Do toddlers really *need* nursery?

[Pondering89]

I have recently returned to work part time and I consider myself lucky that grandparents have offered to babysit, negating my need for private childcare.

To my surprise, when I’ve explained this to colleagues, I’ve been met with confused faces and talk about how kids need nursery, then I am recanted with tales about how their own DC have come on leaps and bounds at nursery.

Prior to these conversations, I haven’t had a doubt in my mind that my DDs needs are being met. She loves the time with her grandparents and I take her to a couple of toddler groups that give her opportunities to socialise. So, do I really to be shelling out £400 a month in nursery fees?!

Depends on the grandparents. We were offered 2-3 days from grandparents but they would have had cbeebies running all day and fed them junk so we said no. Instead my DC were outside running about making friends, doing tons of sensory and craft activities, reading, singing, dancing. Also if nursery do anything we aren't keen on we can complain and it would get sorted, whereas grandparents are a whole other kettle of fish.

My children went for half days to the nursery attached to their infants school from the age of approx 3 and a half. Before that they both went to playgroups, firstly with me and then after about age 2 to a place where they could be left for a couple of hours, twice a week. I found this a welcome break for me, tbh.

But my children certainly had no ill effects from not being in a formal childcare setting up to the age of 3.5 years. They both adjusted just fine to school and had plenty of friends.

They don’t need nursery at all, but as a Reception teacher I can absolutely tell which children have been to nursery and which ones haven’t. I currently have a child who stayed at home with mum and they had a fantastic start - did loads of outdoor stuff! They didn’t do much else though so actually no she’s reception she is really struggling with a lot of it - her fine motor skills aren’t developed so she still can’t write her name, she has no exposure to early phonics skills (story telling, rhyming, oral blending etc) so she is really struggling to keep up in phonics, her listening skills are still very poor even now although she’s getting better now she’s been with us for a term and a half! The biggest one is that she really struggles with the other children. She can’t share or play with other children at all and needs a lot of support to do this. We do not suspect any SEND. I’m not saying all of this is a must but nurseries know their stuff and they give children a really wide and balanced variety of experiences so that they’re entering school as really well rounded children ready for learning! However if grandparents are really
mindful of the activities they are doing and look at the EYFS to see what nurseries would be working from there is no reason your child can’t be exposed to the same opportunities - it’s just that nurseries do that as part of their everyday! I wouldn’t send mine until the funded hours at 3 though.

I was a nursery nurse in my 20s, my children didn't go to nursery. They went to a pre-school 2 mornings a week from 2 and 3/4 until they were eligible for yhe school nursery 5 mornings a week. At that age there are clear benefits to spending some time in an educational setting.
Prior to 2 or 2 1/2, nurseries exist for parents, if they didn't exist parents wouldn't be able to work. Babies and toddlers need nurseries in the sense that they need the things their parents are able to provide through working. They don't need nurseries for their development.
Of course some parents will say x came on so much from being at nursery, well yes they did, no denying it but they would probably have come on that much at home with mum or dad or nan or whoever as it is a stage with many developmental leaps.

Maybe not nursery but they do need socialisation with other kids and quite a bit of it in my experience.

Frankly, unless you have twins and you’re going to put one in nursery and keep one back, I’m not sure there’s a real way to know this answer. But, we’ve done nursery for both of ours and it has been amazing. At age 3+ it becomes much more about friendships and bonding. Before that it’s more about routine and guided exploration. It sounds like you care a lot about your child and won’t do them wrong either way.

they don't need nursery. but they do need exposure to children their own age (and the bugs that come with that).

it's fine if you take them to a playgroup regularly where they can make friends and play uninterrupted by parents but also learn how to follow simple routines like reading a book together, show&tell, eating together.

They don't really, until they are about 2 when they start to engage in onlooker play and parallel play, being aware of other children in the room and being to play next to but not with them. They then develop playing with children.

Prior to 2 all play is solitary, and there is very little benefit to early socialisation, they aren't puppies.

After 2 it is important, but nobody should feel guilty for not doing it before.

yes, i think, a year as said above, before they start school, good socialisation

As long as the carer givers are doing a good job then toddlers don’t need nursery. But the research is very clear that it all demands on what your grandparents are doing at all, lots of chatting and visiting different places including toddler groups then I’m sure they’re doing a great job. Once they’re preschoolers nursery is important, just the 15 hours in school nursery is enough imo - again along side good care.

For age 1-2, it depends what the alternatives are.

Time spent with mum or dad going out every day to do activities, playgroups, etc, then no, they don't need nursery. If a grandparent is young enough, healthy enough and engaged enough to provide this each they have have them too, then no need for nursery.

My parents would have the television on all day and constantly feed DC, and they'd be lucky to get out for a walk around the block. They might go out for lunch but that'd be it. While this would be fine for a day once every few weeks, if we're talking every week (or worse, several days a week) nursery would definitely be preferable.

From age 2.5 onwards I think nursery is definitely beneficial.

I think there are two aspects to this :

Stimulation - nurseries in the main (not all) are great for this, they will provide daily activities and often outings. Grandparents can also be great at this - but obviously this depends on the grandparents.

I know several grandparents who do childcare - some, even though they are in their 60s are very nervous about taking young children out and about and basically stay at home all day, often with a lot of TV. Some have more energy than I do in my 40s and put on an incredibly enriching array of activities. The OP will know what the situation is with her children's grandparents

Socialisation - honestly I don't think toddler groups really replicate nursery. My two did two days a week with me/DH at groups and three days a week in nursery. From a pretty early age - 18m/2 they had friends in nursery, my 7 year old still talks about his nursery friends. They had fun at toddler groups but the friendships were much more superficial. And that makes sense - toddler groups are shorter, more transient and mum or dad is right there. I think some nursery/preschool is good from 2ish depending on the child.

I don't think toddlers 'need' nursery. But it can be a great addition to time spent at home.

My little one goes to my parents when I work. I’ll be putting her in nursery when she turns 3 to help prep her for school etc but right now she goes to different classes with my parents. Spends a lot of time with her cousins and goes on amazing days out with my parents. It’s definitely made the transition of leaving her easier for me.

The majority of people have said they are surprised that I haven’t put her in nursery but when I explain a bit further and the massive cost difference then they understand. (I pay for the classes, provide lunch and give my parents money for days out)

Imo a 1 year old is far better off with grandparents (assuming they are providing a reasonable quality of care and stimulation). Dd1 did go to nursery at that age as it allowed her to be surrounded by the language of the country we were currently living in. This provided something myself and my parents could not. This wasn't an issue for dd2 so she did not go. She was far better off with my parents. They massively benefited from the 15 hours at 3 however. I'd say at least some nursery is important pre school.

They don't need nursery at all. What they need is interaction with other adults and children. I personally think the preschool year is important, primarily as preparation for reception, before that not necessary.

Mine started at a preschool type of nursery at age 2.5. Initially 2 x mornings (9:30-12) a week, gradually increasing to 15 hours once funding kicked in at 3. I added another morning, then extended the mornings to include a lunchtime or two (packed lunches) and by the term before school, they did one full day too.
I think it's useful for getting them ready for school and mine did thrive from doing the activities I never would have thought to do at home and playing with other children semi independently in a way they just don't when you're with them at toddler groups. I wouldn't have sent them earlier than 2.5 though and was lucky I didn't need to.
As long as the grandparents are doing stuff with them (days out, puzzles, playing games, arts and crafts, trips to the park etc) and not just plopping them in front of the telly, it's fine.

Totally up to you. By the age of 2 mine really did need nursery. He does 3 days a week and skips there in the morning. He absolutely loves it. We don't need to have him in nursery as I don't need to work but he gets so much out of it. I'm happier working here and there and getting some time to myself each week and he's happy at nursery getting to do all sorts of fun things.

None of my DCs went to nursery and were fine with 2 toddler groups a week, plus going to a local park and meeting plenty of other children there. There isn't a need to spend crazy amounts of money (and £400 a month sounds cheap!) if you have willing family members helping you.

I find it so bizarre that your colleagues comment so freely on your life choices. Sounds like you have a good balance with your current setup.

As others have said, some may need to say that to themselves to offset the feelings that can come with send your child to a nursery five days a week, it’s hard missing out on that time with them and lots of parents just don’t have a choice.

As for my own experience with nursery and my own child, I was back to work when my DC was 8 months and she is just coming up to a year now. She is there 3 days a week and I really have seen a difference in her. It feels to me that the nursery setting mimics in some ways, the social groups we would be raising our children in as a tribal species. I am quite introverted myself and love seeing her become a happy, confident child. So I would say she doesn’t need nursery, but I can see how it benefits her 😊

Of course not.

Of course not. My 1 year old adores nursery but it's only necessary because DH and I work.

It's important to remember the political side of this too. It's important for the economy as it's now set up for families to have two working parents. So of course the government is going to push childcare.

There is also an enormous elephant in the room- there are children for whom a good nursery is a lifeline- the beginning of a hard climb out of disadvantage. So the narrative that children need nursery is not a simple one.

I think normal child development means children need opportunities to play alongside and then with other children, and to have slightly older and younger children around them, to practice skills with. Like sharing and turn taking etc.

I dont think this needs to be at a nursery. A couple of regular toddler group a week, meeting up with others to play in the woods etc is fine.

I do think kids need a village and if you don't have a village then nursery can be the next best thing. The mums I know who didn't feel the need to use nursery were the ones that could go to groups and spend time with friends with similar aged kids.

After lockdown I'm not convinced at all by the idea that toddlers only need a primary caregiver. Everyone I know who went through lockdown with no family visits, no groups, nowhere to take them when the weather was bad found it a miserable experience for the both of them.