Hygiene warning given by nursery

[Katied1331]

Looking for some advice, our DD is attending a nursery for 15 hours and today we have been called in for a meeting as she apparently has severe nappy rash that they believe needs to be seen my a GP (granted it is a little red but nothing a bit of cream won't fix) they also insist on applying yellow cream at every nappy change something that we don't do as this created a problem with our other children! She has been sent home from nursery and not allowed back until she has seen a GP!

The nursery manager has since emailed us and requested a meeting on her hygiene (hair/clothes/previous nappy rash) she has ringlet curls and doesn't allow us to comb/brush her hair so sometimes it does look a little rough! Obviously I am upset that we are being called in but is this anything I should be worried about?!

Ringlet curls you would brush and style when wet though and probably put leave in conditioner in to untangle and mange you wouldn't brush them dry ? Also nappy rash must be pretty bad for them to flag it ?

If it benefits your daughter then I’d go to the meeting and take their advice. Good luck.

Also you don’t need to bath a kid every night. But they must be washed every day.

we do a bath every other /every 2 days but a ‘top and tail’ wash in between using warm water and cotton pads, dry , moisturise. In to a clean sleep suit. Ours has dry skin so a full bath every day would be too much, but the gentle washing is also party of the wind down.

There's a vast amount of information online now about managing all types of curly hair at all ages - but basically a lot of conditioner and a tangle teazer/wide tooth comb and making it clear it isn't optional

You can manage the hair better but like tooth brushing your DD doesn't get to opt out because she doesn't like it.

I'm sorry but she can't stop you from coming or brushing her hair. I'm sure you are embarrassed but all their concerns are easy to fix.

My son also 3 doesn't let me brush his hair or teeth or wash his face but best believe I still do it, why would you want her to be the dirty/ smelly kid. It takes minutes and this is definitely neglectful

If your DD is ‘a little red’ in her nappy area she will be in pain. You can’t ignore nappy rash it needs to be dealt with.

My DD used to get nappy rash all the time and eventually we worked out it was from a dairy intolerance. In the meantime we used extremely thick nappy cream at every single change. That was the only way to avoid it.

Toddlers don’t get to have a say on having their hair brushed. Use a tangle comb on wet hair with plenty of conditioner. Then, just like the nappy cream, you need to be really consistent brushing it twice a day, so she gets used to it and the tangles don’t get too unmanageable.

You need to clean your child. She doesn't get to say no to that.

What you're describing is a child with unbrushed hair, severe nappy rash and concerns about presumably unclean or too-small clothes. While active children can end a day with mud on their clothes and twigs in their hair, they shouldn't start a day like that. And while nappy rash can affect many children, it still needs to be addressed early and treated appropriately.

Go to the meeting, listen to their concerns and ask for advice/help. Then make and sustain improvements. Not doing this could lead to a social work referral.

Things you can start doing today:

Daily cleaning of your child. Bare minimum - top and tail daily with bath or shower (including hair wash) every second day; teeth brushing twice daily; hair brushed until all tangles gone morning and night and as-required in between; use baby wipes or a damp baby flannel to remove food and dirt as-required. Some people will do a bath or shower less frequently (eg twice a week), but at this point you need to get her clean and keep her clean as well as addressing a severe nappy rash, so you need to be really on top of this.

Clean and appropriate clothes every day - everything, including socks, vests, pants. It doesn't matter if they're from a designer shop or from the supermarket (actually, supermarket clothes can be really good for nursery as they often wash well and withstand active play), but they need to fit her, not have inappropriate things on them, and be clean. She also needs a spare set of everything in her bag for nursery so they can change her if needed.

Treat her nappy rash. Not doing so is neglect. If you aren't sure that the nursery's recommendation is the right cream, then go and see your GP and get one recommended or a treatment prescribed if needed. But you can't do nothing - it's uncomfortable and an infection risk. You also need to change nappies frequently and as soon as she's done a poo, and keep the area really clean.

If you're struggling to get on top of things, you need to make contact with your Health Visitor and ask for help. This is your child's health and wellbeing that people are worried about.

I have straight hair my dd ringlets. Yes it's hard but you can YouTube and Google. When she was little I'd comb it out before I rinsed her conditioner. She hated having her hair combed. Oh well it had to be done. Plaits help a lot.

You should be worried not about nursery contacting you but about your inability to perform the basic tenets of parenting - keeping your child clean and comfortable. None of my children have ever had a nappy rash while in my sole care because I am super diligent about changing them. Both children developed rashes in hospital / other care settings so it is about diligence and hygiene in their cases rather than some predisposition to a rash.

Severe nappy rash is so painful for little ones - my daughter came out of NICU with a rash so bad that she was bleeding. This was fixed within 5 days by diligent diaper changes using room temp water, cotton pads and metanium (the yellow cream you disparage). I cried every diaper change until she was better. You need to take this seriously - if nursery are flagging it then it sounds like much more than a slightly red bottom.

Toddlers often try to resist things that are in their interests but appropriate washing, teeth and hair brushing, clean and short nails and clean clothing are truly the basics. This is your job. If you need help then that is fine and you should ask for it but honestly I am staggered that you are making excuses for your child’s poor hygiene.

Honestly, I hope that all nurseries flag up issues like this and pursue with social services where appropriate. You may not like to hear it but if your child is dirty and rashy then you are not meeting their needs properly.

Her hair still needs brushing even if she hates having it done. It must be bad if they have called you in for it. Find a way to put it up so it’s not in her way.

Are you sending her in dirty clothes? She needs to be in clean clothes, nurseries are used to stained clothes as obviously people don’t want to send their children in their best clothes but they should be clean.

I'm with pp OP. The nursery will be calling you in because they don't feel she is being adequately cleaned and cared for. You're going to need to step up and take on board what they're saying and accept that this is for the good of your child.

Firstly, basic hygeine is not optional. You need to be the boss. Your dd needs to be in clean clothes, have her hair and teeth brushed. Give her options how this is achieved eg 'would you like the tv on or to read a book whilst I brush hair?' but make it clear that it has to be done, no excuses.

The ultimate best cure for nappy rash is to leave the nappy off and give the skin chance to breathe. Nursery won't be able to do this of course but at home keep it off if you can stand to. Puppy training pads and be ready with a potty. I don't think you say how old she is but she's perhaps old enough to consider starting potty training? If you're really struggling though then take her to the GP. She could need some stronger cream to get on top of it.

My dd has super curly hair. Always brush it through when wet with a wide tooth comb or wet brush. Even if you're not fully washing it spray with a spray bottle of water and some detangling conditioner. If it's long enough then tie it back and ideally braid it most of the time especially when at school/nursery. You can google the curly girl method for more advice on care and products. It really isn't an excuse that she won't let you brush it. You find a way of managing it or cut it short. If it truly mats up it will be awful for the poor child and will end up needing to be cut anyway.

Good luck with the meeting. Please take on board what the nursery say. You may not agree with all their methods but they care for tonnes of kids and they wouldn't be calling you in if there weren't some stand out issues.

Your DD doesn't get to decide if she has her hair combed. Both my DDs used to scream (usually before I'd actually touched them) but it was non negotiable. DS hates having his teeth brushed but again, he doesn't get to decide.
Nappy rash is horrible but it's not fair to say you should have noticed it. DS can seem to develop it really easily, be fine in the morning but need cream by lunch. Can you leave some cream at nursery? It must be really bad if they are insisting she needs to see a GP.
I've worked in childcare for a long time and you are downplaying how bad things are. Nursery wouldn't call you in just for a meeting just because of a slight nappy rash. There's more to it than you're admitting.

My son has ringlet curls that we brush only twice a week when his hair is washed, we keep it short and trimmed often to keep it neat. If your daughter won't let you look after her curly hair, she needs to have it cut short until she's old enough to look after it properly. Or you need to be stepping up and insisting that she has it done, even if she fusses.

Curly hair is generally more likely to look messy on a child, but it's not inevitable.

it doesnt seem helpful to anyone that she cannot come back to nursery though

FFS you can’t fail to perform basic hygiene because they ‘won’t let you’ I have an incredibly strong willed curly haired 3yo DD and a non verbal ASD 4yo DS. If they got to choose their own hygiene routine they would literally both have fleas by now.

Bathed AT LEAST every other day. Daily if they’re muddy, covered in gunk or had suncream on. Teeth brushed once a day minimum. Fresh clothes daily, couple of clean spares in a bag for nursery. Hair brushed every morning (yes there will be a massive argument but bribe her if need be).

Honestly can’t believe I’m having to type that!

“they also insist on applying yellow cream at every nappy change something that we don't do as this created a problem with our other children!”
I’m not sure what you’re saying here OP but it does not sound like your doing the right things for the right reasons.

Surely her curly hair must look more than messy? How often do you wash it? You need to wash it, then use curl products and ‘set’ it in neat curls. It should look curly but not untidy. As for the nappy rash, the ‘yellow cream’ is magic! Why wouldn’t you use it? And what’s the issue with her clothes? Are they dirty? Torn? Too small? She should be going to nursery in clean, fresh, fitting clothes. They don’t have to be expensive ones.

So yes, it is a concern. I’ve never heard of a nursery calling a parent in for something like this. Get support if needed and sort it out. It might just be a few changes you need to make, but you do need to deal with these things.

In my experience it takes quite significant concerns about possible neglect for things like this to be raised so I’d take what they say seriously, or expect to be assessed by children’s services.

The nursery must have seen hundreds of cases of nappy rash over the years so for them to say it’s severe must mean it’s really bad
I found fresh air, washing with water and no wipes for a couple of days so helpful

Yes, you should be concerned, it is unusual for a nursery to raise these concerns.

Regarding your child’s hair it should be washed every day or every other day as toddlers get filthy. Use conditioner while washing to remove tangles. Buy a spray bottle like they use at the hair dresser. Before nursery, spray her hair with water, use a detangling brush and comb her hair and braid or tie into ponytail. Use clips to pin rest of the hair down and away from her face so it doesn’t bother her eyes and she can see properly. This hair brush is really good.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Denman-Tangle-Tamer-Ultra-Brush/dp/B010UXX5WG/ref=asc_df_B010UXX5WG/?tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=310754896709&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=8940478634044629572&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9046259&hvtargid=pla-403449061365&psc=1&mcid=a4b622a86dd73880bebf5152bcd1fe7a

For severe diaper rash, please see the GP. In future use bepanthen cream, it is really effective. Change diaper as soon as it is soiled, wash with water and pat dry with soft muslin cloth if at home. Baby wipes can sometimes aggravate the problem and also hurt the child as it stings when nappy rash is bad/bleeding.

Clothes should be clean and fresh and your child’s teeth should be brushed. Toddlers resist all these things but make it a game or distract them with a toy while you help them with these things. This is personal hygiene and very important for them to learn early on. You can’t not do it because the child doesn’t want it, they don’t get to choose. You are the parent, parent the child.

Buy cheeky wipes. They come in a pack of 25. Buy x2. Just the wipes not the set needed. They are basically just small
face cloths.
Then use these for all nappy changes, and hands and face after every meal.

For nappy changes just run and few dry clothes under warm water before change and into empty Tupperware box so they aren’t wet everywhere. Then change nappy and use 1-2 on dirty bum. They really clean way better than disposable and if just wee will properly clean whole area. Then use clean dry Muslim cloth to dry bum. Use another fresh wipe to clean face and hands at every change also, and under neck. That way hands/ face/ bums are being cleaned several times a day.

Yes. You should be worried. About your poor little girl.

Nappy rash is a basic need that needs to be controlled immediately. The messy hair/dirty clothes/generally all round filthy is normal only AFTER the nursery day is done. It’s a sign of a good day at nursery I think! Not before. Always sent in clean and well kept.

@TeaKitten sorry I was very overtired last night! I meant I read the post again. Don't know why I wrote update. It's a shame the OP hasn't been back.