Hygiene warning given by nursery

[Katied1331]

Looking for some advice, our DD is attending a nursery for 15 hours and today we have been called in for a meeting as she apparently has severe nappy rash that they believe needs to be seen my a GP (granted it is a little red but nothing a bit of cream won't fix) they also insist on applying yellow cream at every nappy change something that we don't do as this created a problem with our other children! She has been sent home from nursery and not allowed back until she has seen a GP!

The nursery manager has since emailed us and requested a meeting on her hygiene (hair/clothes/previous nappy rash) she has ringlet curls and doesn't allow us to comb/brush her hair so sometimes it does look a little rough! Obviously I am upset that we are being called in but is this anything I should be worried about?!

I think honestly this thread has little do do with social service. Far more for a child's comfort. Nappy rash hurts. So you do all you can to solve it. The more tangled hair is the worse it hurts when it's finally combed. So you keep it combed, or plaited, or pony tied. Being clean and fresh does not mean impeccably dressed and hair perfect. We all know it hurts to have tangled hair, it feels nice to be clean. Why would you not do these simple tasks for your child?

Lifelong curly here. DONT brush or comb it. It will break, tangle, frizz, and HURT. I'm not surprised she won't let you brush it.

She needs her own products and routine specifically for curls. Shampoo, conditioner, ease the tangles out when it has conditioner in it. Rinse, curl cream while wet and plop and scrunch with a microfibre towel, then leave to dry or diffuse dry - don't rub dry; that will break the curls and refrizz.

This is a good brand - yes, it's expensive, but the results are worth it.

https://onlycurls.com/collections/little-curls

.... And before anyone kicks off about price, the Only Curls brand I included above is just one example of the kind of suitable product available for this hair type.

I had ringlet curls - long ones.
I screamed every day during hair brushing.

My mum’s solution was to take me to her salon and have her hairdresser give me a pixie cut.

And that was the end of that.

Did your curls grow back? I have always heard people say they don't.

I am sorry but if you genuinely are a social worker and policy is that dirty children with unbrushed hair and teeth and untreated nappy rashes aren’t an issue then there is a huge problem with the standards that social services are working towards. Every child deserves to be clean and comfortable.

Also, from the number of cases I have seen in the media where neglected children known to social services are left to suffer and die at the hands of their parents I would venture to say that a lot of us do in fact know better than social services. Nappy rash, cavities from unbrushed teeth, matter hair and poor hygiene all sound very much like neglect to me.

I would be worried yes. And id also be very embarrassed and see this as a sign I need to do better for my little girl. She is quite obviously going into nursery looking uncared for. That would upset me. Her clothes they say are dirty. Her hair is messy and she has nappy rash. It's no wonder they are flagging this up it's their job to try and identify neglected children and if you dont do better they will report to social services. Make sure she is bathed and clean clothes. Hair done. It's part of life. They have to get used to having their hair brushed if they like it or not. Wash it and put lots of conditioner then Comb it all through. Brush it morning and night to stay on top of it. Come on do it for your child. That's so sad. Sudocrem At every nappy change it's really not difficult it's basic care.

Whilst you have a point social workers are overwhelmed with actual abuse going on.
If an otherwise loving parent is not brushing a child’s hair or washing clothes regularly this is not a cause of concern for ss.
If mild neglect was all that ss had to deal with their lives would be great.

Also this parent is sending their dc to nursery, this means they have nothing to hide.
Real neglect would be keeping a dc at home in filthy conditions.

I think many pp’s have, fortunately, not come into contact with real child neglect.
In my professional capacity, many years ago, I have visited homes where the carpets are black and sticky, the babies clothes smell of sour milk and the house smells so bad that you try to hold your breath for as long as possible.

Also I know a nursery nurse whose dc are impeccably turned out. If she was raising my dgc I would be very worried about the cold, hard hearted manner in which she acts towards dc.
Imo a happy, warm hearted home with mild neglect is preferable to a clean and sterile scary atmosphere where the dm expects adult behaviour from tiny dc.

That's not neglect though. Not even close.

You do realise that children in expensive spotless clean clothes from middle class families with ponies and playrooms horrifically abuse their kids right? And it goes horrendously underreported. And similarly as nouvellenovel rightly points out, people without a pot to piss in whose homes and presentation is 'scruffy' can be the most loving dedicated warm parents and those kids are cherished.

Real neglect is nothing like what is being reported here. The kid goes to nursery for a start - parents who really do abuse their kids rarely send their children to nursery.

Really? Im not doubting you but I am just really surprised that you would be cautioned for encouraging a service user to challenge school/nursery?. Me and my team do this all the time. I literally did it yesterday - overzealous school (again) who in our view were bullying a family with a lad who had disengaged from school. It got reported to us as neglect - home conditions apparently 'unliveable' (they most certainly are not), and mum is 'neglectful' (she most certainly is not) because she couldn't get him to school. My manager gave the head a right telling off tbh. I can't give too much details but after lots of work, I've got this lovely boy into a supported internship. The family are lovely, the boy is lovely, they live in a housing association property that has some disrepair (not their fault what are they supposed to do?) and they are a bit scruffy. But its a loving caring happy home. The school basically want this child put into care which is absolutely ridiculous and in my view they have failed him and allowed him to be bullied and hence disengaged with school - and now he's been moved to a more appropriate learning environment following one of his passions. The family have been encouraged to now disengage with school and we've helped him move elsewhere and weve told them why. Why would we be given a caution for that? As social workers we are allowed to challenge nurseries/schools/police/health if we think they are wrong - i literally do it every single day. Afterall we are the expects in safeguarding not the other professions. Its literally our job to be professionally curious. Im not doubting you or being goady, I am very aware different local authorities have different policies and I have only worked in two so Im really curious if you could expand on that. Are you a children's social worker?

Ah, apologies you are in the US because you say CPS (Child Protected Services)? Here our training instils in us to be professionally curious and challenge other professionals if need be - its actively encouraged. And with our service users we would make our recommendations and if that goes against what another professional has advised then that would be fine if we can justify it. Saying that, going against medical advice isn't something I've ever recommended, but if we have had a referral in for 'suspected neglect' because a toddler fell off a bed or something like that (we get a lot of those) it wouldn't go much further than a phone call.

Huh?! My children talk, both started talking early and always loved baths, they still do! So yes, I knew they were happy and enjoyed getting and feeling clean. Even if they have had a shower in the morning which is unusual and rarely happens they will insist on a bath at night time. It is part of their getting ready for bed routine. Hardly difficult to know how a small child who doesn’t disguise emotions feels! 🤣😂

Metanium cream is good for nappy rash in lots of cases, but occasionally I found it made it worse. This was because they developed eczema in the same place....as a previous poster said, keep washing and drying the area and see your GP. Sometimes these rashes don't disappear easily, but the process of trial and error usually reveals something. I found Vaseline worked wonders for my children's skin, we always have some in now.

Show willing at the meeting and take responsibility. It's difficult for you, but so much worse for your little girl. Take a deep breath and do what you need to. I really do hope the situation improves for your family.

You're being very tunnel-visioned with your views about child abuse here whilst accusing social services of being.... tunnel visioned.

It's obvious that the nursery see something that suggests that the child might not be being cared for adequately. All people are saying is that OP should take it seriously and that there's no excuse for refusing to treat nappy rash and detangle a child's hair.

I think that the most reasonable assumption we can make is that nursery are experienced enough to know what's this morning's orange juice on the kid's clothes or an old baked bean stain and what's clothing that hasn't seen a washing machine enough. They will know what's typical unruly toddler hair and what hasn't been brushed for days. Since it appears that OP has dumped and run though I guess we'll never really know...

Troll thread.

Op has also started another thread about being pregnant by another woman’s husband.

She won’t be coming back to either one…

Thats what I thought. You cant let your baby have continued nappy rash its not on. It's irritable and painful.

Get the right cream and help from a GP if necessary.

Her hair isnt an issue as long as its clean. Lots of babies hate you doing their hair - again it can hurt them.

And yes I'd be mortified if a nursery told me I'm not looking after my childs cleanliness well.

@Bringonthesunforthewashing there really are some complete weirdos out there !!

How do you know? The usernames are different ..

I think there is a huge difference between people who look scruffy and those whose clothes are faded/old but clean. I am asian and if you visit any of the government schools from where I belong, you will see kids neatly turned out in washed but faded uniform, hair oiled and neatly combed/plaited and overall well turned out. Their parents earn less in a month than an average person earns in a day. They are loving, hardworking parents who houses are often huts with thatched roofs, but they make the effort to keep their children clean and give their child education because that is the only way for them out of poverty. I am not saying rich people can’t neglect or abuse their children I am sure they do. But whether rich or poor, being lazy and not washing your kids clothes or giving them a bath, treating diaper rash etc. is also neglectful. And if you become a parent it is imperative that you do better atleast for the sake of your child!

@Change2banon another poster said so, can’t remember how she knew

I hope your GP was able to help with the nappy rash.
How painful for your daughter.

This would be my bare minimum ..

Fresh inner clothes and clean teeth every morning and wash face and bum too if in overnight nappies.
Fresh outer clothes every second morning unless they look dirty.
Wash hands before eating and after toileting or playing with animals.
Night time top and tail washes and clean teeth before bed and brush hair with conditioner (if curly) then put into pony tail or plait.
Bath or shower - two or three per week and after washing hair comb with curl spray conditioner and plait or put into ponytail.

Remember to dry the nappy area thoroughly and apply cream prescribed by the doctor. Air the nappy area, if she can, each day and change nappies promptly.

This has nothing to do with class though. If a child of wealthy parents had painful diaper rash and dirty (by this I mean un-laundered not stained / faded) clothing and matted hair then I would hope that those parents were reported as well.

You say that real neglect sounds nothing like this but I am always haunted by some of the detail in the worst of the child abuse cases - “his nails were dirty” (Archie Battersbee); “ his hands, feet and armpits were dirty, and he had long nails and a smell of body odour” (Stephen Angell). I know that these cases were the most despicable but I guess I wish that people had paid more note to the “minor” signs of neglect and these poor babies had not been left to suffer. I am aware that I may be over-emotive on this topic as a new mom but it just breaks my heart to think of any child going hungry or dirty or otherwise uncared for. Sorry if I came off overly strident before…

Can't imagine how applying yellow cream impacts your other children - that's a strange thing to say.

How many other children do you have OP and why is the type of nappy rash cream an issue with them?

Nursery feel she needs to see a GP with regards to the nappy rash, so it must be bad for them to say that. Heaven knows they will have seen a lot of nappy rash. First stop - GP as you really need to take that seriously.

Get the hair issue sorted, nits will be an issue at school and you can't just refuse to brush her hair as she kicks off.

My soon to be 3 year old DD has the most beautiful tight curly hair - so I understand it can be very difficult to manage!

I must admit I cannot stand it looking a mess but that is not a judgement call.

I treat my LO hair very carefully and minimally - I wash it 2/3x per week depending on nursery days, how hot it is, etc. (I wash my own hair once per week for reference) and I do not wish to dry out my gorgeous girls hair.

i spray it every morning with a water spray, and I use a “wet brush” always to comfortably brush through her hair. I find combs tug and really can hurt their head - it’s quite good to give it a quick combe once it’s been washed though and brushed through first with a wet brush.

no real fancy products - just water and obviously shampoo and conditioner. I do have some cantu curling cream but I don’t find I need to use it! Just a suggestion though.

good luck!