I gave up the school run and I feel Amazing but MIL thinks I’m lazy

[Feelsomuchbetter]

I have ASD and ADHD . I struggle a lot. The school run has been hell for me. Dh drives past the school on his way to work so 3 months ago I asked him to please take the dc instead of me doing it. He was previously leaving 10 mins before we had to now he drops dc at breakfast club a bit earlier.

I feel SO much better. I’ve been able to wean myself off AD and I’m not mentally ruined by 9 am . MIL has been saying it’s not fair on dh !!!! That he should have a calm drive to work not stopping off at all ?? Dh is fine to do it he doesn’t mind, hasn’t complained .

So no one with ND does the school run, or works?

It isn’t being ableist to point out this is nonsense

I would think the op husband will be a lot more relaxed knowing his wife's mental health is improving by just doing school runs .
I can't believe so many people have tried to make the op feel bad and then going on about her working .
So bloody judgemental .
So many perfect people on mumsnet . They work/clean do everything the children need and never have moments of needing help and understanding. If only we all could be that perfect.

I really don't understand all these sanctimonious proclamations from neurotypical people about how they still work full time despite xyz. Not trying to say people shouldn't post if they're neurotypical, but unless you're at least prepared to try and be open to the fact that ND people face a whole set of different challenges that you may not be able to understand or relate to, why even waste your time posting?

Did you not mean the "in sickness and in health" part of your wedding vows then?

DS has both and DD has ASD and I totally get it. DD16 isn't able to attend school or shops etc because of the busy / loud issues as she's SPD which it sounds like you may have too. Have you tried Apple headphones with the best noise cancelling they're £500 but well worth it!
Your MIL needs to keep her beak out

Your prerogative, but thankfully some people are actually prepared to stick by their spouses through adversity.

I can see your mils pov. It may be that he's expressed exhaustion to her or stress if he is having to do everything alone. Just because he does it all doesn't mean it's not a struggle for him. Sounds like he has all the responsibility on him.
I hated the school run but it's a responsibility we have when we have kids, I always left it till the last minute so I didn't have to stand around.
Avoiding things and passing the workload onto another person is not a fair or healthy long term solution.

Parenting doesn’t overwhelm me at all now they are not babies/toddlers!

No-one is saying that no-one with ND ever does the school run, though, @thatdidnothappen - @Feelsomuchbetter is being called lazy because her dh does the school run, when this is what she needs as a reasonable adjustment for her conditions.

And isn’t it ableist to say that, because some people with ND can do X, Y or Z, every person with ND will be able to do the same?

OMG a father dropping his OWN kids off at school! That he drives right by. What is the world coming to. I am outraged. kidding. Your MIL is being ridiculous.

I am mindful.
She can do it, she has done it. She gets too stressed and anxious so she’s put that on to someone else. They’re happy to do it so it’s not a problem.

such weird reactions here. Husband just needs to do a stop and drop on his way to work. It just makes logistical sense imo, regardless of working or mental health status of the other parent.

Doesn't mean he needs to do the whole morning-wake-them-up-and-get-them-ready part which, agreed would be a lot to do if there is a sahm in the mix but that is not how OP described the situation.

Yes. I definitely wouldn’t be sticking through anything if it was to the detriment of my own well being. I’m speaking generally, not saying that is what is happening in ops case.

It's not really any of her business.
My only real thought it breakfast club and after school club is a big expense when there's a SAHP. But if you can afford it, do whatever works.
Does your DH get any downtime though OP? Do you parent by yourself at all ever? Or are the kids only home when he is now?

That is not what it is. It involves having to leave at a particular time (no getting to work a bit earlier or later) it means having to stop and get kids out and drop off. It is a lot.

Controversially I think opting out of things like this is one of the worst things you can do.

If course they do, but neurodiversity is a spectrum so it affects each and every person differently. Some are capable of climbing Mt Everest and others are so disabled by their symptoms that they can't get out of bed.

HTH.

One of the worst things you can do? Get a grip. Be thankful you don't have to live with a condition like this.

Clearly not.

Lots of people here confusing anxiety with ASD/ADHD.

Anxiety requires you to keep exposing yourself to situations for it to get better.

ASD/ADHD means that if you keep exposing yourself to distressing situations, your distress will likely get worse and probably lead yourself to burnout.

Explained to me by a clinical psychologist in CAMHS.

OP is doing the right thing in avoiding the school run.

This. Interfering judgemental comments designed to make you feel bad about an arrangement your DH is perfectly OK with , are a sure sign that you should both tell MIL a LOT LESS about your lives.
Had this for years, because Oh the Horror.. DH "was forced" to iron his own 5 shirts a week (so that he could watch Sunday evening detective dramas whilst I rounded up them all up for Monday prep and bed) I know who had the cushy deal.

The 1950's called and would like its marital norms back thanks.

Never assume.

I assume not as I hope you would be more understand if you knew what it was like.

Your health is the most important thing here so really you have no choice. But I’m a huge believer in walking to school. I still remember my walks to and from school as a child and I cherish the days I walked my own children to and from school. It was such lovely family time but not if it affects your wellbeing.

We tell my MIL absolutely nothing. So she can't comment on anything.

How about you mind your own business?

That wasn't the question and how the OP and her husband arrange their family life and her mental health is up to them