Hygiene warning given by nursery

[Katied1331]

Looking for some advice, our DD is attending a nursery for 15 hours and today we have been called in for a meeting as she apparently has severe nappy rash that they believe needs to be seen my a GP (granted it is a little red but nothing a bit of cream won't fix) they also insist on applying yellow cream at every nappy change something that we don't do as this created a problem with our other children! She has been sent home from nursery and not allowed back until she has seen a GP!

The nursery manager has since emailed us and requested a meeting on her hygiene (hair/clothes/previous nappy rash) she has ringlet curls and doesn't allow us to comb/brush her hair so sometimes it does look a little rough! Obviously I am upset that we are being called in but is this anything I should be worried about?!

By the way, we worked out what was going wrong with my friends kid’s nappy rash, too much yellow cream. It was soaking into the nappy. It’s only a tiny bit you need

Sorry OP but this sounds not good. Your child young enough to be in nappies has such a severe rash professionals think she needs an urgent gp visit (more than ‘a little sore’ then?) and she isn’t in clean clothes and you don’t brush her hair? My daughter has curly ringlets and hates a brush, but you have to find a way. This is parenting. Many kids would prefer to run around in dirt smeared clothes with food all round their face and messy hair. Our jobs is to not let them!

There's a few different issues here!

With the nappy rash, use cotton wool and water to clean instead of wipes, let her have lots of nappy free time and find a cream that works. If it doesn't clear up fairly quick then yes, she does need to go to a GP, it could be fungal and they will prescribe you Daktarin.

My son has curly hair. Yes it's annoying, but if you can't manage it you need to cut it short really! We did when he was younger to avoid any stresses, it's easier to manage if you're struggling generally. If you want to maintain, we use a wide comb (I don't personally use a brush as I find it takes the ringlets out) then loads of conditioner at bath time and quick spritz with detangling spray and comb out each morning.

One of my daughters is a horror for not wanting to brush hair/teeth/bathe, unfortunately sometimes you do have to mentally go "I'm not their best friend, I'm their parent" and just stand over them (gently!!) until it's done. I still have to stay in the bathroom and use a timer to make sure she brushes her teeth properly (she's 10!) but that's just part of my job as her parent.

You don't really say much about the clothes but if she's going in in dirty or unsuitable clothes every day that will be a red flag. I would say go to this meeting, the nursery might be able to find ways to support you if you're struggling (if you can't afford many clothes or to have the washing machine on often, for instance, they might be able to direct you to resources for financial support). They can also help you more generally if you're feeling overwhelmed by life and if they are a good nursery they won't be coming into the conversation from a place of judgement, but to try and help make sure your daughter is cared for to the best of everyone's ability.

I guess they are following up on concerns as they should. If everything is fine then it’s ok but if they didn’t and there was an issue they would get in trouble.

Telling her she can't bring her until she's seen a GP though is totally inappropriate. If they have real concerns they should immediately flag it up to the health visitor and social services. Now the child is left with no outside observations. It's been handled terribly tbh.

Isolated nappy rash you wouldn’t think twice unless it’s been going on for a while and you’ve been ignoring it. Unkempt hair, fair enough, toddlers are notoriously difficult to allow hair brushing although you really need to try it it will end up matted and you’ll just have to cut it.
There is absolutely no excuse for turning up to nursery in dirty clothes which I presume is what is happening if the nursery want to discuss it with you. She might come home dirty after a day at nursery but she really should be clean when dropped off.

As a childcarer I worked for a family who didn't believe in medicines or vaccines (I didn't last long) and it made me so sad as they'd refuse to use any form of nappy cream and she always suffered with nappy rash. I honestly think it's just neglectful. They are right to insist you get it checked.

@Happilyobtuse lol at washing a child a child’s hair everyday or every other day. They don’t need that. Heck i don’t wash my hair every day either.

Mine loves her hair long. It doesn't mean it runs wild. We tie it or braid it and I put the effort into taking care of it. Tbh it amazes me that a parent would rather remove a massive part of a child's identity because they're too lazy to run a brush through some hair every day or 2 or put a plait in it. If the child genuinely prefers it then fair enough but I know my 6 year old (who isn't massively image-conscious) would be mortified if I chopped all her hair off

This. You’re the parent!!

I would worry, yes. Nursery are far too busy to be calling parents in over nothing. They deal with so many kids every day, they must have real concern over your daughter to be doing this.

I would be worried, take it seriously, and act. If you're blase about it they will be even more concerned and may take it further.

The thread is about a child still in nappies. They don’t care about their hair. Your 6 year old does well fair enough, but there’s a lot of difference there.

Toddlers do not care if they have lovely long hair or not, it’s all for adults.

Mine would sulk at age 2 if I didn't do her hair how she liked it and would only wear dresses from age 2 to 4. They very much are old enough to care how they look at that age. She'll still quite happily pick her nose in front of anyone though 🤣

The nursery is giving OP a chance to sort things out before they call social services, so it would be a good idea to communicate with them.

What update ? I can’t see any

That really isn’t normal in my experience of 2 girls. The dresses was probably because they were more comfortable.

Me neither. See all button says only op post.
Unless they NC later on in thread.

@Katied1331

A few words of advice:
Send a tube or pot of your usual nappy cream to the nursery with the little one. Ask them to use it when they change her.

Learn about the curls.
I had a few DDs with ringlets and this is what I did - I used baby shampoo and lots of conditioner in their baths/ showers. I did no daily brushing of dry hair, just ran a wide toothed comb through hair with conditioner in it before rinsing it out in the bath or shower.

I used spray-on leave-in conditioner/ detangler in the morning and again, the wide toothed comb/ rake. There was often a frizzy patch at the back of their heads from sleeping, and on the mornings when a DD was simply refusing to cooperate with hair, I simply wet the hair with warm water or leave-in conditioner and sent them off with damp hair.

You need to communicate with the nursery about the hair. They should be made aware that curls are much harder to brush or comb than straight hair, and some children have very tender scalps or sensory issues that make tackling it very difficult on a daily basis. As long as the hair and scalp are clean, an unruly, unbrushed look is fine. Don't try getting a comb or brush through dry curly hair.

Mine were bathed 2-3 times a week, and I used leave-in conditioner on their hair most mornings. As the hair grew, I managed to plait it for overnight neatness.

Wrt the nappy rash, make sure your baby doesn't have a fungal infection there. This happened to one of my DCs, and it took prescription ointment to clear it.

If there's a persistent nappy rash that isn't clearing up, try different nappies, or try eliminating dairy, corn, orange juice, berries, or eggs from their diet.

"I'm not meaning this in a ohh look at me aren't I better than you kind of way" im not here to mum shame, because I genuinely think you might just be struggling with overwhelm at the moment, but my daughter is severely autistic, everything is a battle and she isn't a big fan of having her hair done, but she goes to nursery with beautiful hair everyday because it's important! I put peppa pig on my phone for her for 5 minutes, sit her on a stool and get it done. Even just a bit of water spray and brush it through, maybe a pony tail, anything is better than not brushing it at all, not to mention if it gets matted it will be incredibly painful to rectify

I hope the OP will ignore the advice about forced brushing of hair.

It is neither necessary nor advisable. There are easy and painless work-arounds.

Yeah... nope.

but this child is in nursery, wearing nappies so obvs much youngerf than six!

At 2 mine wanted princess hair. Long hair she saw on a friend's princess shirt. Some do want long hair.

I can’t imagine nursery would have taken this course of action were the issues trivial.

I imagine they are seriously concerned about your daughter’s welfare.

I’m wondering if they believe her to have a fungal/bacterial condition which may be infectious to others and may therefore explain their decision to withdraw care until you take to the GP because concern about your daughters safety at home wouldn’t I think make them withdraw care.

RE your daughter’s hair, brushing curly hair is not recommended, have you tried conditioning her hair at bathtime and running a wide toothed comb through it before rinsing? It shouldn’t be uncomfortable that way. For all those saying don’t wash hair every day unfortunately with toddlers sometimes this is necessary basic hygiene because of the volume of yoghurt, mud, snot and whatever else they rub in it and how tangled it gets sleeping etc!

RE nappy rash I can count on one hand and have some fingers spare the number of times my 19 month old has had nappy rash. Unless there is an allergy, infection or you/nursery are leaving her in soiled nappies for a long time I can’t think why a nappy rash would be as severe as described! I don’t use cream and haven’t had a problem. When I have used cream it has cleared up instantly and I used Bepanthen which in my opinion is much easier to apply and sinks in better than Metanium.

RE clothes, I assume you are washing them? Could it be that you are folding and putting away before they are fully dry so they might smell a little musty? Or are they stained and therefore nursery are assuming they are dirty but you are just sending her into nursery in older stained clothes that you don’t mind her ruining further? I don’t always send mine to nursery in spotless clothing because some stains just won’t shift but it is always washed and ironed so always looks presentable. Are you ironing her outfits?

No it really isn't. I have four curly haired young adult daughters whose behaviour, respectfulness, choices in life, and accomplishments are a testament to how wrong you are here.

It's the start of teaching bodily autonomy, in a situation where the parent's aim can easily be accomplished by other means. You should not force a child to allow hair brushing, or brush the hair through tears amd shrieks when there are other ways to make it neat.