To think that this isn’t lazy ? We all have different limits

[Alldifferent]

I was talking to my mum today and she asked what my plans were this week and I said what we did yesterday and what we are doing today and tomorrow and how thu fri sat sun will be doing nothing as I need downtime after 3 busy days . She is fully aware I have limitations due to having ASD and she piped up with ‘you’re not helping yourself with that lazy attitude ! Your get up and go has got up and gone !’

I tried to explain even though I don’t really think I should have to and she said ‘well me and your father often say we are still funding your life as we still work ! ‘ I’ve tried in the past to explain about ‘spoons’ but she always gets irritated and says ‘less talking about CUTLERY might help! You always did prefer inanimate objects to people! ‘ 🤦‍♀️

Im not lazy ??!! If my own parents are this openly judgemental to my face I hate to think what’s said behind my back.

I ask this question genuinely (because I'm not ND - although I totally understand the concept of being burned out by work, or finding environments energy-sapping and intense):

What would happen if people who feel like this just from going to the supermarket had to experience physical or emotional difficulty? Like a war, or natural disaster, or experiencing the traumatic death of a family member? Is there any research on how ND people coped when we had to e.g. use outside toilets, grow our own foods, or walk miles to work in a factory for 12 hours? Or how they cope in environments where people still have to do this?

Yes I booked for all of us me included and with the journey it took ages

I’ve asked for this to moved to SN area

There is this though :
https://www.who.int/publications/i/item/9789240015128

A 7 & 9 year old won't be getting moderate or strenuous physical activiy in the back garden.

Her DC may not want all that social interaction….
And a stage of feeling you don’t want to do much is nothing like a person who simply cannot do much.

Ah yes so it wasn't the OP who said it. This poster obviously couldn't show us OP saying it because it wasn't OP who said it. Even though apparently it's in the thread there for everyone to see 🤣

My GP often tells me to use spoon theory as o have a chronic pain condition so I understand. The trick is trying to pace yourself and when you have kids you don't have the luxury of having days doing nothing. I know a man who has the same condition and his doing nothing is staying in bed all day and his wife does everything. Some of us don't have the luxury of doing that and have to power through, it just makes for neverending fatigue, brain fog and pain. The only way I manage it is by pacing myself. In instances where you can't it's fine to take a few days to try and get yourself back on track.

As a child I used to hate going to places. My absolute favourite thing to do was to hang out at home, play with my siblings, read books and watch tv. It’s absolutely fine and good for kids to do this stuff and the OP’s kids will not be suffering. I don’t know how anyone can look round the average soft play with all the screaming and shouting and be like “anyone who doesn’t take their kids here on a regular basis is a shit parent”. Also I hated, absolutely hated holiday clubs and any form of organised fun.

The ignorance around autism is astounding.
It's strange how there's a stereotype of autistic people not having empathy but it's usually NT people who can't understand how anyone would experience life differently from them. Is it really so hard to understand people have different energy levels and different capabilities, are overwhelmed by different things to different levels and have different coping strategies.

They run about , they have swings and a slide trampoline and ball games etc if very hot we have a paddling pool etc they always get hot and sweaty

Honestly, just don't engage with them so much. If they ask what you are up to, just be easy-breezy "typical week" or whatever- you don't have to account for your days to them.

FWIW I think the spoons analogy is one that quite a lot of people find unhelpful (just as many others find it helpful) so I wouldn't bother trying to explain it that way again.

I've never heard of spoons in that context.
Maybe you need to explain it in a different way as it's not the best analogy in the world.
But of course you're not lazy. If you can't work then you can't work. She doesn't sound especially supportive. I'd just try and keep contact to a minimum. Or just literally say 'I'm not having you calling me lazy. It's hurtful and not true.' firmly then move the convo on.

Depends on the back garden and what's in it! Mine spent hours at that age alternating between the trampoline, the climbing frame and having water fights.

I've never seen such shitty posts
There is nothing wrong with being at home with a garden, toys, films, and a loving parents plus OP hasn't said that friends don't come over and join them

I don't have DC and often don't leave the house for a week, it is what it is. When I can exercise then do so (at home)
I've lost friends because I have cancelled socialising and now I see why

Sorry to see a lot of ignorant comments on here as well as from your parents, that's the danger of AIBU. It's full of trolls and people you wouldn't want to meet irl.

As for your parents if they are religious tell them you think Jesus would want them to be less judgemental.

Are you always so judgemental about people with a disability or health condition?

You won't get much understanding here as most people here are NT, but I totally understand op. I lost jobs in the past because once my energy is gone it's gone and forcing myself to keep doing stuff will just end in burnout (which I am currently in).

Sadly most people will never understand this

It’s not lazy, it’s managing a disability.
autistic burn out is real.

Well that sounds great if you are all happy with 4 days in, it doesn't really affect anyone else....

I am sorry that there are so many horrible people on this thread.

You sound like you are doing well - you have three kids and you have learned to understand how to manage your health and wellbeing. I would see less of your parents though as they sound awful.

I have a teen DD with ASD and ADHD and I totally understand the need for downtime. Surround yourself with understanding people, I could not ever imagine speaking to my DD the way that your parents speak to you.

Depends on the back garden, surely?

They could be…depends what they’re doing. A trampoline, or a swing set, or doing cartwheels, playing tag, a bit of friendly wrestling, set up badminton or a netball hoop….

Conditions and disabilities aside there is nothing wrong with some downtime. After a very busy 5 weeks I have no plans for DS next week, I am WFH so he will have to entertain himself, which after a busy month he will appreciate. Not every minute of every day needs to be planned, it does kids good to have to use their own imaginations a bit, although I won't lie there will be some screens involved ha.

OP, I wouldn't bother explaining anything to your parents anymore. Don't volunteer such information, and be vague when asked. They clearly don't understand neurodiversity (like many of those commenting here), and it sounds like they don't want to either.

But I understand you. I have ADHD, and both my twins are autistic, one also has profound learning disabilities and often uses a wheelchair. We all get overstimulated by too many busy days. And for us, a busy day is one that involves leaving the house, especially as I don't drive.
Like you, a trip to the dentist is an event. Prepping the kids, taking a train and a bus (with one DS in his wheelchair), trying to get the kids to comply, and then the journey back... That's several hours and all my mental energy gone.

After a few days of doing stuff, we're all overwhelmed and fed up and need a couple of days indoors of existing quietly without any demands or interactions with other people. It's just the way it is with us.

So many judgemental people on this thread...

I have had chronic fatigue all my life and I am neurodivergent.

This is what it means in practice:

• If I go out to meet a friend, I can only sustain a conversation for about an hour before I feel completely drained. Then takes me an entire day to recover from this type of outing. It was the same thing when I was in my 20s and it meant I have never had a normal social life
• I only have a few hours everyday when I can really be active and get things done. I am literally exhausted by 4pm and need to seat down after that. So I never go out in the evening
• Most of my weekends are spent at home
• I can work but only part time as I need so much time to recover from a full work day. I can't book back to back meetings because I can't sustain the energy
• Everything I do requires additional and careful planning as I struggle with public transport and noisy/crowded environment.

So I completely get it OP.

Your mother comment is just really ignorant and unpleasant. You can't magically change your body and mind to meet her standards if you have physical and mental health issues that restrict the amount of activities you can do and the amount of energy you have.

It always amazes me how some people just don't seem to grasp that other people might have genuine limitations.