I can’t believe what I am reading on here sometimes! So many NT people judging from their own experience, with no knowledge of what it is like to have an invisible disability. Would they judge the same way if someone had a physical disability?
The very essence of autism is the “auto” bit. In other words, it’s internal within the person, and in the case of many women and some men, very much hidden.
No one can hope to know or understand how debilitating it is unless you have it, or have a child or sibling with it.
Imagine the sensory onslaught of standing under a massive waterfall in full flow for half an hour every morning and every afternoon. Imagine the frightening overwhelming noise, the power of it, your skin being pummelled by the water, the shock of the cold, not being able to catch your breath, not being able to communicate, the unsteadiness and potential loss of balance.
And all the time the weight of the responsibility looking after dc in that environment and the stress over keeping them safe.
That gives you some idea of how some autistic adults will feel walking in to a primary school environment twice a day. It would inevitably be very debilitating over a long period of time.
The balance of tasks between you and your dh is your business alone op. If you are doing everything you can in the home to make up for what you can’t do outside it, that’s playing to your strengths. Very sensible.
And I strongly disagree that your dh shouldn’t be doing at least half anyway. Just because you are a sahm shouldn’t make any difference to that, especially if he is driving past anyway!
Many autistic people get to the same point in life that NT people do. It’s just they sometimes have to take longer, or do it in their own way. In some areas they may exceed the capabilities of their NT peers. You are making great strides in life op and if I was your mil I’d be proud of you.
Does your mil have any knowledge about autism op? Maybe it’s time to enlighten her a bit? Or maybe that’s your dh’s task?