To think that this isn’t lazy ? We all have different limits

[Alldifferent]

I was talking to my mum today and she asked what my plans were this week and I said what we did yesterday and what we are doing today and tomorrow and how thu fri sat sun will be doing nothing as I need downtime after 3 busy days . She is fully aware I have limitations due to having ASD and she piped up with ‘you’re not helping yourself with that lazy attitude ! Your get up and go has got up and gone !’

I tried to explain even though I don’t really think I should have to and she said ‘well me and your father often say we are still funding your life as we still work ! ‘ I’ve tried in the past to explain about ‘spoons’ but she always gets irritated and says ‘less talking about CUTLERY might help! You always did prefer inanimate objects to people! ‘ 🤦‍♀️

Im not lazy ??!! If my own parents are this openly judgemental to my face I hate to think what’s said behind my back.

Op, only you can know whether you are lazy or coping. Noone else lives in your body. I agree it is extra horrible when the judgement comes from your own parents though.

I lived my whole life with judgements around the time I had to spend resting, including from family and my now ex. And being dismissed by GPs. Only to find out I have a neuromuscular junction disorder that gets worse with activity and rest and pacing is vital to it. I now realise I wasn't lazy I was actually pushing through symptoms to a level that was harmful. I don't give a hoot what others think about me now, their judgements were based on ignorance.

I am sorry your parents are crap about this.

@Alldifferent youre dealing with too many idiots here OP, suggest you post in the health topics for guidance on pacing.

Lazy, Christ sake, in the politest of terms, fdod, clearly utterly clueless about ND.

OP, I am part of a neurodiverse family and YANBU. It’s not just laziness. I can be lazy, but being lazy and needing downtime are 2 different things.

A lot of ignorance here, 62, mid stage Parkinson’s unable to work, I get very nasty aches, very tired too.
can’tgo out more than once a day, just cat and I, it is what it is, no cure no real” treatments

I totally understand. You are a better parent because you take the relax time you need.
Kids actually need relax days too. Playing in the garden, painting, reading etc all sound great and they have each other for company. You sound like you are doing a great job. A day at home with kids is not doing nothing anyway, there's cooking, cleaning, playing etc
People do have different energy levels and your parents should respect that. Some people find it very hard to understand differences in others unfortunately. I am a bit of a homebody and love home days too, my kids are the same.

I think less engaging with them, it's not like you are sitting down doing nothing surely? There's always tidying, washing, sorting, cleaning, gardening and bits I assume you're doing? You're not asleep or sitting on the sofa watching TV for 4 days straight? I get that a day with appointments for kids with the travel etc is probably overwhelming. So tell your parents IF they bug you, you're not doing nothing, you're just not doing "anything in particular", and need to catch up on house chores/life admin etc. Unless you are sitting on your arse doing nothing in which case I'm with them 😜

You’re fine op, and 4 days playing in the garden and doing art sounds ace for the kids.
I used to have to get 2 buses to the dentist too and it’s very time consuming!
I wish more people would value letting their kids just play out at/ near home. Nowadays people seem to think if they are not off doing a day trip ( in a mahoosive car) then they are somehow letting their children down. Far from it.
My 80s childhood we probably did a trip out about once a month, if that. The rest of the time we were left to our own devices.

They sound terrible OP and unfortunately you’re on a hiding to nothing on here with regard to being lazy.

You sound like an overwhelmed mum alongside your various health issues, who recognises this, and plans your week accordingly and why not.. Sounds like your doing a good job for yourself and your kids 😊

are you outside playing with them?

My ND Dd refused point blank to do lots of exercise. In that stubborn way only an ND kid can.

Shes 18 and fine now.

I'm the same.

I don't do nothing when we have nothing days - I have children so usual cooking, cleaning, making sure they're ok. But I can't plan any activities or do more than just 'chill' in the house if we've had a busy couple of days.

I have adhd and burnout very easily. The mental preparation of even going to the supermarket sometimes can wipe me out.

Bloody hell, people are judgemental!

I don’t have any chronic illness (although pending ADD assessment) and I need a day of “nothingness” to recover from busy days. I work ft, a single mum with a 5 year old. My spoons are different, but I’ve definitely experienced the feeling of burnout from not giving myself enough days of downtime. I learnt the hard way because it takes a long time to recover from.

Op, you know how you need to live your life in order to cope and survive. Your children get taken to appointments and get days out- so don’t worry. Do what you need to do and don’t bother letting other people get you down. Other people will never understand what it’s like to be you, so take pride in what you can do rather than dwelling on what you don’t do.

I believe we should as a society support those who are not capable of work but If you can manage 3 or 4 days out every week like you say yourself, and your kids are school age, I am not sure I think the state should be financially supporting you to not work in this case.

Spoon theory is quite a well known theory of how to manage chronic illness. Essentially it’s to get across the idea that not everyone has the same energy reserves and some activities take a much greater amount of energy for some than others.

You mean on the trampoline?

What does that have to do with anything?

Won’t they have each other to play with if the OP needs to rest up - the benefit of having siblings and all that

I sit on the garden chairs in the shade if all 3 out there as my 3 year old needs supervision . If the older 2 are playing and 3 y o indoors watching a film or painting etc I sit inside

no I was actually worrying about the paddling pool

Good god, I can't keep up with all the comments so I wanted to say if you have no experience of neurodiversity then please don't embarrass yourself by commenting, it's disgraceful. OP is not lazy she's keeping herself from burning out and destroying herself. She is being sensible, grown-up and looking after her children.

👏🏻

So many people on here who don't understand neurodiversity :(

You're not being unreasonable at all OP. My adult DS is AUDHD and quickly gets burnt out after busy days and needs lots of recovery time. This is the same for every neurodivergent person I know.

It sounds like you're a great Mum. There's nothing wrong with a few days at home doing your own thing, DC playing, etc. In fact, I think many DC would benefit from having more downtime and being allowed to just play at home.

If the pool is out I stay with them

Existing as ND in an NT world is exhausting. It can be a fine line between avoiding burnout and being lazy.

I have multiple chronic illnesses so I completely get this if I do anything I need recovery days it's not being lazy it's the reality of illness. I work part time as I can but I can't do much of anything else. I think questions arise from others when people claim they can't work but then have a full social life. I don't particularly get that side of things from people as I do the boring stuff like work but am to ill to do anything fun like holidays, nights out, concerts ect. My life outside of a part time job consists of multiple hospital appointments most weeks and sleeping. So it really depends on what your life is like