Chatty thread for ND mumsnetters

[whiskeyarmadillo]

I thought I'd try and start a friendly chatty thread here on the ND board. All are welcome. Bring a cuppa.

I'm whiskeyaramadillo. I'm late 40s and AuDHD. I have a ND parent and two ND children - my third DC is NT ish. I work full time and live on the western edge of London but my heart is firmly in the countryside which is where I grew up. I have one black and white cat who is my sunshine although he is in my bad books today after bringing in a mouse.

Today (Sunday) I'm sorting out my very very messy house - again. Making sure homework is done and uniforms are clean. Putting endless pants and socks in drawers. If I'm lucky I'll get to lie on the sofa and continue reading 'Wintering' by Katherine May or watch a bit of a crappy fantasy movie with a giant mug of tea.

What is everyone up to today?

That sounds a horrible thread. I hope people have reported it and it’s been taken down

No doesn't seem to be taken down

Hi,

I thought I would introduce myself. I am in my 30s diagnosed as dyslexic but am not sure that's the whole picture. I have mild hypermbility. I have just done a pgcert which I just past and studying got me thinking about neuro divergence and researching ADHD was a procrastination!

Someone on a dyslexic group suggested I could have dysgraphia.

My dyslexia assessment in my 20s showed high IQ, got 100% on visual iq section and low processing, specifically audio processing 10th percentile. Similarly low short term memory. Eg repeating back a series of digits I can do 2-3, rather than 5-7. Some of the dyslexic traits were much lower than iq but around average or slightly below average.

I'm quite socially awkward and have been diagnosed with one psychotic episode, anxiety and depression. Setrline made me not sleep and go manic. But that was about 10 years ago. Qutiapine helped with my mental health at the time when I had insomnia. I've started to wander if I have ADHD and meds could help with focus. Maybe autism, it runs in my family but I don't like routines and repetition.

I am married with kids and am terrible at housework because I'm not organised.

It's been interesting reading some of this thread. Do you have any thoughts?

There are people who have both ADHD and autism. I don’t (only have autism) so I can’t help on the ADHD side but there are online tests that might help if you take the results to the doctor and maybe physically show them why you think you have it

Housework wise, I have seen apps mentioned that help some posters but I’ve not personally used them so I can’t recommend any but would a cleaner help if you can afford it?

Welcome to the thread 🙂

I was diagnosed autistic age 50 and they wrote on my report that I met the criteria for ADHD ..I've been on the waiting list for aessment for that for while .
Definitely intend to try ADHD meds .
Antidepressants just depressed me even more I can totally understand how people end up on drugs ..my brain seems to have a mind of its own ..it's like there's me ..and my brain in a world of its own .
Housework..oh dear me...I spent years not able to do any .
But recently I bought a stand up desk calendar,one with a good bit of space in a box for each day ..I write a rota of one job a day ..so conservatory, one day , bathroom the next ,lounge another day ..I don't overwhelm myself,so like the stairs are two flights so that's two days jobs .. basically after 10 days the house looks ok ..and I feel on top of things , having only spent probably 30 minutes a day cleaning..that doesn't include, tidying,or cooking or washing..those jobs I just do each day and seem to manage ok ,it's the cleaning hoovering type jobs I seem to struggle with ..this routine works for a while ,untill I forget/ can't be bothered/ get stressed about something..but I try hard to keep to it

I go through phases of needing routine
Then phases where anything to do with a routine is totally out
Sometimes the autism is running the show and I need routine
Then ADHD takes over and all my good plans go out of the window
It's exhausting

Thanks for your input, I'm following the flylady technique which is a little and often approach, moving round areas of the house as you suggested. I tried antidepressants one time and only for a few days as they stopped me sleeping to the point of hallocinations, so a few months later the antipsychotic, qutiapine helped for sleep and anxiety.

What prompted you to get an autism diagnosis. Has it been useful in your career for reasonable adjustments, or just to understand yourself better?

I spent 30 years being put on every antidepressant possible,and they either turned me in to a zombie or I couldn't cope with the side effects or they just didn't work
No one bothered to see if it was actually depression I was experiencing
My current at the time doctor must of got so fed up of having the same conversation with me ,he actually asked some questions about my family and how long I've been like this ,and he suggested I get tested for autism and ADHD .
I was having huge mood drops which were assumed to be depression ,but turned out to meltdowns and shut downs .
Looking back it was obvious, because I'd ring the doctor,have the chat how bad my mood was and by the time the antidepressants arrived,I was feeling ok again.
But when my mood dropped it was so bad I couldn't cope with it ..hence ringing the doctors rather a lot .
Now I know it's autism,I know the mood drop will pass ,I know to try to think what set it off and I know roughly what works to get me through until it's passed .
It does make life difficult, especially as I have two diagnosed sons with autism,and other DC who haven't been diagnosed,but probably should be .
I was coping with a lot for a long time ,being undiagnosed for my whole life left me with mental health problems as well as my diagnosis

Thanks for sharing. We learn a lot about ourselves parenting. There are lots of autistic traits in my family, just one diagnosed boy, sort of cousin, but he's got nothing new. We have some people with rainnan type abilities, memorised bus timetables for a city and another can tell you the day of the week you were born when you say your birthday without pause.
I had tantrums (now called meltdowns, DH and I discuss the differences but as you can't get inside a child's head it seems unfair to decide as an adult which it is) as did all my siblings. Mine was around having my hair brushed and tied up for school mostly. Hate my hair being touched. Surprised my mum didn't cut my hair shorter, it's very thick. I worked in a nursery when I was 18 and was surprised how rare tantrums were, even in 2 year olds. Maybe children tend to save them for parents...but these kids were at home in the nursery, many started before 1. My DH seems to think our kids, particularly the 7 year old girl should be in control of her emotions and behaviour is intentional. This is dispite him working with special needs.

My mental health episodes may have been autistic shutdowns I guess. I have much better understanding and skills in managing stress now , and identifying when I need a break. So haven't had any in a while.

Looking back I can also see lots of indicators
Especially in my parents,who were utterly dreadful parents.
And couldn't cope with a child .
Now I can see they were most probably both autistic..(but also selfish thoughtless self absorbed people) but the damage was already done to our relationship.
I think I'm glad I didn't get diagnosed autistic as a child or teenager they absolutely would not of tried to help,
every thing they did made things worse .
@Alwayslearning25 are you thinking of a diagnosis.do you think it would help you

Well, im curious but I don't think a diagnosis would change much. My dyslexia diagnosis is useful, esspecaly the bit that identified an audio processing deficit. I got extra time and equipment at university. Also I could request reasonable adjustments at work on my dyslexia assessment and previous anxiety and depression. I didn't consider dyslexia as neurodivergent until recently. Further assessments might help me know myself better, but probably not much use day to day ...I do feel like I missed an opportunity when I was under a mental health team a few years ago. I was asked, do you think you could be autistic and I said no and that's as far as it got. I was diagnosed with Generalised anxiety disorder, sleep disturbance and mild depression.

My parents are great, but both have what I think of as nerdy autistic traits, but high functioning, generous, successful people. My mum is highly intelligent and had no friends at school. She does obsess about social interactions. My dad is a Dr of physics and I wander if I get my poor audio processing for him because he's often not aware of people talking to him until he is actively listening.

I had a 12 page report from the NHS after my diagnosis, explaining what they were looking for in each part and how I met the criteria
Using that it gives me a good idea of family who might be diagnosed if going for assessment
And obviously explains what I find difficult
That's when I realised my parents most probably both had autism
Neither were able to be flexible in any way,or able to be flexible in thought .it made them very difficult to live with and they clashed constantly.
I just withdrew in to myself,I already wasn't talking,or crawling or walking or reaching for things ..I was late to develop in all areas ,but she took that to mean i was an easy child for her ,so saw no problem.
I've only recently been diagnosed,so it's all pretty raw still.
I remember asking her about what I was like as baby and child ,and she described a child who very obviously wasn't developing or meeting any milestones,and actually described what I would think were learning disabilities,had someone described their child to me like that .
I remember asking her ,did she go to a doctor about me ,and she said no I was a very good baby ,she said she didn't know she had me I was so quiet.
I felt shocked and horrified that what I was hearing was very obviously a child with difficulties and she saw everything from her point of view ,just a child who made her life easier.
There's more ..like actual abuse ..but it's a long story .

Ah, that sounds tough. Maybe from her point of view of there was something wrong you'd cry. Kind of black and white. But there's more to the story My DD cried so much as a baby. My brother on the other hand was a good baby like you, but then was a biter and didn't play role play like us older girls. My mum cried to me about how she didn't push more for a diagnosis for him. Now he's 2 he's met all his milestones and is particularly advanced socially it seems to me. Compared to my eldest who also met all milestones but was advanced with puzzles and colours matching. But she didn't have humour and the high level of social understanding my little one seems to have.

It is such a huge spectrum autism.and children change and grow so quickly.
My eldest son was diagnosed age 3 and my youngest son diagnosed age 7 .
Yet both boys are completely different in so many ways ,yet as getting older do seem to have the same struggles

When my youngest was a toddler I was on the lookout for autistic traits but she met all milestones. Now my youngest (2) is making me think my oldest(7) xogetting into story books and he retells them by paraphrasing and emphasizes the emotions. My oldest had an abnormaly good attention span as a toddler and always liked books. At this age also retold them but accurately and from memory. She's in quite an emotional, stroppy stage. She learnt that read quickly, age 4. She could do 3 letter words age 3. I have read about hyperlexic on Mumsnet and she is not in that category. But I do worry about her at school as she finds it tiring and I she might struggle as a preteen, whether or not she's autistic, she's definitely an overthinker.

I can't edit anymore....'think my oldest is autistic. My youngest is getting into storybooks'

How are you all with the heat @Alwayslearning25
Do you DC cope alright with it

Urhg this heat can go away again. It’s apparently going to peak at the weekend but until then, its fans on nearly 24/7 and just keep cool the best I can

@Loobyloo9 I don't like heat, DH and I bicker more. Ds (2) doesn't sleep well in it. He likes his warm pjs and just keep getting out of bed without them. DD is ok, but she prefers cooler weather too.

Last two days have been horrendous here.
Do people really enjoy this heat
Like if you can just chill and eat ice-cream all day it might be bearable
But having normal domestic duties,in a very house ..no thanks

Hi, how are you doing.
I have been looking more into my dyslexia. I don't know if I said earlier, but I was discussing myself on a dyslexia group (I was diagnosed at university but it was suggested at infant school age). Someone suggested I could have dysgraphia. There's also subtypes of dyslexia and I don't know what mine is but I struggle with short term memory, audio processing and getting my thoughts into sentence particularly in the form of handwriting. But not really reading too much. I also have a very high IQ from my assessment, but no other very high scores.

I'm reading a supposedly controversial book called the gift of dyslexia. It's from the 90s and not sure it's a right fit for me. Might not finish reading it, or I'll at least be skeptical. What stood out is him describing disorientation. I'm terms of confusing all the senses and going into a panic. Made me think of the term sensory overload. I got that a bit this morning when I was trying to keep in my head the couple of small tasks I needed to do before leaving, taking painkillers in the kitchen for a headache. There was hedge trimming happening, ds saying mummy, mummy, DD playing a toy instrument. DH said something and turned the tap on and that tipped me over the edge and I went outside saying everyone is too loud.

I put some earbuds in and my headache just disappeared.

That book sounds interesting
I'm not sure I'd call dyslexia a gift ,just me personally I mean.

I think there are certain skills dyslexia can bring but there often hard to access with the surface level processing difficulties it brings. For me it's as much as a gift as it is a difficulty, neither I'm comftable with, I just have different skills. In the same way a gifted child is often autistic and special needs don't feel so special.

Anyone up ,I can't sleep.bad anxiety