MALE STAFF AT NURSERIES - MAKES ME FEEL UNEASY.....

[Lolabelle]

I hate to be sexist and i appreciate thats how it would seem but we viewed a nursery today for my DD1 who is 2 and the staff contained two young men (max age 20 if that) and one would be responsible for my DD1. That means nappy changing the works and my husband and i both felt uneasy when we discussed it later. I really, really hate even saying it and they are probably lovely lads but too much goes on this day and sadly yes it usually is by men/lads etc and ...oh i don't know - am i being completely out of order thinking like this???

Sorry, haven't had a chance to properly read all of the thread but just wanted to say that if this is the first place you have looked at, maybe try looking into alternatives? I know from experience that sometimes you view a place and it just doesn't'feel' right and if this is the case for you, then maybe you could consider alternatives?

Good luck with your hunt and with whichever choice you make, because at the end of the day it is your choice and it is really about what suits you and your DD.

Chicpea - why??

Lolabelle, it seems to be deeply uncool to say so, but I absolutely wouldn't be happy with an 18 year old male changing my baby's nappy. I don't think that all men are peodophiles or any of the other things that it's been suggested that such a point of view might imply. I just simply wouldn't feel comfortable with it myself and wouldn't feel guilty or the need to justify myself for thinking so. Your child is the most important thing in the world to you - if a male carer makes you feel uneasy you shouldn't put political correctness or anything else before your own instincts. I would possibly consider one for an older child who could talk if I was vetting the candidate myself (i.e. for a nannying position, as opposed to a nursery carer where a quick 'hello' of introduction is all you get), but certainly wouldn't for a baby. Good luck in your decision - I know from the similar views of my RL friends that there must be hundreds (probably thousands) of people that also would have doubts about it (including men), so don't feel guilty about it.

What? Why?? Do we want our ds's to think they can't/mustn't choose this kind of career, if they wanted, or that changing nappies and looking after kids is girl's/women's work?? And we wonder why there are so many threads about crap husbands/partners...

What makes an 18 year old woman any different from doing this job than an 18 year old man if they're both good at it? What about equal opportunitities?!!!

(Stepping away from the thread - it's doing my blood pressure no good...).

Dottydot, for different reasons I wouldn't feel instantly happy about leaving my child with an 18 year old girl either, unless I'd had a proper chance to talk to her and seen she was exceptionally mature for her age and genuinely cared about the children and had an awareness for the implications of her own and the children's actions - all of which I would have thought would be unusual at that age unless the girl was a mother herself. I say this having worked in a nursery myself one summer and I very clearly remember my own horror and questioning of my abilities when I had not had the foresight to stop a small baby crawling up to and then touching a radiator - it had not occured to me that a baby's skin would be more delicate than an adults and that such an action could have resulted in burns. I don't think I was a neglectful or irresponsible person, just too young to be doing that job.

I absolutely agree - it's about someone's capacity and capability to do the job, not about what gender they are...

Yes, mainly that, but as I said I would have additional worries about an 18 year old male.

Why though?

I think it is great to see men working in nurseries. In order for a male to choose this profession he must be very dedicated to it cos it is not a 'natural' career choice for a man, iyswim. It makes me feel taht he has made a positive decision to be there, rather than following his mates into doing whatever they are doing.

Well, boys mature even later than girls for a start, so from that point of view are even less likely to be suitable, but that aside, I'd just feel really uncomfortable with it - it is an instinct thing. I think every person's experience of both the males in their own childhood and their adult perception of what an 18 year old boy is likely to be like differs, but mine would certainly tell me that, unless I was interviewing them personally and able to get a real feel for what they were like, I wouldn't consider it.

sorry, I would wonder why young lads wanted to work in a nursery.
feel the same way about male midwives.
I would wonder why they were there. It isn't like it is highly paid work. I would wonder about motivation, and would probably decide that I would find somewhere else. so shoot me.

Well I just think that's really . If we continue to see nursery workers (and midwives for that matter) as low paid, low skilled, only good enough for women to do jobs, it's a flipping shame.

no midwives I think are highly skilled. I just think they shouldn't be midwives for gods sake, if anything is women's work that's it, go away and do something else!

but nursery work - I just wonder what they are doing there. as I say, it is the motivation that concerns me. why are they there?

So only females can be motivated to want to make a difference in a young childs life?!

What about a male nursery teacher? Does it make a big difference because it is teaching in the the traditional sense rather than through play and social skills that are taught by nursery workers?

As for male midwives why not? There are male doctors and nurses, midwifery(sp?) is a specialised area of the health system.

I must admit to wondering why anyone would question the motivation of a male midwife but not a male gynaecologist. Both see their fair share of fanjos on a daily basis.

As very much not a new man, I am glad to see that sexism is in now way only a male defect.

The reason young women / girls ended up doing so many childcare jobs traditionally was that they were worse educated and had low aspirations so accepted poor jobs.
Nowadays many girls are far better educated then boys, and thus men are starting to find it rational to take on poorly paid childcare jobs.
The motivations of the boys is unknown. But having been young once, long long ago, it seems to me that an environment where there were lots of the opposite sex hanging around, would have distinct attractions.

I've been changing nappies since before the majority of MNers were born. I don't see how my penis makes me inferior at the job. I wouldn't do it for a living because I can earn more doing other things. But if that was the best paid job I could do, there I would be. I have taught several kids to read, have first aid qualifications, understand kiddie nutrition, and have dealt with kids behavioural issues that have made women actually fear for their physical safety.
I can also lift heavy objects, which is occasionally useful in such things.
I'd be good at it, probably.

Lollabelle - I am another mum that really likes the idea of having males in nurseries. My DD had a young one that was fantastic. He had much more nergy, and was much more fun that many of the women. All the children loved them! I think male and female do offer different things to kids, and ideally I would like my kids to have both!

I am not sure what is bothering you, but another way to look at this is that these guys must really like kids, otherwise as dommini connor says there is no reason why they would be there. So I bet they have to be better than average child carers.

Also, given my (limited) experience nurseries offer a much, much smaller chance of any funny business happening than childminders. Don't mean to offend anyone, but there are multiple staff, many rules, and no place where funny business can take place. So I really wouldn't worry about that!

Finally, ultimately you need to chose a child care arrangement that you are happy with it. everybody likes different things, and you are expected to shop and look around. So don't feel bad about visiting lots of places and asking a million questions. I think most reputable nurseries will actually require that you stay with your child for at least a few days. My nursery wouldn't allow me to just drop DC until after two weeks!

Good luck!

P.s. Dcs like nursery so much that use the threat of not taking them as punishment!
I guess that only says how bad a mummy I am...

Hmm. I wouldn't have thought it would be a major problem that there is one male carer in a nursery who is surrounded by and doubtless supervised extensively by, women.

I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I hated the fact that a couple of the people at DD's nurseries smoked. I'd have much preferred a non-smoking male, tbh.

But I agree with everyone who says this is your child and you have to be absolutely happy with the childcare you go for. If you're not happy with this, look for somewhere you are happy with. Although I agree with whoever said it sounds like you're not happy with the idea of nursery at all. Have you considered other childcare options?

I had to come off this post over the weekend as the posts were becoming too personal and i'm a bit weepy at the mo and sitting in front of the computer listening to what was being fired at me was really really harsh, go on say i asked if i was being out of order so you told me. Yeah i know.

Lemonaid - my DH would totally get it if a relative had any concerns, privately he would feel a bit gutted as he likes to think hes fab with kids which he is but he would get it and leaves all nappy changing etc of friends children that i have looked after to me. Sad state of affairs most definitely but he does get 'it' whatever 'it' is..

KVG - thank you, the age is relavant, the sex played a part, the leaving her played a part - it was an amalgamation and yes i felt bad but i was baring my soul as opposed to trying to start a thread about what a sexist nasty prejediced cow that Lolabelle is..

Thanks for noting my other posts plummymummy and yes Greensleeves is right i do have a slightly negative view of the world in regards to men i don't know alone with my little girl and i echo everything she said/felt but i'm not campaigning against mens rights to work in nursery's nor am i suggesting that these young lads had a bad bone in their bodies i am just saying it threw me and made me feel slightly uneasy and whislt i wished it didn't it did. I am sure my DD would love him, she loves her older nephew and her Daddy and her Grandad. i think a male role model is important in every little boy and girls life. I'm not rationalising it I am just confiding in Mnetters as i was driving myself mad with these anxieties and wanted to know if i were alone in these fears. I'm not rationalising the fears and saying men shouldn't be carers.

I'm not sure how many more times i can stress the above, i'm sorry i didn't state at the beginning like someone said that i was pregnant and my mum has given up doing my childcare etc etc but it was only ever meant as a simple post to reassure/disagree with me and maybe get a few things staright in my head. It was only when under attack i ended up having to fight my corner and defend myself. God i could tell you a thousand things that help make up my views and fears but so could everyone, we all have reasons for our anxieties but i thought i'd try and stay away from anything too deep and try and keep a few things back as we all have our demons surely??

Message withdrawn

Sorryicod - checked threads I'm on and simply had to respond, tried to walk away...honest.

my dd is at nursery and her teacher is a man she loves him as do all the children, myself and dh are very happy with him looking after her. There are lots of children who dont have a dad around so more male role models is a good thing.
Dont you listen to David Cameron?

elclose has a very valid point, many kids reach 11 without many if any male teachers. Some don't have a man around their home as well.
Not exactly sure what effect that has, but hard to see it as good.
A few blokes in nurseries will make that a little less bad.

Oh my God! Missed this one first time round. Both the nurseries my son went to had male carers and I was thrilled that they were there! I cannot believe that in a world striving towards equality this view exists!
You're absolutely right, all gynaecologists are rapists, all paediatric workers are paedophiles and any man caring enough to go into child care is a vile piece of human scum
Sorry, got quite heated there! Rant over.

lol at "don't you listen to David Cameron"

Yes, I do. And Dolly Parton sleeps on her front.