Do toddlers really *need* nursery?

[Pondering89]

I have recently returned to work part time and I consider myself lucky that grandparents have offered to babysit, negating my need for private childcare.

To my surprise, when I’ve explained this to colleagues, I’ve been met with confused faces and talk about how kids need nursery, then I am recanted with tales about how their own DC have come on leaps and bounds at nursery.

Prior to these conversations, I haven’t had a doubt in my mind that my DDs needs are being met. She loves the time with her grandparents and I take her to a couple of toddler groups that give her opportunities to socialise. So, do I really to be shelling out £400 a month in nursery fees?!

And yes I think it makes others feel they have to justify their choices so just don't dwell on it with those that have to use nursery!

There's some research that nursery is beneficial for children 3+.

criticalscience.medium.com/on-the-science-of-daycare-4d1ab4c2efb4

Not sure how extensive the study was, though.

I didn't go as a child. It's probably mainly my personality but I did suffer from separation anxiety. My mum tried to get me to go to playgroup, but I just wouldn't settle. Not sure how old. I've struggled with social anxiety my whole life too.

Up until now, family have had DS on the 3 days I work. Now with the help of the new government funding, we are going to try nursery 2 mornings a week. I'm hoping it'll help him be less like i was/am! He'll be 2 years 3 months when this starts. I don't think it's crucial, but I think it has the potential to benefit children before they are school age.

No, I think 'children need nursery' is a line that people come out with to reassure parents (and there's nothing wrong with that IMO). Nursery is probably good for most children - but so is a nice interactive time with different adults, time with other children, some kind of interest in learning ... which is probably what you're already doing.

My DD went to nursery and I'm absolutely convinced it was wonderful for her - she had a particularly excellent nursery worker at a critical age; she's an only child and the socialisation was good; she had no extended family near enough to visit often, etc. For her, nursery probably was 'needed'. I don't think I could really have fulfilled all of those social needs on my own, even if I hadn't been working some of the time. By contrast, I know people who've never left the area where they grew up, and who have a mother and a MIL living locally, as well as siblings/friends/cousins. If you have a wide support network, you probably don't need to send a child to nursery!

Basically, if your child is happy and gets to see different people and experience different things, you're doing fine.

No they don’t - it’s a convenient message spun by people with a vested interest in both parents going back to work. Some toddler groups are great for the social piece. There is plenty of time for ‘school’ - you only get one go at the very little years

No of course not. My 2 and a half year old is home with me and thriving. Being in nursery would adversely affect her imo.

You will probably notice that they start to crave contact with other toddlers as some point so it's good to facilitate that from around age 2 ish (depending on the kid). And as other PP said as they get older you may want to gradually get them used to being away from you ahead of school enrolment.

I personally think they're insecure or jealous if you're getting criticised. I think from 2ish years it can be beneficial for them to gain some independence and have new ideas separate from their parents (mine does many more interesting things there, mainly as I'm lazy). But as long as they're socialising with other children and both mentally and physically stimulated then I don't see why people would think it was necessary. In fact research shows that for the first 1000 days, children should be with one primary caregiver, and I think nursery for under 2's is a terrible idea, particularly those who might only see their parents for 1 or 2 hours a day. There's no chance your baby is getting adequate care when their carer is also looking after multiple children. Appreciate that some working parents have no choice.

Of course it’s beneficial, they can’t go from being looked after by one person with no/little group socialisation or group learning to full time school with 30 other kids. Pre-school is so important to get them used to this. No need for nursery at 1 though if it’s not needed.

No, absolutely not. Especially not so young. I think the year before school a couple mornings of preschool is good to prepare.

It’s probably quite unusual for someone with a nursery age child to have an elderly mother though, most likely the grandparents will be in their 60s (though that will change with so many having children later). Unless there are health issues, someone in their 60s/70s will be able to take the child to playgroups, baby / toddler classes, the park, be active with them round the house etc. It must be difficult for your colleague’s elderly mother to look after a young child, but if a woman has her first child in her late 30s / early 40s (as I did), and then that child does the same, then there will be increasing numbers of people aged 80+ with young grandchildren.

Nursery is childcare for working parents who need it. Children don’t need it, and it’s a very expensive thing to pay for if you don’t need to. I’m a SAHM and my son won’t be going to nursery. I plan for him to do half days in a school based nursery from age 3, but that’s only because it’s free and I think it would be beneficial for him to get ready for school. We certainly won’t be wasting money paying for him to go to nursery earlier than that when we don’t need to.

Might also depend on the child. I’d say not at 1 but my DS definitely needed more stimulation at 2.

My DS actually went to a childminder setting from 1. The second childminder we used did take him to toddler groups most mornings in term time, but had the tv on most of the day. We decided to put him in nursery at 2 abd a half and he thrived, especially with speech.

He is now in the preschool room and they are doing phonics lessions, have bilingual sing, and they are learning pencil grip etc.

It can also be beneficial just for sitting down at tables with other kids, doing register etc, basically anything that makes the transition to school easier.

Also depends on the grandparent tbh. My DS absolutely loves seeing his grandparents but does get bored after 3 days. They also feed him junk and are cautious about taking him out. Whereas my friend’s mum would take her son out swimming etc.

I am also fully prepared to admit that nursery do a lot of activities with him that I wouldn’t have thought of, so i’m pleased he gets exposed to that variety.

This massively depends on the grandparent. Our parents are in their 60s and are incredibly nervous about taking my son out. He is 3 and they have taken him to the park, the supermarket and a farm. And none by themselves. My mum is also only 65 but counts herself as ‘elderly’ and expects to be offered seats on buses etc because she says that’s what elderly was when she was little. No way would she take him to a toddler group.

To be honest I don't think children need nursery until the are pre-school age. Having said that, as a full time working mum both of my children went to nursery from 12 months as I didn't have any family help. If I was at home I would not have sent them that early. There are benefits to them having family around and also being able to access nursery. Social interaction with others before they start school is important and I felt this worked for both of mine. However, each to their own. Best of luck with what you are doing.

The reason for the 15 funded hours is because it benefits the children. So if you're eligible for 15 hours then I'd take them. If not then no wait until you're eligible or it's preschool age.

Though it probably depends what they are doing - are they being given things to actively learn with. How is their speech coming on? Are they just being sat in front of a TV all day etc

They need a lot of the things that nursery provides: A stable routine, learning opportunities, socialising with other children, time to play outdoors, positive reinforcement, attention from adults, etc.

They don't need nursery if they're getting all of this elsewhere.

It's also an educational setting. They don't just play games all day

@Hungrycaterpillarsmummy "My colleague puts her son to her mum's 4 days a week. I feel sorry for the wee boy. Spending day after day with an elderly, no socialising with kids his age or playing fun stuff through the day."
Classic Mumsnet ageism strikes again....

I think it's more that reception teachers aren't used to dealing with children that have never been to nursery or preschool anymore. Unless they adapt to school very quickly it puts them at a disadvantage.

Research suggests the impact of nursery before 3 is fairly neutral. If grandparents offer good quality care, then that would be preferable to me.

I sent mine to a school nursery at 3.5 years (the Sept before school) and they did 15 hours. That was right for them, and we didn't need the childcare earlier. They also made lots of progress at home.

Under 2 or 3 they benefit from two or three primary caregivers they can build an attachment to.

Above that they benefit from socialisation with others but playgroups, toddler groups and preschools can provide that.

As your child is 1 sounds like you are fine.

There’s no need for children that young to be in education. Most countries don’t put children in education properly until 6 or 7 and studies have shown there’s no benefits to starting earlier. I’m not against nurseries at all. They’re necessary for working parents who need them, just not for the children themselves. They could just as easily get everything they need at home and from going to baby/toddler classes.

Nursery no Aslong as GP are taking them to plenty music / crafts/ playgroups
Pre school imo v important

DS1 started at 11 months and DS2 will be 9mo. I do think DS1 has flourished but I don’t think he needs it. I think there was a study that children from deprived backgrounds who don’t go to nursery are 11 months behind their peers by the time they reach school age. So I think it can be leveller. I can’t find the study but it was referenced in a parliamentary debate on Tuesday.