I gave up the school run and I feel Amazing but MIL thinks I’m lazy

[Feelsomuchbetter]

I have ASD and ADHD . I struggle a lot. The school run has been hell for me. Dh drives past the school on his way to work so 3 months ago I asked him to please take the dc instead of me doing it. He was previously leaving 10 mins before we had to now he drops dc at breakfast club a bit earlier.

I feel SO much better. I’ve been able to wean myself off AD and I’m not mentally ruined by 9 am . MIL has been saying it’s not fair on dh !!!! That he should have a calm drive to work not stopping off at all ?? Dh is fine to do it he doesn’t mind, hasn’t complained .

I think Labour want to roll out free breakfast club for all children ? I’ll have to double check but I’m sure that’s what I read

What happens if your DH is poorly @Feelsomuchbetter ?

I actually agree with this because a paid role in the nhs - any role is so much worse than doing school runs. Most departments are very chaotic.

Not necessarily for a ND person. Why can't people understand this?

The dc are happy they love school the impact is only a positive one on them and at weekends and after school there’s plenty of time to do nice things

It’s totally different there’s not the sheer level of people and noise when I’m there

I don't understand why you would even tell your MIL about this.

The man is just parenting his own children!

Said with kindness, but this doesn’t seem a normal reaction to pretty innocuous simple tasks. Getting kids and self dressed and walking 20 mins?
Are you getting treatment for your anxiety/ issues ? This is no way to live and you must be miserable.

if you want to get back to work, and really it will do you the world of good, you’ve got to be able to manage more than just basic tasks like this. Have you a plan with support in place to help you begin to focus on getting there ?

I can understand why MIL feels judgemental as on the face of it, you’re not doing anything at all and expecting DH to add an extra job to his list on top of working.

obv if you’re disabled then it’s not fair to judge you but for your own wellbeing I would see what you can do to begin to confront this issue.

It’s like my PIP assessment with all the questions !

I do feel like these things can be navigated though, I really do. OP is a coherent, intelligent enough woman. There is a certain level of personal responsibility where we just need to get through things and get stuff done and contribute to the life we are living and the upbringing of the children. They are on UC and paying £24 a day twice a week for childcare they don’t need.

Which dept do you volunteer in? Loads of people and noise is part and parcel of the nhs these days.

I work in the nhs and they are very supportive of employees with Neurodiversity. 😊

Gynae/maternity

Op talks about panicking about running late, the number of people and the noise. Then volunteers in a hospital, the definition of chaos.

"I do feel like these things can be navigated though, I really do. OP is a coherent, intelligent enough woman. There is a certain level of personal responsibility where we just need to get through things and get stuff done and contribute to the life we are living and the upbringing of the children. They are on UC and paying £24 a day twice a week for childcare they don’t need."

Tell me you don't understand autism without telling me you don't understand autism. FFS.

It’s the complete opposite! One of the roles is mealtime support - it’s nothing like a school drop off. Also on a Thursday I volunteer at a food bank, that’s often busy but I’m in the background as sort donations and pack things etc it’s completely different . I just have a real problem with schools

I guess some people cannot be made to understand. They remind me of my neurotypical boss giving me a bad performance review. "You are very distracted". Well yeah, I have ADHD 🙄

Hi OP

I'm ADHD and austistic (though i didn't know at the time). The school pickup used every scrap of executive function, social energy and sensory tolerance. Doing it twice per day would have been impossible.

Take no notice of the ableists on here, absolute shameful ignorance.

Your DH literally drives past - so it is a non-issue. Your good mental health is a necessity for your family's happiness and wellbeing, as well as your own.

I also have a train to get there and back which I find very relaxing . They run often and I never feel panicked . It’s time for myself that I value and enjoy and is hopefully helping towards working again

I’m Autistic as is two of my children 😂😂

100%

It's actually fucking nuts that in 2024 people can be so ignorant.

@ItOnlyTakesTwoMinutes

Well then you'll know that every autistic person is different and has different challenges. What you can navigate, someone else can't.

Hmm, I'm in two minds about this.

On one hand, it makes absolute sense if it causes you stress and your DH is fine to do it.

On the other hand, there will be things in life that you will need to tackle to be able to function effectively and I feel that simply removing the stressors isn't finding solutions to help your resilience.

I have a ND child and they hate school...but by working with the school and with them to support them and find strategies they have been able to continue to go.

And as you then must know, not everyone's autism is the same. What they can and cannot do, what their barriers are.

I'm sorry to question but things really don't add up here as someone else has said, they wouldn't be able to claim UC if her partner is working especially as he works later on two of the days. The op also said it stresses her out how busy the playground is yet the kids are in after school club.and breakfast club when there aren't that many people around.