I gave up the school run and I feel Amazing but MIL thinks I’m lazy

[Feelsomuchbetter]

I have ASD and ADHD . I struggle a lot. The school run has been hell for me. Dh drives past the school on his way to work so 3 months ago I asked him to please take the dc instead of me doing it. He was previously leaving 10 mins before we had to now he drops dc at breakfast club a bit earlier.

I feel SO much better. I’ve been able to wean myself off AD and I’m not mentally ruined by 9 am . MIL has been saying it’s not fair on dh !!!! That he should have a calm drive to work not stopping off at all ?? Dh is fine to do it he doesn’t mind, hasn’t complained .

Posters are being sympathetic because of the magic ‘I’m ND.’

It isn’t and shouldn’t be an opt out. It doesn’t take a genius to work out that this is incredibly imbalanced and unfair.

It's a good thing then that not everyone thinks like you. Fortunately. Hopefully some others would understand how crippling depression can be - as can be, AuDHD.

There's nothing magic about being ND. It's fucking shit.

https://www.autism.org.uk/what-we-do/news/employers-recognising-autistic-potential#:~:text=Research%20has%20always%20shown%20that,autistic%20people%20in%20any%20work.

22% of autistic people work full time.

That's not a choice. It just is. It's a disabiltiy.

You wouldn't tell someone in a wheelchair to get up and walk.

Why do you think someone is 'opting out'.

Just because you don't see the disability doesn't mean to say it's not there.

Scratch that - my stats are wrong above. It's even lower.

So stop with the judgement. It really is horrific to have to battle through such constant judgement from people who have absolutely no idea what they are talking about.

it isn't called a hidden disability for nothing. Clearly.

OP neither you nor you H are responsible for how your MIL feels.

That is for her to own, her alone.

I’m aware

The more you don’t do, the more you can’t do.

you wouldn’t tell someone in a wheelchair to get up and walk

Yes and no.

Of course there are things a disability mean you can’t do.

But can’t and ‘find very difficult’ aren’t the same. In some instances it’s painful and uncomfortable to walk but it’s actually essential otherwise that ability goes.

I do see what you are saying here but sometimes you do just have to take a step back before you burn out.

Well yes but that does apply to DH as well.

Something it might be worth thinking about is loving spouses will protect their partners.

it may well be DH is not as delighted with this as he tells his wife.

At the risk of going round in circles here- if you were mindful you wouldn’t think she was a “bit” lazy. You would understand how her conditions make this difficult for her

I have anxiety and depression and am on medication for it. I still have responsibilities to my children and I wouldn't pass my responsibilities on to someone else that was already doing alot.
I understand if you find things difficult but the answer is not to opt out and make some else do it. In this situation I don't think its fair. I used to leave it till the very last minute so I could just drop and go.

Exactly. What this poster has written is diametrically opposed.

You can't call the OP lazy and be mindful at the same time.

Because if you were mindful, you'd understand that her condition impacts her enough that it's detrimental to her overall wellbeing. And therefore is not laziness.

You've tried to slur someone and then say you're being mindful.

Nope.

Can't help agreeing
To me it's a luxury not working and therefore being able to take and pick up your child

I get up at 630 dc at 7 am. They actually eat at home and prefer to just play at school (but sometimes have a second breakfast!) . After school club a couple of times a week is till 530

Did you say that DH works from home three times a week@Feelsomuchbetter ?

"To me it's a luxury not working and therefore being able to take and pick up your child"

Not if you're fucking disabled

Apt username btw

How do you afford the b’fast club on UC with one parent working?

Yes he works from home some days

Sorry I didn't finish my post
A luxury to do a school run, I worked 4 days a week and loved being able to see them run out of school to me when I could do pickup . I hated them having an extended day, but there was no choice

7.30 to 5.30 with a parent at home is nuts

And I have an autistic child, he's had to learn strategies to fit in to life

It’s not too expensive as it is run by the school not an outside company so it works out fine

Uc will pay up to 80% of childcare

730 - 530 is just 2 days not every day as the 3 days he wfh they are picked up at 320

Not in this instance OP isn’t working, she wouldn’t qualify.

Sorry OP but this is a bit mental in my view. I agree with MIL.