I gave up the school run and I feel Amazing but MIL thinks I’m lazy

[Feelsomuchbetter]

I have ASD and ADHD . I struggle a lot. The school run has been hell for me. Dh drives past the school on his way to work so 3 months ago I asked him to please take the dc instead of me doing it. He was previously leaving 10 mins before we had to now he drops dc at breakfast club a bit earlier.

I feel SO much better. I’ve been able to wean myself off AD and I’m not mentally ruined by 9 am . MIL has been saying it’s not fair on dh !!!! That he should have a calm drive to work not stopping off at all ?? Dh is fine to do it he doesn’t mind, hasn’t complained .

In the circumstances, why on earth would your DH NOT take the kids? Ask him to tell his mother to keep her nose out.

How are you an expert in the OP's life?

You said she was lazy. That’s not being mindful at all of how someone is impacted by their conditions

MIL needs to butt out of matters that don't concern her at all and you need to develop the ability to ignore her

MIL is an interfearing twat. Your marriage is nothing to do with her and she should keep her opinions to herself. Your DH is also thoughtless, he should have been doing the school run automatically! Very selfish to leave you to do it when he drives last there anyway and there's only 10 mins difference in times. This would apply if you were perfectly healthy, never mind when you're struggling with health conditions too!

She asked for the opinions of strangers… literally made it everyone’s business.

Welcome to the internet.

It derails the thread when you do this. You should know this with your internet wisdom.

It’s directly related to MIL thinking she was lazy. Are you dim?

And this is why you should never assume.

Can you imagine if this was the other way around.

DH mentally ill at home and DW starts to take the children to school on her way to work.

No one would bat an eyelid. It's like - well yes, that's just what Mums do, pick up the slack.

This man seems to need an award for his ability to actually.... parent! In the eyes of his DM.

OP, you carry on as you are. It can take years to overcome the autistic burnout. Get better and stronger and just do what you can and ignore your MIL who clearly doesn't understand.

She doesn't "hate it." She has mental health issues that are exacerbated by the stress if it.

So are you neurodiverse? If so then why are you not more understanding?

I am neurodiverse and not affected in the same way as the OP. I still have sympathy for her though and understand why she feels the need to do what she has done. I can't imagine being so judgemental of someone with a disability that I feel the need to say that letting her DH do the school run is the "worse thing you can do". Weird.

Because I don’t think opting out of things is beneficial to anybody but especially not us, if you’ll forgive the pronoun.

It is easy to opt out in modern society. WFH and the like, and as a result we lose some of the masking skills we had, and we do need them, and our children need us to have them.

Your mil should mind her own business!

I think it is as relevant as the OP wants it to be. Not all MILs are gits. The OP's dh sounds nice and that might be due to the MIL. Or the OP can find out more and then ignore.

Who was MIL saying this too @Feelsomuchbetter and did she actually use the word "lazy" ?

To me, it is a complete and utter waste of your time and resources for you to be doing the school run if he is driving past on his way to work. Nothing to do with being lazy and MIL needs to wind her neck in.

See this is how I’ve ended up doing every single nursery run for the last four years and will continue to do so for another three.

It is a PITA.

I cannot stay at work late or start early. I can’t finish early and come home for a bit. I have to leave early to avoid peak traffic. The drop off does take time - it isn’t like popping into a shop. And it is really really unfair.

Biroclicker · Today 13:29

He has been complaining to her. Whether you think he mind or not, I'd say he has definitely been having a whinge about it.

Id think this too, he mightn’t have meant to, but I remember dm making a joke to dh about something I’d said to her and then she added ‘it might be easier if you did it and took some stress off stayathomer?’ I nearly fell through the floor😅

To clarify they are at breakfast club at 7.30? What time do you all get up? What time do they stay late? Do they manage to do clubs outside school?

I think the dh would get absolutely slated here in that situation.
If the wife was the only one working while dh unemployed, meant to be a sahm dad while kids at school but he then refuses to do school runs as he finds it stressful, so wife has to do it on her way to work, leaving earlier and meaning the kids also have to go to breakfast and after school club.
I don't think posters here would be sympathetic to dh in that situation.
Op needs to find coping strategies for things she finds difficult, not just pass things on to her husband. Yes her wellbeing is important but so is her husbands.

I said it was a bit lazy. I can still say that and still be mindful of how she is impacted by her condition.

perhaps she is worried about you op

If you help them get ready why don't you have the panic that you previously had about them getting ready?

Where you say you were planning your day round drop off and pick up, that is pretty much what every parent who is involved with the school run does. Does your DH have a job that he can leave at a set time, no overrunning of time? Getting to ASC on time after work was much more stressful for me than doing the pick up on a non working day. Amount of time I was running through the office, with a couple of minutes to spare, hoping a client wouldn't phone me at the last minute.

@Deja321 and also that the children have to go to breakfast club and ASC when there is a parent at home, especially if they have to be at school at 7.30