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Original poster

MALE STAFF AT NURSERIES - MAKES ME FEEL UNEASY.....

161 replies

Lolabelle · 17/02/2007 21:50

I hate to be sexist and i appreciate thats how it would seem but we viewed a nursery today for my DD1 who is 2 and the staff contained two young men (max age 20 if that) and one would be responsible for my DD1. That means nappy changing the works and my husband and i both felt uneasy when we discussed it later. I really, really hate even saying it and they are probably lovely lads but too much goes on this day and sadly yes it usually is by men/lads etc and ...oh i don't know - am i being completely out of order thinking like this???

OP posts:
nikkie · 17/02/2007 22:06

Why does someone else need to be presetn for nappy changing?Doesn't that make it more awkward?

lulumama · 17/02/2007 22:07

Lolabelle...sorry for sounding harsh

sounds like your pregnancy hormones are making you really protective., and going from leaving your dd with a family member to a stranger , is hard......maybe look for a different nursery, or make sure she has a long settling in period if possible

is everything about the nursery ok, apart from the male staff?

LaylaandSethsmum · 17/02/2007 22:08

Are you working? If not can you not have her at home? How old is she? You are right about the separation thing though she will probably be fine, you will find it tough at first though

divamumplus · 17/02/2007 22:08

yes, i agree with others, you accept them as professionals. i went to see gynea(female one) but she was busy and saw her registar, a male (african) i felt uneasy, went in with dh, and he was great. very supportive, and explained well. next time i went to see gynea again, and saw female one, she was waste of time, she was like bloke i would expect, referred me to physio, and left with nurse, and shoot off.
i would see male one next time. he made me feel better.
oops probably o/t

Original poster
Lolabelle · 17/02/2007 22:09

I have been signed of sick for the remainder of my pregnancy and have bad sciatica and what with the new baby thought nursery two days a week would benefit her. everyone tells me it would and so i went to see a couple. I agree with what you said about employing a young guy after she joined and thats when i realised it was a hopeless anxiety probably something i should now realise i should never of mentioned. You seem to have misunderstood my fears as being accusations. I'm new to childcare and nurseries and find the whole experience pretty rotten especially so close to having another child my mum being unable to help anymore i've actually found myself quite anxious..

OP posts:
BlueDaisy · 17/02/2007 22:09

Try not to worry too much. You are a mum and worrying irrationally comes with the territory unfortnuatley, which is only natural when you love someone so much.

My dd recently had a young lad as a work experience at school, and he seemed OK.

I do empathise with your fears when you think about what you hear in the news, as lets face it, you don't hear of many women doing unthinkable things to children (though of course there are some). But you can't let thoughts like that rule your life, as there are lots of male teachers at schools.

mysonsmummy · 17/02/2007 22:09

i think you had better get used to it before your dd starts school. they are trying to get male workers in to schools - its exaactly this attitude that puts them off.

they are someones son -- how would you feel if you had a son and someone thought that about them. i hope the nursery has checked their credentials anyway - whose saying a women could be any better.

i have a ds 5 and the more male input he has the better.

colditz · 17/02/2007 22:09

You poor thing, you sound in a right pickle.

BUT

Better that you get her used to going to nursery now, so that when you have the baby, she will have a place to go away from the baby.

Now you have said you are pregnant, I understand a little more how you feel. i wouldn't let anyone take ds1 out when I was pregnant with ds2, and if the playschool took them on a trip out I

oh lord

I used to follow them.

Busybean · 17/02/2007 22:11

I too think this is very sad.
My dp has already admitted to me that he wont for instance, go to the help of a small child thats had a fall/fallen off play equipment/got lost from parents etc, just because hes scared of the fact people in this day and age will think hes doing something pevertedly even though hes a dad too.

I think that your find those two young men have already had to get through a hell of a lot of dicrimination, just to get to work in a nursery in the first place. Ive personally never seen a bloke on a childcare course at college, so theyve probably had to very brave in perservering to do what they want as a job.

BlueDaisy · 17/02/2007 22:11

I don't think you are being narrow minded or whatever btw, you are being honest, and I think that your thoughts are at the back of a lot of other mums minds (though firmly shoved at the back!!)

colditz · 17/02/2007 22:12

FGS everyone LAY OFF>

We have all been pregnant, we have all been tired, and we have all been at the mercy of our hormones. Please please don't give this poor girl a pasting for voicing her worries.

LaylaandSethsmum · 17/02/2007 22:14

If she is still little then theres no real need for nursery as hunker said earlier , you can take her to groups etc if you want extra interaction.

I know you weren't accusing but your thoughts seem slightly odd about this you gave the impression that your DD is more precious than others so can't be left with male carers, to me anyway. This is only my understanding of it though and others will feel differently.

If you still feel she needs a nursery then it probably would e best to view some more to get a better idea.

LaylaandSethsmum · 17/02/2007 22:16

OK will lay off, didn't set out to sound harsh, you are only voicing your concerns.

Sorry.

colditz · 17/02/2007 22:16

This woman is 7 months pregnant and has been signed off with sciatica. I think she needs her dd to go to nursery, and it won't hurt her dd.

BlueDaisy · 17/02/2007 22:16

Of course her baby is more precious than the others!!! Its HER baby!! Don't understand where you are heading with that??

colditz · 17/02/2007 22:16

Sorry X posted

Original poster
Lolabelle · 17/02/2007 22:16

I am irritational i know. I would probably die of shock if the nursery said they were taking them out for a walk. i am paranoid the fences in the outside play area are too low, that the door security is not strict enough. I am paranoid about them not checking her eating as she has a tendancy to choke (been in A&E twice) and i'm paranoid about everything you read about in the paper happening to my my baby. And some.

Ok maybe i did want Mrs f*ing Doubfire to walk out not a young lad but thats why i aired it on here as i do realise you know that being my views wee not the sort of thing i start chating over the garden fence about as they can offend so i use MNET to air these concerns as sometimes it helps me get things straight in my head.

And yes i too will be very tempted to spy on her if i thought i wouldn't get caught!

OP posts:
BlueDaisy · 17/02/2007 22:16

Sorry x posted

lulumama · 17/02/2007 22:17

maybe you need to speak to someone re your anxiety and tackling that? as there are always going to be situation where you cannot be with DD , as she grows?

colditz · 17/02/2007 22:17

Oh, see and I've been sucked in against my better judgement. Again.

lulumama · 17/02/2007 22:18

is there a different nursery? there must be more in the area..maybe a smaller nursery, with more mature carers, would suit you ? what about a childminder? can you afford a nanny or au pair?

lulumama · 17/02/2007 22:19

sucked in?

BlueDaisy · 17/02/2007 22:19

Lolabelle - I really feel for you, being pregnant witha little one starting nursery is horrible - but you are doing the right hting. My dd started pre school two weeks after her sister was born. I think she needed it, and me and the baby needed it. It was so hard at first but you will relax and YES even look forward to having a bit of time to yourself/you and newborn!!!!!

BlueDaisy · 17/02/2007 22:20

Colditz??

LaylaandSethsmum · 17/02/2007 22:21

I said i would lay off and I will but just wanted to clarify.

What I meant was that loads of people leave their kids with male carers, have thought nothing of it and their kids are happy and safe, they way I read the op was that her child was too good for this or more vulnerable than others for some reason.

Yes I know shes more precious to her because shes her DD but it could make others feel they are putting their kids at risk when they are not.

Am rambling now, trying to make myself clear but am not sure of thats happeneing or not?!

I just wanted lolabelle to get a bit of perspective thats all. It wasn't a slight on her.