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Original poster

AITA for keeping my baby off full nursery menu?

163 replies

novamama · 02/01/2025 18:32

Dear Parents,

Nursery keeps pressuring me for moving my 10mo old onto the full nursery menu. Currently baby is still on "weaning" menu meaning 2 vegetables + 1 fruit / meal, two meals a day.

I'm reluctant to do so because they use salty and what I regard as highly processed foods that I'm in no hurry feed my baby to eat on a daily basis yet. Examples from menu are: Mac and cheese (cheddar) ; sandwich with ham and cheddar; bread with soft cheese; tuna and mayo jacket potato.

Baby's not even had cheddar cheese yet at home due to the high sodium levels; neither ham, neither mayonnaise.

We don't eat mac and cheese at home, and honestly I'd much rather my infant to stay on vegetables for the few days a week she's in nursery for.

It really feels like I'm the absolute alien for this choice, and they keep pressuring me.

OP posts:
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BarbaraHoward · 02/01/2025 21:31

FlyingHighFlyingLow · 02/01/2025 21:27

"Food is just for fun up to one" is similar to the "Don't give baby any salt".

It's short catchy phrases to convey a message taken to literally. From my convo with the dietician they said really a little salt is fine, it's more targeted at parents saying don't give them takeaways and McDonald's for all meals.

The food is fun is more to keep parents giving kids milk and to stop them being too scared when kids are picky or go through teething phases when they only want milk.

Show quote history

Exactly.

MajorCarolDanvers · 02/01/2025 21:41

At 10 months your baby should be having much more variety than just fruit and veg. From 6 months they can eat pretty much anything except whole nuts and honey.

Completelyjo · 02/01/2025 21:42

They say food is just for fun up to one.

Who does though? It’s parroted on here all the time but it’s certainly not NHS advice in the UK.

TurkeyLurkey4 · 02/01/2025 22:13

Read up on age appropriate weaning, something like Charlotte Stirling-Reed’s How to Wean Your Baby is great because she’s an infant nurtitionist. They’re probably suggesting this approach because she’s hungry, and it wouldn’t be nice for her to see other children eating different foods than her and she’s not allowed. By 10 months, babies should be on more of a variety and fats, proteins and carbohydrates are crucial. She needs more sustenance than veggie purées! If you don’t like what they’re offering, send her in with a nutritionally-balanced alternative that you’ve made. Better to embrace the changes and let her enjoy getting a varied diet before the fear of new foods kicks in and she becomes super fussy!

roshi42 · 02/01/2025 22:18

TinyMouseTheatre · 02/01/2025 20:02

What he's on now simply don't enough for a 10 month old.

There's a good, evidence based, guide for feeding babies during the first year here. You'll probably need to read from page 78 Flowers

That resource is incredible, thank you!!! Struggling currently to wean my 9 month old and reading this thread in horror - we haven't progressed much beyond purées. I now feel I am starving her!

mitogoshigg · 02/01/2025 22:24

My dc ate all of these evils, ham, cheese, shop bread ... and they are healthy adults one a little underweight (size 6) and the other incredibly fit playing her sport at a high level (been on tv, proud mama)

Let them eat a quarter of sandwich or baked potato, it really is ok

drspouse · 02/01/2025 22:29

At that age they need iron: can't you send a packed meal?

LAK89 · 03/01/2025 00:41

Narwhalsh · 02/01/2025 19:40

I followed baby led weaning with all of mine which meant giving them proper food from the get go at 6 months. Personally it sounds like you’re being a bit precious but if you can’t budge then probably an idea to find a childminder who will ask you to supply your own food.

introducing flavours and spices (and allergens) from a young age is generally considered a good thing (unless allergies in the family) to help a baby develop a love of interesting food

Textures too of course to help their jaw develop properly!

pimplebum · 03/01/2025 00:48

Ofsted inspect food provision
all providers have rules to adhere to regarding sugar and salt
my kids used to bring home examples of cake and buscuits they had made at nursery - disgusting !! because minimal amount of fat and no salt and teeny bit of sugar in a cake - literally their idea of a “ cake “ tasted like the play doh my mum used to make me

if you are scared of a bit of cheddar then you are going to have melt down when they start going to kids parties

AIBot · 03/01/2025 00:50

I wouldn’t give a baby ham, but they need to experience a widening variety of foods at this age. Why not request the vegetarian version of the menu if you’re keen for them to continue to eat plenty of vegetables. That would also avoid processed and nitrite preserved meat.

NiftyKoala · 03/01/2025 01:22

TwentyTwentyFive · 02/01/2025 19:18

I would imagine if you continue to insist they will ask you to leave to be honest. It's not fair or healthy for your child to only eat vegetables and puree food in the time she is at the nursery, poor thing is probably miserable most of the day as she's so hungry.

Poor thing watching the others eat.

muggart · 03/01/2025 07:53

That's pretty sad that such young children are being fed like that.

Is your child actually hungry during the day at nursery? if not then YANBU.

TinyMouseTheatre · 03/01/2025 08:02

if you are scared of a bit of cheddar then you are going to have melt down when they start going to kids parties

Exactly. I have a DCousin who was only fed a very strict vegetarian diet with no treats, ever. As soon as she wax out of earshot of her DOs she'd ask for sweets and if she thought she had enough time she would ask to go to Burger King.

yipyipyop · 03/01/2025 08:09

That's not enough solid food for a 10 month old. It will be good for them to have something other than mashed veg and fruit. I stopped doing that within the first few weeks of weaning.

emmax1980 · 03/01/2025 08:10

Ive only ever worked in a nursery that food is made on sight and no salt and sugars added

Original poster
novamama · 03/01/2025 08:57

It seems I triggered a whole debate on this thread, which I thank you for. I can see varied opinions on this matter.

I haven't managed to read all replies yet but I'll address some recurrent questions.

To clarify, baby has never actually had puréed food - she's always been BLW method eating chunks of vege and fruit, including at nursery. Texture wise, she's ok with foods.

What does baby eat at home? After nursery she has smaller portions of our dinner or I make some dinner for her separately. For example, last night she had brothy chicken soup, with parsnip, carrot, beetroot and mandarine. Other examples of home meals are fish with vege and rice; or chicken lentil stew we make these days.

I'm also obviously concerned she's not getting the nutrition she needs just from vege and fruit, and was hoping to find alternatives.

One suggestion here is to ask if I can bring her own food, thanks for that. I'll enquire.

Also, thanks for breaking down the sodium content in cheddar per 100g. That makes it sound a bit better than what the packets show in red.

OP posts:
Original poster
novamama · 03/01/2025 09:00

FlyingHighFlyingLow · 02/01/2025 19:29

NHS website states 1g of salt per day limit for under 1 yo.

Mature cheddar had 1.8g of salt per 100g of cheese. Considering baby portion sizes its really not going to be more than like 5g, not the 50g it would take to be at the limit. 5g of cheese also has about 40mg of calcium in it, out of the 260mg they need daily. And fats! Which are super important for their developing brains.

A slice of ham 0.3g of salt - again in a baby sized sandwich there will not even be a full slice in there. But it will have protein significantly lacking in the fruit and veg puree.

Bread may be processed but it's fortified. Hovis best of both has a lot of calcium in it. Often iron etc too.

This is a very useful breakdown, thank you for this. Puts my heart at ease a little.

OP posts:
Original poster
novamama · 03/01/2025 09:05

Lifecanbebeautiful12 · 02/01/2025 19:41

I completely understand you, OP. My daughter recently started a pre school where they have cooked lunches with the rest of the school and I’ve agreed with the school that on the days where there are the more processed meals on the menu my daughter will have a jacket potato with cheese and vegetables (these are offered every day anyway, they’re not being cooked separately for her).

It’s really odd to me that people have become so ok with eating processed foods and giving them to their kids. At home we eat fresh, organic, home cooked food every day so I don’t want my kids going to school and having a processed lunch every day. Meals that I would make healthy at home, ie stews, pasta sauces etc are made unhealthy at school by them using pre packaged sauces and cooking food in cheap oils. Even the meat they use is not of a good quality.

Somehow along the way we who don’t want to eat factory made, processed, chemical laden foods became the weird ones but you’re doing the right thing! There is so much evidence showing the long term effects of high sugar, high salt, high processed food diets and what parent would knowingly subject their kids to that 🤷🏻‍♀️

Thank you for this comment. This is exactly where I come from.

OP posts:
Original poster
novamama · 03/01/2025 09:15

Calmol · 02/01/2025 20:59

Ahh, OP, you’re getting a pasting on here but I really do empathise.

I have struggled a bit in my battles over food with my children. I’m a hospital doctor and, although by no means a specialist in nutrition, I see every day the effect that poor diet and lifestyle choices can have.

Perhaps as a result, I suppose I have been quite strict in what I will feed my children. I’m not an amazing cook, but everything I give them is homemade and balanced. They never had any processed or packaged snacks, no processed meat, no cake or chocolate or sweets. I just don’t think it’s necessary, especially in very young children.

When my eldest was two, I gradually (and kind of painfully) made the effort to “loosen up” and allow them to share a piece of cake occasionally when we went out, and to join in at parties. Because I know that anything that they realise is “banned” will become more appealing, and I don’t want to cause disordered eating.

The older they get, the more I realise how pervasive poor dietary choices are. Why are menus for children almost always made up of beige food? What’s wrong with a smaller, less salty version of salmon and veg or a curry?

My younger two go to a different nursery than my eldest as we moved house, and I struggled with the food - I think they had cake for pudding on day one, aged 13 months. I loved everything else about the setting and I realise that I can’t ask them to separate my children and feed them lentils, so I’ve decided to reluctantly go along with it, and maintain my usual efforts at home.

Thank you for this comment, I'm also a scientist and therefore I know of the studies regarding the obesity in children and adults and the effects of the western diet. I'm really trying my best to prevent the worst as much as I can.

OP posts:
ByQuaintAzureWasp · 03/01/2025 09:19

Make your own baby meals and take them in for nursery to re-heat. I'd not be happy with the nursery menu, but fruit and veg is not enough either.

MagentaRavioli · 03/01/2025 09:20

Yes. You ATA.

Buxomblondie · 03/01/2025 09:23

Be careful not to go too far the other way though. Anorexia has a higher morbidity than obesity (even 'morbid' obesity).

I understand the pressure to 'do food' perfectly having had eating disorders myself (now in recovery thank God). So I absolutely sympathise with you and there is a lot of pressure on mums not to let their kids get too chubby.

Just keep an eye on yourself and the messages you're sending your dd about eating 💐

Btw, my family is full of doctors and they all go one way or the other with food! I think doctors can be a bit more vulnerable to eating disorders for some reason. (Just speculation or coincidence maybe)

FoxInTheForest · 03/01/2025 09:26

You'll end up with a fussy eater if you don't introduce a range of textures and flavours.

Buxomblondie · 03/01/2025 09:41

Buxomblondie · 03/01/2025 09:23

Be careful not to go too far the other way though. Anorexia has a higher morbidity than obesity (even 'morbid' obesity).

I understand the pressure to 'do food' perfectly having had eating disorders myself (now in recovery thank God). So I absolutely sympathise with you and there is a lot of pressure on mums not to let their kids get too chubby.

Just keep an eye on yourself and the messages you're sending your dd about eating 💐

Btw, my family is full of doctors and they all go one way or the other with food! I think doctors can be a bit more vulnerable to eating disorders for some reason. (Just speculation or coincidence maybe)

Be careful not to go too far the other way though. Anorexia has a higher morbidity than obesity (even 'morbid' obesity).

I was told this in hospital btw before anyone starts jumping up and down shouting "SOURCE? SOURCE?! 🤪 "

I don't think it's as clear cut as that but I think she said acute anorexics have a 5% chance of dying within 4 years whereas morbid obesity 'only' reduces life expectancy by about 3-14 years. Since most acute anorexics are between 10 and 20 years old, anorexia is more dangerous at an individual level.

I'm not very scientific though as you may be able to tell 😂

But do be careful. Anorexia and orthorexia can absolutely fuck your life up.

I actually don't think being a bit fat (not morbidly obese) or eating the odd bit of cake etc fucks you up in the same way tbh. The messaging that we must not get even a wee bit chunky is making a small number of people a lot of money. Whoever makes mounjaro, whoever owns ww and so on.

Bowing out now as I'm rambling / going off on one 😂 xo

LuckySantangelo35 · 03/01/2025 09:46

Those that say they eat organic, non processed, made from scratch food every single day….like how? Do you not end up spending all your time in the kitchen?