Hygiene warning given by nursery

[Katied1331]

Looking for some advice, our DD is attending a nursery for 15 hours and today we have been called in for a meeting as she apparently has severe nappy rash that they believe needs to be seen my a GP (granted it is a little red but nothing a bit of cream won't fix) they also insist on applying yellow cream at every nappy change something that we don't do as this created a problem with our other children! She has been sent home from nursery and not allowed back until she has seen a GP!

The nursery manager has since emailed us and requested a meeting on her hygiene (hair/clothes/previous nappy rash) she has ringlet curls and doesn't allow us to comb/brush her hair so sometimes it does look a little rough! Obviously I am upset that we are being called in but is this anything I should be worried about?!

Sorry this sounds like neglect. Why do you need prompting to use nappy cream? You acknowledge she is red and therefore should have addressed it immediately. We can’t see the care afforded to your child, however her appearance must be of concern if they're bringing you in for it. Sort it out OP, you wouldn’t want your bits red and sore.

I’m not sure what problem you think metanium has caused for your other children but it really is an excellent cream for rashes so I suspect they are worried you are resisting treating the nappy rash. One of mine used to get terribly acidic poos when teething and her poo would almost burn her skin. We always had an action plan with nursery re actions to minimise the risk but also to treat if she got a rash and metanium, nappy free time, cotton wool rather than wipes and very frequent changes were all part of that. They will have seen a ton of babies with nappy rash so if they are asking you to go to the doctors, they probably think it’s worse than normal or fungal.

I agree. I’m not sure this type of soft parenting does the child any favours. In our household kids didn’t leave the house until hair was done. And I had a curly one!

Metanium yellow cream contains titanium, dimethicone and liquid paraffin. It is amazing stuff and gets rid of nappy rash after a couple of applications. I don't understand why OP won't use it. Her poor dd must be in so much discomfort.

I don't have curly hair, but there are lots of curly hair products out there that will make OP's dd's curls easier to manage.

I’ve never known metanium to cause issues before and it’s good for nappy rash which can become infected if untreated. Nurseries are used to being a bit messy and nappy rash so I do think if they’ve got concerns there’s more to it

I don't understand why OP won't use it.

She says in her OP that it caused problems for her other children.

The thing that worked best for my DD was a layer of Vaseline applied after every change.

It maybe that nursery have flagged this to a multiply agency within council - so if any other concerns about your child is raised it will fill in a bigger picture.

It's being looked at as a possible safeguarding issue and reported as such.

On its own its probably not something that will be taken further at this stage but it is a red flag that if other agencies were to report other issues it would then be taken further and looked into to assist you with the Childs needs and care

How does using metanium on one child’s bum affect other children?

Exactly! It sounds like the OP has done absolutely nothing. It’s possibly a fungal nappy rash - but to not deal with the issue at all is not only negligent it’s cruel. It’s not just nappy rash that’s an issue it’s hygiene (obviously she’s not bathing her child), her hair is unkempt and her clothing isn’t being washed.

Get some hydrocortisone, that will clean up the nappy rash and combe her hair in the bath with conditioner in. Personally I don't think it's ok not to brush her hair. She will get matting

Yeah sorry no excuses. My daughter didn't allow me to brush her hair either but I don't care. I am the parent and kids need to brush there hair and brush there teeth.

I would put hers in plaits and brush it whilst she was asleep sometimes and then plait it up in tight plaits.

Clothes should always be clean unsmelly clothes and nappy rash (if a little cream would fix it then why haven't you done it????) why are you allowing your baby to go around with nappy rash. Either you can fix it so do it or go the GP. If they have concerns then I'm sure your a concern.

Our nursery did two warnings then a referral to social services as it is neglect.

Metanium is amazing stuff. Sticks like shit to a blanket.

When you give her a bath at night, comb it well when wet. Then, in the morning, put some leave in conditioner in and comb with a wide toothed comb, use some nice clips to style it.

I would be concerned, yes. They don't do it unreasonably* (my fingers work quicker than my brain)

They work with kids so I doubt they'd have numerous meetings, concerning all the babies nappy rashes. I feel like your child raised a big flag as its severe, alongside other things and it needs to be addressed. Can you take her to the gp and ask for them to check her rash? See what he says. My sister has curly hair. Just spray it all over with a water bottle, use a wide toothed comb like a miniature (because shes little) version of an afro comb. Then scrunch it, until the curls come together again.

My DD has big, thick wavy/curly hair and when she was little we had literally five seconds with her hair before she was done with it! We used a curvy brush and that was effective for a quick brush every morning to ensure she left the house looking relatively tidy. By the end of the day was a different matter altogether!

We did keep her hair short when she was younger which she also preferred for the minimum brushing period!!

She does her own hair now using the brush linked to below. She uses co-wash and brushes when wet, then brushes every morning.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B07MZBQJHG/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Have you tried a tangle teezer on her hair? DD must be a similar age and also has ringlet curls. I use it after I wash her hair and keep on top of it daily. She doesn’t mind at all but won’t tolerate a brush.

Clean clothes should be a basic, even if they’re covered in paint/pen marks that don’t come out after a wash. DS’s nursery never batted an eyelid at stained clothes as the children were always getting dirty but they would have had something to say about clothes that arrived unwashed.

It’s hard when a nursery pulls you up on something - I remember being called in about DS’s nappy rash while he was teething and it was a shock but we were already on it with sudocrem and GP prescribed cream so no concerns were raised.

For better or worse, childcare staff are the frontline in child protection and have a legal duty to report concerns, so given that you e said they have raised multiple issues I’d definitely suggest working with them and listening to them.

If the yellow cream doesn't work try bepanthen, worked wonders for my ds.
As for brushing the hair that's no excuse sorry.. If you can't look after it it will have to be cut short.

My DD was extremely feisty when it came to brushing her curly hair too.

You've had some good advice already on this. Just wanted to add that we bought a Tangle teezer for wet hair. Shampooed and conditioned her hair whilst she was in the bath then used the wet hair tangle teezer. That seemed to really help. Then in the morning use the spray with the normal tangle teezer.

TBF on OP 2 of mine reacted to metanium.
The only cream that worked for them was Bepanthen.

And I hope you've managed to get an appointment with the GP today

You have to do the hair, however hard it is as it doesn’t take long for it to get matted and then you can’t do it at all.

Im going to go against the grain here. Nurseries and schools completely overreact about this sort of thing all the time and it becomes frustrating. Some of the referrals we get in are completely ridiculous. If it is as you say, a bit of recurrent nappy rash (normal), messy hair (normal), and being sent in clothes that are a bit scruffy (normal) we wouldn't be remotely concerned and would unlikely even get to an assessment. There are many ways to parent that are perfectly safe and acceptable. In fact the obsession with kids being pristine freshly washed clothes/body/hair daily is a modern cultural thing and not being so is in no way neglectful. Severe painful nappy rash that's recurrent and untreated we would be concerned about but I do mean severe - and something a doctor has referred into us. But it doesn't sound like that is the case - according to the parent. Ringlet curls not being brushed daily is not a worry whatsoever - many parents choose for their kids to develop natural locks which is perfectly fine. Body autonomy matters - even at a young age. I don't like all this talk on here about them being 3 so they get no say. Pinning down a child to forcibly brushing their hair/teeth isn't cool and is totally unnecessary - especially those with sensory issues and/or mad curly hair that will hurt to do so. There are many strategies to be able to keep your child clean enough (not 'pristine' because that isn't necessary at all and is obsessive) whilst maintaining their boundaries of body autonomy.

I really do wish people would stop throwing around the term 'neglect' for things that really really arent even close. Including overzealous nurseries and schools whose staff may have done a couple of safeguarding courses and think they know better than social workers.

Rant over...

PS: I'm a social worker in children's services.

If nursey have concerns then they have to flag them. How concerned you should be depends on what else is going on. How long has she had nappy rash? What have you tried? Like obviously if it's been there a few days, and you have tried something, it's not worked and not you are trying something else, that is fine, and nursery may be concerned, but that's how healing goes. If you've tried something, left it a week, it's not done any good, but you are still "waiting for it to work" while leave your child sore, then be very concerned because you are neglecting your child.

Sorry OP. Also think YABU.
Get to Primark or buy some bags of clothes from FB marketplace, give her hair a proper wash and get some timodine from the dr for the nappy rash.

Hi OP. I think you need to look at this meeting from the perspective that the nursery care about your child and they want to support you with whatever concerns they may have. Do not look at it from the perspective that they are there to judge. Attend the meeting, listen to the concerns of the staff and you can work with them to improve things for you and your child. For example, difficulties with the hair brushing, I am sure they have seen this a hundred times and will be able to give some really good advice!