I gave up the school run and I feel Amazing but MIL thinks I’m lazy

[Feelsomuchbetter]

I have ASD and ADHD . I struggle a lot. The school run has been hell for me. Dh drives past the school on his way to work so 3 months ago I asked him to please take the dc instead of me doing it. He was previously leaving 10 mins before we had to now he drops dc at breakfast club a bit earlier.

I feel SO much better. I’ve been able to wean myself off AD and I’m not mentally ruined by 9 am . MIL has been saying it’s not fair on dh !!!! That he should have a calm drive to work not stopping off at all ?? Dh is fine to do it he doesn’t mind, hasn’t complained .

Based on what OP can do though (volunteer) she can do this, she can get a train by herself, she can look after herself and children. I’m not saying she doesn’t need help and support but she’s opted not to work, spend money on CC and not do school runs.

My honest opinion is that you should be doing the pick up on the 2 days your husband works later. I can understand most of it but I think it’s too much to have your children doing after school club as well as breakfast club when you are at home. Both for them and the money it costs.

Is doing 2 out of 10 school runs really not possible?

Definitely less chaotic than most other depts.

Lots of people claim UC and work . I also get PIP and other elements. We rent too so get a housing element

You do understand that she doesn’t have a choice in the conditions she has? That she hasn’t chosen to have ASD, ADHD or depression?

I have read that you have 2 kids with AN; but it is you; if you can’t cope you can’t cope. Do whatever makes you happy; especially if your partner is happy to support

Plenty of children with two working parents would be in school for those hours.

I also don't see the point in the OP having to walk the kids to school and walk home again when her DH is driving past the school, and can do it! Seems logical to me! It's hardly that onerous a task for him?

What - because he's dropping his own children to school???

Probably because he appears to be doing everything while op stays at home or only does what she enjoys. It's not fair. Maybe mil is concerned about her son burning out.

I am still missing how MIL delivered her "lazy" opinion. Who did she say it to and in what context and how is DH supporting in what his DM has said to his DW. @Feelsomuchbetter was "lazy" the word actually used?

She also wouldn't be getting the same responses if it was a physical illness limiting her!

I don't know why you felt moved to write such a nasty post.

Plenty of children of two working parents spend those hours in childcare.

I've never been married but I understand that there is something in the vows about in sickness and in health.

She is in receipt of PIP so has a significant long standing health condition.
so her husband is living up to his wedding vows, good for him

Dropping the children to the school he passes on his way to work is hardly "doing everything"!

God I'd have been "burned out" years ago!!!! and I had to go out of my way to get to school!

Do what you need to do OP. Your DH is happy with the arrangement and so are you, that's all that matters. If you'd broken your leg, then no one would be moaning about your DH doing the school runs and the kids being in wraparound despite you being at home.

Yes she said she was shocked at my lack of resilience and that personally she finds it lazy, that I should pull my socks up and get on with things

If both parents are working, which isn’t the case here, then it can’t be helped but it would still be a long day for children.

I never claimed it was an onerous task for him? I literally said I don’t see an issue with DH doing the school runs if it works for them.

She's a nasty piece of work! How dare she say that to you?

Did your DH speak to her about it? She needs to be put right back in her box!

And what did your DH say to support and defend you?

@wigsonthegreenandhatsforthelifting
But these children don't have 2 parents working

Having been that mum crying every morning because she had to leave her kids in breakfast club I appreciate what a privilege it is to not have to do it, and I do think when you become a parent you have to overcome boundaries

My eldest son is autistic, his behaviour made me the pariah of the playground, I used to be totally ostracised. I had horrendous panic attacks every time I had to face it, but I had to find a way to cope for my other boys

Plenty of children cope, and thrive.

If it's making the OP feel so much better in herself, then it's worth it - it will benefit the whole family.

Plenty of posters seem to think it's too much for the poor man!

Did you miss the bit in her post where she lists her disabilities? You clearly have no understanding of autism. As for her DH “burning out” he’s dropping the kids off which is on his way to work.

But he's working and ops not. It means he has to leave earlier and means kids have to go to breakfast and after school club. Probably adds more stress to his day.
I do it all by myself and was the same when I had a partner but doesn't make it right.

A lot of families are doing this now with neurodiversity. Parent or both claims pip like the OP, can be anything from can’t read a map to can’t cope with crowds for mobility scores, some choose the mobility car rather than cash. One parent has a full time wage, but they also have a few kids so top up from UC. Kids as young as 3 get DLA for adhd, some families claim for all their kids, no diagnosis needed, just supporting evidence which isn’t that difficult to get with the right advice. Then 85% of child care so breakfast clubs etc are peanuts. With housing element, regular UC allowance and disability payments some families are getting the equivalent of 50 to 60k and more a month from one parent working in a full time low level admin job.

It’s causing a big problem at the moment because when they apply for social housing they are earning too much to qualify (which is difficult to fathom when they get UC every month.) They also sometimes do not take it very well and scream blue murder as a result. I mean good luck to them but it’s definitely a thing of the moment.

That's not the point really.

God I never cried dropping mine off - I had to work to rear them!! I wasn't hanging around in the playground either - I'd work to get to! My kids didn't know any different and it was no hardship!