things you need to let go of. If this is such an issue for you, then perhaps an alternative childcare provider would be better. Your child is no more special than the others that go there and you can't expect them to cater for her different (allergies etc aside)