I gave up the school run and I feel Amazing but MIL thinks I’m lazy

[Feelsomuchbetter]

I have ASD and ADHD . I struggle a lot. The school run has been hell for me. Dh drives past the school on his way to work so 3 months ago I asked him to please take the dc instead of me doing it. He was previously leaving 10 mins before we had to now he drops dc at breakfast club a bit earlier.

I feel SO much better. I’ve been able to wean myself off AD and I’m not mentally ruined by 9 am . MIL has been saying it’s not fair on dh !!!! That he should have a calm drive to work not stopping off at all ?? Dh is fine to do it he doesn’t mind, hasn’t complained .

@TwinklyGreyLion is continuously being an absolute arsehole to someone who struggles making you feel proud?

Breakfast club is £5 each
After school club £10 each

They both do breakfast club every day and after school club twice a week

I think MIL needs to wind her neck in.😁

What makes you think it's any of your business?

No

Nowhere did I say it wasn’t difficult for her.

@TwinklyGreyLion why are you bullying this woman?

No
Yes
No
sometimes

Because they are a horrible person

Are you the MIL?

I think it’s very good value. They go to a good school, they get to see friends and play and they are safe and happy there . It’s good for them. It helps us to manage our circumstances. Worth every penny.

I’ve asked to move this thread to a more relevant section where people posting have ASD/ADHD as I think it might be better

I think the setup is fine if the OP's husband doesn't mind. I would be considered 'lazy' as my DH does the bulk of the housework and cooks. However, he works from home full time (in a well-paid job) and is not able to drive due to health issues. I do all the driving, work 3 days a week with quite a bit of commute and also the school runs when I'm not working. I also take the children to all their various activities and playdates. It works for us.

I think this is a little unfair.

I was completely social, independent, competent when I met my husband.

i developed an anxiety disorder during the pandemic and a couple of years ago with the development of a health condition, I struggled to work for a short period and with drop off and pick up.

My husband stepped up completely, I had an operation which was luckily successful and I’ve completely rebuilt myself back up so I do slightly more school runs and we share.

No one knows what life holds (some of my medical issues were compounded by traumatic births) but parents are a team and if Dad is physically and mentally able to take HIS children to school, why shouldn’t he?

OP sounds very self aware and has stated that she will return to work when she’s ready.

If they can afford breakfast club and children are happy and well cared for that’s what matters. And if Mum is supported that is what is best for the whole family!

Why are we still no further ahead with women should take on all the care giving and domestic tasks if they aren’t working?

She sounds like she does more than her fair share!

I understand MIL is concerned about her son but my question is rather than being unempathetic and not trying to understand mental health issues, why is she not offering more support?

I get where you are coming from. Certain situations are not for those with ADHD

Are you on medication for the ADHD

I was forced into working in an office.

Very easy work but it drove me to a nervous breakdown. 3 times
I would have to take a year off after a couple of years work. It was only when I said No more was when I started to actually live.

If you don’t have ADHD or ASD you can’t understand how what looks like a simple task can seem to others as a huge mountain.

Having ADHD (late diagnosed) I have spent my life being told how lazy I am whist the reality was I worked harder than you can imagine just to try and keep on the same level as those who are NT who think that the base line we were all at required little to no effort

If it works for you i dont see a problem. I do think that most would not be taking into account you asd/adhd which are really destructive. Your DH is a keeper.i wouldn't volunteer more to be honest. You probably will get overwhelmed.

Why is it bullying?
Lots of things in life require us finding ways of doing things that are challenging
These are CHILDREN. Their needs should come first, spending 10 hours a day at school, not having play dates, mum not going to parents evening. £90 being spent a week that could go on family holidays etc

And from every answer I don't see one ounce of OP caring at all about the impact on her children

I couldn't care less about her being a SAHM, or the DH workload or what the Mil thinks

But this OP doesn't seem to understand her children are the ones paying the price

But probably not for you because you don’t need it. I thought it was for working parents?

Do whatever works for you you and your family; don’t worry about what other people think or say. It seems you have your own mental health issues dealing with 2 kids with additional needs and your husband would rather have a healthy wife who can support with the rest.

Also, it seems your husband drives the family car so he may as well stop by the school to drop them off

For an autistic person - the organisation, the crowds, the noise, navigating traffic, the transition of handing your children over, the expectation that you might have to talk to someone and probably some other things I've missed