I gave up the school run and I feel Amazing but MIL thinks I’m lazy

[Feelsomuchbetter]

I have ASD and ADHD . I struggle a lot. The school run has been hell for me. Dh drives past the school on his way to work so 3 months ago I asked him to please take the dc instead of me doing it. He was previously leaving 10 mins before we had to now he drops dc at breakfast club a bit earlier.

I feel SO much better. I’ve been able to wean myself off AD and I’m not mentally ruined by 9 am . MIL has been saying it’s not fair on dh !!!! That he should have a calm drive to work not stopping off at all ?? Dh is fine to do it he doesn’t mind, hasn’t complained .

I'm glad you have the support of your husband, and I'm sorry you find the school run overwhelming. However, I think sometimes doings things we find uncomfortable and stressful (in moderation) can build resilience and self esteem. Perhaps you can hop in the car with the DC on some mornings, drop them off and walk back home and your husband drives on to work. It might not be necessary, but it might help manage your anxiety as you're not opting out of interacting with your children's school completely.

Hey @Feelsomuchbetter I’ve read all your posts and you seem to be getting a really hard time.

I think some people don’t understand neurodivergence is often a disability. And neither does your MIL, it seems. I wonder if she’d call you lazy if you had a physical disability.

If it works for you, your DH and the kids, then (frankly) it’s no one else’s business.

And well done on the volunteering. Hopefully, it’s really helping your confidence and will lead to a healthcare job you love and excel at.

Plenty of posters seem to think it's too much for the poor man!

Then quote their posts, not mine @wigsonthegreenandhatsforthelifting

What’s so bad about the school run? Can someone enlighten me please as a mum to a 2 year old who is not yet in school.

Aren't you just lovely!

I’m torn on this because I have fairly severe adhd but work part time, do the school runs and most school admin/housework etc. My DH works full time so I suppose I feel it’s up to me to support where I can. If I was really struggling my husband could drop off some days at a push but not pick up. He helps massively with household chores but is exhausted from work (quite manual) whereas I work in an office type role. I don’t like school runs and in all honesty struggle with a lot day to day but I try to support my family and ‘get through’ or get myself to a better place with things at least. I have recently started medication. I suppose for me not doing these things is worse and will send me into a bad place if I’m not busy, perhaps this is not the same for you. Not sure where I’m going with this reply except that I probably do think it is unfair on your DH and although it’s none of her business, I can see where your MIL is coming from.

Well that's me told off!!!

God, there's some ignorant people on this thread. Guessing it was somewhere like AIBU or Chat before it was moved here.

To the ignorant: comparing the school run to volunteer slots is like comparing apples to breezeblocks.

The school run is a very time-pressured activity that involves going outside to where there's noise, people, and other unpredictable things whilst being solely responsible for two children's safety. If you become overwhelmed, you endanger your children because you are no longer able to supervise them properly in a public outdoor space with traffic. If you become overwhelmed, there's nowhere to escape to because you are outdoors.

Sorting and packing food for a food bank isn't time-pressured and is indoors in a more predictable environment. If you become overwhelmed, you can safely leave to a less sensorily-challenging place to recover without endangering any children.

The hospital will be a more challenging environment, but again OP doesn't endanger any children if she stops serving hospital meals for ten minutes to recovery from sensory overload.

Welcome to the neurodivergent board, OP, where we do understand this stuff.

It's a PITA. Traffic, children everywhere and rude parents parking all over the shop.

Our primary school was in a cul de sac of houses and it was a bloody nightmare to get in and out of, and worst of all park.

we haven’t spoken to MIL since this happened and dh has told her she needs to apologise, that she’s entitled to her opinion but given she knows the struggles I’ve had the lazy comment was uncalled for and he told her not to contact us unless it’s to apologise

As DH is only in office twice a week, 3 days a week he is dropping and coming straight home. Could you not try doing it together and seeing how that goes?

@Deja321

A man dropping his own children at school is ' doing everything'

The op has clearly stated she does all the housework, cooking etc etc.

@bittertwisted
What impact on the children, she hasn't said they don't have play dates or go to parties. Surely it's better for the children not to have a mother on anti depressants?

And she has explained why?! Are you that ignorant?

Plenty of parents take the kids to and from school and work full time. What's rattled your cage?

Acrually my son is autistic and I work with autistic people and have done for nearly 20 years. Op had children so has a responsibility to them and school drop off is the bare minimum. He has to leave early and children have a very long day. I hated the school run but sometimes we have to do things we don't enjoy.

Good for him.

There's a few here that should be apologising to you as well!

You can't argue with stupid

Yes plenty of people do. But not whilst the other parent sits at home relaxing, because it's nice and calm

Did you miss the part where the OP said that she is feeling so much better that she was able to come off ADs??

It’s something we have talked about and we have agreed that when I feel ready it might be a positive step as if dh is with me and I feel overwhelmed it will be more manageable. I do want to take them / pick them up occasionally and it’s something I will consider trying again

Well if the OP's DH is happy with the situation, then it matters not one fuck what anyone else thinks!

I don’t just sit at home relaxing all day!!!

I do my volunteering. I also do some studying (I never got my maths gcse and I know I will need this if I want to apply for a paid role in future so working towards that). I also do the housework etc

I think that sounds like an excellent idea and if you could manage it then maybe you'd be able to collect them on your own on the two days he's not at home? Would cut the cost of childcare quite a bit.

I do the school run with my DH and it makes it much less stressful. I also wear sunglasses to dim the light and not have to look people in the eye.