Do toddlers really *need* nursery?

[Pondering89]

I have recently returned to work part time and I consider myself lucky that grandparents have offered to babysit, negating my need for private childcare.

To my surprise, when I’ve explained this to colleagues, I’ve been met with confused faces and talk about how kids need nursery, then I am recanted with tales about how their own DC have come on leaps and bounds at nursery.

Prior to these conversations, I haven’t had a doubt in my mind that my DDs needs are being met. She loves the time with her grandparents and I take her to a couple of toddler groups that give her opportunities to socialise. So, do I really to be shelling out £400 a month in nursery fees?!

At age 1 a loving caregiver is all she needs, toddler groups are a bonus. But I agree with pp a year or two in preschool will really benefit it her later on.

They don't need it. My sons pediatrician said that they don't benefit from it until the age of 3. I've had friends who didn't send their kids to nursery but she was a SAHM and really committed to spending all her time doing activities with her kids to the point that her kids were way more advanced when they started pre school. The downside was that it took them a long time to settle into school because they werent used to being away from their mum.
I put my son in nursery part time from 10 months and I regret it. He caught every bug going over the first 3 months and consequently became a very fussy eater, and cried every day at drop off for over a year. But I'd say he's unusual, he just loves being at home. All the other kids seemed really happy and confident

I don't think toddlers need to go to a nursery before 3.
They need some exposure to other children,with a parent/carer looking on.
So when they go to nursery at 3/3.5 they have some understanding of social relationships. Simple things. Sharing. Playing alongside people of their own age.
I also think that watching how the adult looking after them behaves is important.

Need? No, they don't. But I think it's helpful for them and their future teachers if DC are used to being in a group setting, used to sitting on the rug for story time, used to being one of X number of DC so that they're used to waiting their turn, rather than having their needs/demands met immediately. I was a SAHM and sent both my DC to nursery for a couple of days a week so that the transition to school would be a smooth one.

My aunt is Ed psych and my brother is paediatric clinical psych ; both begged me to keep DC out of nursery until at least 2 years. Marginal benefits 2-3 years and then great benefits of a good nursery post 3.

Gosh I’d taken up the grandparents offer up in a heartbeat! Sadly no such luck here 😂 nursery it is! He hasn’t started yet but will be going full-time from 2.5 yrs. I think it becomes important closer to 3, mainly for the social interactions but also to get used to ‘long’ days and being away from his bubble at home with mum and dad.

@Wishlistcollectable thats interesting! What’s the rationale?

We sent my first DS to full-time crèche from 8 months (I had to go back to uni to finish my degree) and he’s definitely not as attached to me and zero affection. The complete opposite to his brother who is 2 and has never had a day in childcare. Not sure if it’s to do with the nursery thing or if it’s just their personality though!

I do think kids need a village and if you don't have a village then nursery can be the next best thing. The mums I know who didn't feel the need to use nursery were the ones that could go to groups and spend time with friends with similar aged kids.

I agree. We don't have a village, we have friends with children but they all seem to have their own group of parents friends so we don't get to engage with them with their children. We had DD in 2021 when NCT groups weren't running. I do take her youngest to playgroup but the socialising element isn't the same compared to her nursery as everyone is there with friends so the kids just play with the kids they know. Mine has absolutely thrived socially since nursery.

No, toddlers don't need nursery at all. Preschoolers do though, unless they have a lot of other regular stimulation and socialisation. I reckon part time nursery from 3.5, maybe 3 half days initially rising to 3 full days by 4.5 is ideal.

Social oddity haha.
Not if your childcare arrangement suits you all.
Odd because they didn't have the opportunity?
I would of asked why.

With both of mine the time when it felt right to start nursery was when their peers started disappearing either because their mum's were going back to work or because they themselves were starting nursery or preschool. Once they don't nap the days can feel very long when it's just you to entertain them.

@Wishlistcollectable how bloody rude and interfering of your relatives to beg you not to use a nursery for your child. (They certainly sound like the sort of relatives I wouldn't want involved with my kids at all!)

I think it's fairly self evident, OP, that toddlers don't need nursery. My own thrived at nursery part time (with the added bonus it enabled me to work, and without working I wouldn't have been able to afford their wonderful nursery- so win win for us!) So it was a great addition to time spent at home. But of course it's not something a toddler has to have.

I have 5, my eldest two went to nursery as I worked full time. The third I was a stay at home mum and I enjoy it as I was in a financial position to do so. The fourth born in Covid, so no social interaction for long and it really affected her.

She's been attending preschool for two school terms now and will start school in September. It's been mostly beneficial for her.

But I taught all my children to enjoy learning. And I think school helps children to understand discipline outside of home and to be able to focus. Each to their own. There is no standard of parenting that's correct. Most importantly, it's a parent's responsibility only to know your child's best interests. 😌

IMO toddlers need socialisation with others their age, not just being around adults all the time.

How people choose to give them that socialisation is up them.

If you go to toddler groups then no, I don't think they need to go to nursery yet for that aspect.

As others said though, I think it's good to get them used to what being at school is like and to send them maybe a few mornings in the year or so before they start preschool.

Personally toddler groups are my idea of hell on earth though so I sent DS to nursery from 12 months old 😂

No i don't think they need nursery, mine went 2 full days a week and I think it was good for them on the whole but not necessary. As long as grandparents are taking them to toddler groups etc sounds great. I think they do benefit from doing the 2.5h a day preschool when a bit older though and it's free, helps to prepare them for school

They enjoy socialising at 3yr and above. I think the 15hr universal for preschoolers is just about right for the children if you take childcare needs out of the picture. So that is about 3hrs a day or 3 days 9-3.

While toddlers younger than this can benefit from being at nursery they often find it harder than preschoolers to leave parents and interact with peers. If childcare isn’t needed waiting until preschool is best.

I guess if your mum has very bad health? Otherwise I honestly can’t imagine someone that age being described as ‘elderly’! My mum is in her 70s, worked FT until mid 60s, still does daily yoga, swimming, Pilates, strength training, classes through the University of the 3rd age, walks for miles every day, and would not be considered ‘elderly’! She is happy to do active things with my DD, and was when DD was a toddler too, after work and at weekends.

You must realise that your mum is unusual though?

Mine is more like @MariaVT65 's - she isn't in bad health, she has just decided she is elderly and can't do anything now. She wouldn't take my kids out on her own, she would be too nervous to.

Depends what kind of a parent you are (from 18m on not younger!!1). If they are just plonked on a screen with you all day then yes, stimulation better at nursery. If you get them involved with little jobs at home, pop out, talk to them, no I think home is better. Mine is 3 and a half and is loving her two mornings a week so much we are going to make it 2 full days.

Honestly I hadn’t thought mum was unusual at all, most her friends and most of my friends’ parents are the same. The couple of friends of hers who aren’t like that are in the minority. One of close friends has just given up work at 85 for instance!

It varies hugely depending where you live (as does average age of mothers, obviously). In the city where my DD was born, average maternal age for a first baby was 35, which is about 5 years older than average across the UK. We then moved somewhere where the average age for a first baby is much younger (below the average). You really do notice the difference.

I don't know many 40 somethings who are as active as your mum!

Great for her health

I can only speak for my own child, she has LOVED nursery. She’s naturally outgoing and very mischievous, and I think nursery has ‘socialised’ her, helping her mould her strengths in a way that means she can make friends easily and play with others rather than being too forceful or overpowering.

Her same age cousin didn’t go until free hours kicked in and boy it shows. He just seems emotionally and socially a good year behind DD, and still acts and is treated like a baby. A bit insecure and afraid of the ‘next step’, he’s really resisted his (late) toilet training and so on. Seeing others moving out of nappies earlier might have helped.

I think introducing them to it before they go straight to primary is massively beneficial to them. It's a big leap to go from grandparents to 5 days a week full time with nothing in between.
I would make sure you utilise the free hours , you don't have to do paid extra but use the free hours at least. X

No. Small children do not need nursery, in any way shape or form, unless they would be subjected to neglect from parents otherwise.

Parents need nursery in some circumstances, to be able to work.

Your colleagues are trying to make themselves feel better imo.