Do toddlers really *need* nursery?

[Pondering89]

I have recently returned to work part time and I consider myself lucky that grandparents have offered to babysit, negating my need for private childcare.

To my surprise, when I’ve explained this to colleagues, I’ve been met with confused faces and talk about how kids need nursery, then I am recanted with tales about how their own DC have come on leaps and bounds at nursery.

Prior to these conversations, I haven’t had a doubt in my mind that my DDs needs are being met. She loves the time with her grandparents and I take her to a couple of toddler groups that give her opportunities to socialise. So, do I really to be shelling out £400 a month in nursery fees?!

I have a 2.5 year old who has been at nursery 2 days per week for a year now. Does she need it? I don’t think so. Does she love it? Absolutely! She skips through the door every morning, has made little friends that she talks about constantly and loves telling me about her day, singing me new songs and showing me what’s she’s learned. We couldn’t afford for me to reduce my hours anymore and I fretted massively about sending her and whether she would be better off with me but honestly I see the happy, confident little girl she’s become and I’m glad she goes! I’m a bit of an introvert so I definitely don’t think she would get the socialisation she does if it was me and her. But obviously depends on the child and your circumstances, and I certainly wouldn’t turn my nose up at an extra £400 a month!

No, they don't. Nurseries are there as a substitute for parents - they were there to care for children while parents worked.

We're being brainwashed into thinking that nurseries provide better care than a home environment. They don't, assuming that you are providing your child with a loving, caring, stimulating environment. 15 hours from 3 years old is plenty.

No, babies and young toddlers don't need it. From around age 3 it can be beneficial for children to be around others of a similar age, but it's not essential by any stretch. Every family is different and you need to do what suits you best.

Every time you leave your front door your baby is getting social interaction. It doesn't have to be in a nursery.

I don't think they need it in that it will stop them reaching expected milestones or whatever. But my son gets so much out of it both in terms of his development and just pure fun. He's advanced in several areas and I'd credit a lot of that to nursery. I'd be gutted if we had to take him out of nursery, as I love that he has that outlet to socialise with so many other children and learn who he is and how to interacts with people when I'm not around.

I’m a SAHM three days of the week and even though we do classes and toddler groups and tons of learning through play activities at home, I don’t think it compares to nursery even though I’m a trained teacher. The social side is just so beneficial.

We have a combination of grandparents, parents and nursery. IMO they really benefit from the social interaction with other children from about 18m-2 age. I don’t think there is really a benefit before, but most people return to work before that and it’s unsettling to move little ones to different carers etc.

If grandparents are doing a lot of socialising with other children/going to toddler groups etc then great, but lots aren’t and I think an only/first child in this situation would find preschool tricky. It’s a bit different to a SAHP/nanny who usually have a social network of similar aged children to play with. Many of us saw the effects of limited peer socialising on our lockdown toddlers and I wouldn’t choose it.

It seems like the only way for kids to have that kind of social and developmentally simulating interaction now.

When my kids were little (very early '90s) by three years old almost all kids went to playgroup (admin run by volunteers but employing qualified early years professionals) for two or three half days a week. Then at four it was half days at 'nursery' which was attached to a school. Playgroup cost a pittance (though parents had to help on a rota for a morning every four or five weeks) and nursery was free.

Now all the playgroups (and every village/area had one) seem to have gone, so kids who aren't at day nurseries are missing out.

No, they don't.

It's a little untruth that people who need to use nursery tell themselves to make themselves feel less guilty. I'd just nod and smile. They need to believe it.

Read any decent book on child psychology, children under 2 will 100% be better off with a single primary caregiver. Children do not "socialise" when they are that young, they learn everything about the world through their primary caregiver. Between 2-3 I believe things become a bit less clear cut and social interaction may start to actually have benefits, and obviously the closer to the start of school, the more likely the child will benefit from something like this. But don't let guilty parents gaslight you into thinking you are somehow letting down your 1 year old child - being with a primary care giver is the best thing for them right now.

I think a couple of mornings a week from two and a half, 4 mornings at about 3 and a half and maybe 5 before they start school is about right for development.

Saying that.. a lot of them enjoy it from about 18 months, it’s just parallel play but they seem to find being around other kids exciting. Which is what you’d expect I guess.

If you look at the research, it shows benefits from age 3+. As you’re a long way off that, I definitely wouldn’t be forking out before that if you don’t need the childcare.

No rules to say a 1 year old does or doesn't need nursery. If your childcare works then that's the main thing.

Neither of mine went and they did foundation stage of school very haphazardly, attended a few mornings a week. Then full time 8.40-4 from year 1. No issues whatsoever and both very happy confident children.
I did a lot with them thou and they were very confident, reading well and very well socialised

None of my 3 went to nursery. They wouldn't have got anything I couldn't give them and, to be honest, I just didn't want to miss a minute with them.

I work in a preschool, at 1 I would say 100% better with grandparents. I think nursery's are better for age 2 upwards and think every child should go age 3 upwards at least for a couple of mornings to get them used to socialising, navigating friendships, school type routines and being independent.

at one years of age the most important thing is that they have a good relationship with a responsive caregiver. From about 3 they will tend to enjoy group care and you might start to consider nursery for part of the time.

At 1, no I don’t think they need it. I do think by 2 it’s beneficial, I kind of agree with your colleagues as my dd thrives at nursery which she’s gone to since she was 1 and has learnt so much, is very confident and used to a reception-like setting and day length which she wouldn’t have got without nursery. Some of that you could get by teaching phonics etc to DC yourself, and making sure you organise group play dates, but not everything. Could you use the funded hours and just do a couple of sessions a week and maybe build it up as she gets closer to school age?

Not necessary till 3. After 3 their play explodes and they learnt to play together and at that point some preschool session are beneficial for sure to learn about friendships and games, sharing etc x

They dont.NEED it no.
Both of mine have done from 1 year, as we have no family support.

They have both developed massively from that. Biggest thing is probably socially, my eldest especially has had a group of 6 friends from around age 2, they are now 4 and all going up to school in sept together. We have also become friends with the parents and they spend time together outside of nursery. It's been great for my little one's confidence as she was a Covid baby and initially so shy!

But I know all sorts of dynamics among my friends, some who are stay at home parents, some whose kids are with family and others who do a mix. Ultimately as long as little one is taken care of and gets lots of stimulation / learning I don't think it matters how that happens!

I wouldn't worry too much about the thoughts of others x

No.

My mum's almost 80 and bakes, goes on long walks,does crafting , runs around the park and does beach trips with my kids.

Sorry was reffing the poster who assumed the grandma does nothing with the kid and pointing out that older people can be very active!

I work in a nursery. Do not put her in one. Her self esteem will be much healthier if she is with a doting family. Maybe consider a nice preschool when she gets nearer to school age just to socialise her and prepare her but if the family are good with her then they’re by far the best option after yourself.

Not putting your children into nursery is high on the list of triggering things for other parents. Your child going or not going to nursery really doesn’t concern them. Aside from abuse no one really cares what you do with your children . It’s usually just projection and you have to learn to ignore it.

Nope definitely no benefit. They're not harmful if necessary but they'll develop lots of real world interaction with grandparents and get out and about. Little errands, baking, going to the park all real life healthy sensory experiences etc.

Reassess at 4 maybe.