Chatty thread for ND mumsnetters

[whiskeyarmadillo]

I thought I'd try and start a friendly chatty thread here on the ND board. All are welcome. Bring a cuppa.

I'm whiskeyaramadillo. I'm late 40s and AuDHD. I have a ND parent and two ND children - my third DC is NT ish. I work full time and live on the western edge of London but my heart is firmly in the countryside which is where I grew up. I have one black and white cat who is my sunshine although he is in my bad books today after bringing in a mouse.

Today (Sunday) I'm sorting out my very very messy house - again. Making sure homework is done and uniforms are clean. Putting endless pants and socks in drawers. If I'm lucky I'll get to lie on the sofa and continue reading 'Wintering' by Katherine May or watch a bit of a crappy fantasy movie with a giant mug of tea.

What is everyone up to today?

Hi, I've got up early, couldn't get back to sleep but not anxious myself. How are you doing?

Had a bit of sleep,about an hour ,I'm up now ,got shopping to do ,..now I feel I could properly sleep.. typical

@Loobyloo9 how are you feeling now? At least you got a bit of sleep and if you can’t face the shopping, maybe you could go tomorrow or get an online slot either delivery or click and collect

Im ok thanks @JewelleryCat .
I do use on line shopping
But I find it's better to force myself out , because I get stuck in a rut of not going out if I'm not careful
How are you ?

I'm feeling better thankyou for asking how are you @Alwayslearning25

I’m ok thank you and yes, I understand about being stuck in a rut. Did going out today help?

I guess ,thanks .been having counselling,well CBT ,and she keeps sending me info on agoraphobia..and every week I have to fill in a questionnaire about agoraphobia.
She's never come out and actually said anything..other than we should think about pushing forward for a diagnosis...which I assumed at the time she meant for ADHD
I actually thought at first agoraphobia was arachnophobia ...so that was very confusing as I'd not even mentioned my hatred of spiders

Story of my life ,never speaking to clarify anything.i can think what needs to be said ..but never manage to put it in to words ,and the moment has gone and nothing clarified

Could you write in a notebook what you want to say then show the therapist if getting the words out is too difficult? I’m the same with spiders, absolutely hate them. I find peppermint oil can help, I do that around the house every few days

I wonder why she’s never come out and said anything directly about the agoraphobia because surely that would be helpful instead of a questionnaire every week about it

Who knows ..maybe she makes everyone do one

This is a nice thread. As you can see from the time, I’m not sleeping as busy brain due to events earlier.
Parent of adult child with autism - nowadays he’d be considered higher functioning, I can’t keep up with what’s current in terms of types of autism as it seems to change every few years. When he was diagnosed at 3 he’d have fit ‘active but odd’. I found out when I finally got a diagnosis last year that apparently mine is Level 1, which is frankly meaningless to me if Im honest. I didn’t have the same difficulties as him as a child but I didn’t have any global delay, whereas he definately does struggle with many aspects of daily living skills (although he is living independently). Mine is mainly social/ relationships/sensory.
There really weren’t that many accessible books about when he was diagnosed. I think. I read all 8 I could find in the borough libraries and that was it, I was rocking up to all the appointments you have to go to with more knowledge than the people I was going to see. Thankfully that didn’t last forever and there has been some fantastic research in the last 30 years. Anyway, that’s me.

Same here ,I was diagnosed after two of my DC were
Adult DC with autism living at home ..been a rough ride tbh ..I couldn't go through it again

Welcome @NattyKnitter116 and yes, this is a lovely quiet thread. I keep forgetting it’s here actually until someone posts which is a bit oops in a way. Yes, it’s very confusing, all the labels now for autism and they should have left the labels alone. I don’t even know what level 1 means

Hi @NattyKnitter116. I'm doing ok @loopy. Sorry for the late reply. My husband who works in a special needs school has said, 'oh yeah you definitely have ADHD know I know more about it and how girls present' . A colleges separately mentioned it, has her son has just been diagnosed. I think the exhaustion of 2 small children and choosing to do a pgcert was what brought everything to the surface.

I'm recovering from that to be honest. The other evening just lay in bed when my son napped from 3-5ish, might have napped. I don't drink much but had a g+t yesterday and it made me feel much more relaxed at home. I still am considering gp for my mental health but not sure.

My daughter 7 is very similar to me. She's very bright and not dyslexic like my though, maybe more like my sister or mum who went to Cambridge. My son is 3 and makes me wander if DD is autistic. As he just gets social cues really well. He also is recently developing an attention span whereas my daughter well before 3, I think from 18 months could sit with a sticker book, jigsaw or hamma beads. I went on a gifted children Facebook page but It didn't resonate with it for my daughter.

My kids have both got cold and my DD fractured her arm... there's always something.

I am planning on doing an internet detox so may not be back for a while.

Didn’t realise this hadn’t been posted on since October otherwise I would’ve posted earlier. How is everyone, did everyone have a nice Halloween if you do it? I don’t and how is November going so far? It’s been quite mild here but getting colder and it’s also raining on and off too

I've got a second lot of counselling on Friday
I really didn't enjoy the first one
I'm starting to think bad memories are best forgotten and it's best to move on ,not keep raking over the past that no one can change .
Plus my memories are shaky ,and the counsellor can ask my DH ,my dad my mum if what I'm saying is true if I have remembered it correctly.
Plus I'm not convinced she understands autism...but does she need to ???

Can't ask
Not can

@Loobyloo9 could you see another counsellor? This one doesn’t sound great. Regarding the past, yes we can’t change it but we can come to accept the past which is maybe what the counsellor is trying to do. Can the counsellor ask your parents and husband about the memories with your permission?

Ones dead ,one has dementia and one wouldn't agree .
I need to make a decision today if I'm cancelling
I don't think asking to see a different one will help ..im still going to be discussing the same things
Thanks for the reply though

regardless of which decision you made, I know from my own and my sons separate experience with psychotherapy (not counselling I know) that it took quite a few sessions to get to a point where we felt it was worth it.
Oddly we both almost got the point of cancelling as didn’t feel it was going anywhere then made breakthroughs and loads of progress.
for me, It really helped me accept and deal with stuff that happened in the past and the present that I can’t change in relation to some members of my family by helping me identify their behaviour patterns. (ie: was suggested one relative is a gatekeeper. This fit very well and now when the relative does their thing, instead of getting wound up I can just think ‘ah she’s gate keeping again” and deal with it in a dispassionate way. I wish I learnt this years ago! )
I had 15 sessions then decided ,to take a break for an unspecified amount of time. I may or may not need it again in the future, depending on what comes to pass with my family and how I cope with it.

On the whole I’m coping with them a lot better. I’ve been low contact for the last year and only had contact where necessary. Things have slightly increased due to some family medical issues but I am able to ‘see’ what the most troublesome family member is doing now, although even via text it still takes ups time avoiding her traps (I only communicate by text, I wouldn’t entertain a phone-call or visit unless there is a specific purpose and then I make sure my partner is with me).

I agree with what others have said though, it may be that you would be better with someone different. Although my son thought this for the first ten sessions In reality the psychotherapist was really skilled at getting him to where he needed to be to face the real issues in his life. He may take a break to consolidate things, and of course he may or may not go back.
i was told years ago that it helps to have a goal in mind when you embark on this kind of thing. Which is why the first session of psychotherapy I had in my 20’s didn’t help me. I was chemically depressed and in a situation I couldn’t see a way out of, plus she was (I’ve since found out) a classic psychoanalyst so just sat there and said nothing. I didn’t go back after the first session and carried on thinking any kind of therapy was a waste of time, spending 20 years on AD’s (not knocking them, they let me ‘do life’ really well and certainly dampened my sensory stuff).

Anyone you see does need to be a person who is either ND themselves of ND aware (in a non judgemental way. Used to see a lot of ‘you’re broken because you’re autistic’ people causing more damage years ago).

I spoke to a mental health professional the other day (in relation to someone else I was supporting) who said he didn’t think the Autism was really the issue but overlying distress from MH problems that this person has never had properly diagnosed and had zero support for.

Personally I think that without the underlying autism she wouldn’t still be stubbornly bouncing back and keeping on.
Maybe the superglue tenacity that comes with autism masks the MH because we don’t break as quickly?
I’m not saying that’s a good thing but I think it may be a thing. I’ve heard so much about people on the spectrum being less able to deal with MH issues. Apart from some exceptions my experience of myself and others has been the opposite. Oops wandered off a bit there. Apologies if I have typed anything anyone considers guff. I know how controversial the field of MH and autism can be!

Thankyou for your reply @NattyKnitter116 ..I appreciate you taking the time to write such a thoughtful response xx
I did go back and have the second session,and I'm glad I did .
It was exhausting and I'm not enjoying it ...but am I supposed to ,I suspect not .
We shall see where it goes ..but I'm a lot less stressed than I was last week .
But my anxiety is very bad again
So if anyone has any tips on managing anxiety I'd be glad of them

Anxiety wise, something lighthearted on tv or a lighthearted or funny movie can help. If you craft, that can also help like diamond art, colouring etc so your mind is focused elsewhere. Mindfulness if you’re into that, music too can help depending on the genre you like

I e got some tarot cards that you colour in ..random gift years ago ..I could get them out ..thankyou

Hello everyone. Haven't posted for a while but I've been reading your updates.

@Loobyloo9 I'm glad you went back. I think it's generally good to talk, even if it can sometimes feel that it's raking over old ground. Because we tend to build up and build up stuff inside our heads. And it needs bleeding occasionally, like a radiator.

Anxiety wise, distraction is good. Like JewelryCat said, anything that holds your attention away from your worries.

I've never been particularly anxious on the surface but I'm finding menopause is wreaking absolute havoc and ended up with an urgent appointment (impossible to get in my surgery) for suspected heart trouble last week. It wasn't a heart issue, I think it may have been my first ever panic attack 😔

Hi,
I've just done the ahdh screening tool and got "the patient has symptoms highly consistent with ADHD in adults and further investigation is warranted" I've been putting off going to the GP for mental health since the summer when I know it's not been good and I lose my temper. I have been thinking it because of news about ADHD not being well treated on NHS. Making me think I want to get in there with an adult assessment before it's too late. Last year I studied and looked more into dyslexia, which I have and discovered ADHD is often paired with it, and treatable, unlike dyslexia.

Previously I've been on qutiapine which was helpful for anxiety