Hygiene warning given by nursery

[Katied1331]

Looking for some advice, our DD is attending a nursery for 15 hours and today we have been called in for a meeting as she apparently has severe nappy rash that they believe needs to be seen my a GP (granted it is a little red but nothing a bit of cream won't fix) they also insist on applying yellow cream at every nappy change something that we don't do as this created a problem with our other children! She has been sent home from nursery and not allowed back until she has seen a GP!

The nursery manager has since emailed us and requested a meeting on her hygiene (hair/clothes/previous nappy rash) she has ringlet curls and doesn't allow us to comb/brush her hair so sometimes it does look a little rough! Obviously I am upset that we are being called in but is this anything I should be worried about?!

Sorry I have just seen clothes were mentioned - need more info to comment on that. Stained? Fine. Dirty/to small - needs addressing, obviously.

My 1st DD had a bad reaction to Sudocreme, I used it on her when she didn't even have a rash I was just an over cautious FTM and assumed I just had to and it made her skin peel. I felt soooo guilty 😔 I found Bepanthen or just plain Vaseline far better.

How do you know she isn't?

Tbh it appears OP is more concerned about being reported to social services than seeing what she could do differently. And if it does get to the stage where SS get involved, she'll be playing the victim and crying all over MN or social media about how SS "snatched" her child 🙄

Sorry OP but for a nursery to raise these concerns they are worried your child is neglected. Having worked with kids it's not normal to raise these concerns. If she is dirty it's the kind of dirty that means she rarely has a bath. If her hair is tangled it's because it's not being properly looked after and a little nappy rash is common. Nurseries are used to dealing with nappy rash but this sounds extreme. Yes you need to be worried and reading all the red flags here start caring for your child properly.

@Katied1331 did the Nursery Manager say in her email what her issue is with the clothes? I'd want to know before the meeting why she's mentioned clothing so that you've got a chance to rectify any issues before your DD starts back.

Metanium Nappy Rash Ointment is yellow.

I think your child is in danger of being that child that nobody wants to sit next to in class because they smell. I don't think you want that for them.

This. Nappy rash might be explainable or excusable, matted unbrushed hair might be explainable or excusable, but BOTH those things coupled with a concern over your DD's clothes not being clean is worrying and you need to sort it out before you end up with a SS referral.

All the children at my DD’s nursery, her included, look a little “scruffy” as they’re all wearing old mismatched clothes etc for the activities they do so i’m guessing the nursery must have legitimate concerns to have mentioned this.

Im a social worker and I should be more articulate and patient with you and people like you on here making absolutely outrageous and false comments based on absolutely no actual knowledge whatsover, and a dangerous level of judgement. But Ive had a terrible day dealing with ACTUAL abuse cases - so Im on my last nerve so Im going to blunt. You are a Grade A arsehole.

SS WON'T get involved. SS don't 'snatch' children that have nappy rash and are scruffy ffs, and the nurseries can and do make completely ridiculous unnecessary safeguarding referrals all the time that barely warrant a phonecall from a social worker. I have seen many nursery owners and schools become absolute bullies with parents, threatening them with SS when the reality is we would never be interested and you have absolutely every right to parent how you want as long as there isn't abuse (and this is NOT even close to abusive).

OP - if you are still around, I would refuse to jump through the nurseries hoops. They cannot force you to do anything. She is your child and if YOU think she needs a GP visit thats up to you. And if YOU think that certain creams don't agree with her then thats up to you. If nursery threaten you with a referral to social services then smile sweetly and say 'yes please go ahead', because I can assure you that if its as you say - a scruffy kid with unruly hair and regular nappy rash we won't act on it at all. So you have absolutely nothing to worry about.

Nappy rash - even recurrent and red raw - is normal in some tots no matter what you do. If it gets infected (pussy, weepy) then a GP trip for antibiotics may be necessary. That is not the nurseries call that is yours. Unruly hair - not a concern whatsoever. And children can be bathed once a week, and do not need clean clothes every day at all as some are saying on here. As long as she doesn't smell you are fine.

People on here don't like hearing this there are a lot of 'shoulds' - but for society I feel it is really important that in social services eyes that we accept many different ways of parenting because there are so many and what works for some families doesn't for others. The judgement on here is palpable and sad. And the misinformation is scary.

Off to have a huge glass of wine...rant over.

In case OP comes around...
My children have sensitive skin, me and DH have it too.
Only thing really helping us was washing baby bum with a lot of water and some baby soap after every poo, and doing just water rinse before we put on night nappy.
Mines were ok with bepanthen but nothing would help if we did not wash.
Maybe yours is the same.
Don't stress too much about nursery, find out what works for your child and tell them to follow same routine.
I had to spell out to nursery manager that my children cannot stay in wet and shitty nappy for ours on end as they "lack staff" and "have schedule".

How dirty are her clothes? I know my nephew goes to nursery with clothes that have previous nursery marks on them (scuffs on the knees, the occasional splodge of paint) because nursery have requested no “good” clothes be worn as they get covered in all sorts. But the clothes are still washed and pressed and smell clean.

My DDs have sensitive skin but never had nappy rash for more than a few hours (which they got at nursery as they were lax with nappy changes). Whenever I saw any redness we used sudocrem and it cleared up by the next change. We only ever used 'sensitive' tissue wipes rather than perfumed. Nappy was changed whenever they had a wee and I would check hourly. Hated the thought of them sat in a wet nappy. I'm lazy, and grew up in a household where one bath a week was adequate but the kids were always clean because I'm aware that I'm somewhat blind to grot. I have to have the same routines myself because unless I do it when I don't think I need to then suddenly my skin is oily out of nowhere or my hair is greasy when it was clean 5 mins ago. I hope that makes sense. I would bath your DD every night if you dont already, cut their hair shorter if it's hard to brush (that's the rules in our house - hair not being brushed it gets cut shorter, that works for older kids too). Clothes I would just put clean ones on even if you dont think they're dirty. Do what they say even if you disagree with it because if you want your daughter to attend there then you're cleaning her to their standards not your own :)

Those prices were from last night. The table items are what I'm talking about, unless it has disney characters on or similar, but even then its 3.50 for jumper or joggers.

It does get slightly more expensive as the ages go up from 3-4 but still not hugely expensive if you look carefully at prices.

In fact looking through last nights receipt I can see I was actually only charged £1 for each of my littlest ones T shirts.

I think you misunderstood my post. I wasn't saying social workers "snatch" children. I was saying that people like the OP like to insinuate this.

I also think it's highly unprofessional for someone of your position to be on the Internet calling people "arseholes" especially when YOU were the one who misread my post.

So neglect is acceptable as long as there is no physical abuse? I agree that professionals should be supportive to help parents improve while still parenting in a way that works for them but it’s a bit depressing to hear a social service professional dismissing the part identifying neglect can play in preventing more serious abuse before it’s too last.

I can’t see how PP misread your post at all.

Think you may have misread the OPs post when you lumped her in with the imaginary group of people you described however as a PP pointed out.

Also, just because this individual is a social worker doesn’t mean she has to live and breathe her job 24/7 - she can have her own thoughts in her brain and think people are arseholes. Anyway, have a night off, like her 😃

Maybe re read the OP and see where she says "do I need to worry about this?" referring to the nursery wanting to have a meeting with her. Or where she makes excuses for not brushing or combing her child's hair "it's too curly she won't let me" blah blah blah. It's negligent parents like this who cry about being "targeted" by the authorities, instead of looking at changes they could make themselves. And no, the social worker did not have a "right" to call me an "arsehole". Or accuse me of calling her a "child snatcher" when I clearly did NOT. Maybe if she has to down wine at the end of each working day in order to cope then she really ought to change her career.

Think the wine was needed after reading the thread tbf. it is bonkers.

@Serrina well you are acting like an arsehole tbf, so at least she’s an honest social worker.

👏👏