NTs and their need to comment.

[ofwarren]

Even disclaimers at the top of my posts don't stop them from commenting! Why would you do this?
I'd never dream of going and commenting on the Black Mumsnetters board and trying to join in their conversations as I have absolutely no clue what they deal with. I read their board and take in what they say and that's it.

I just want time to communicate with others like me, is that too much to ask?

It's when there's an underlying message of "we all do x, y, z, why don't you just try harder and you'll be properly behaved people just like we are?"

I’m also not appreciating the NTs coming on asking for opinions on their ND spouses.

We’re not an NT resource, we’re an ND support

Some of them are really quite unaware of how entitled they are.

And re undiagnosed - totally welcome though I don’t appreciated the “I’ve self diagnosed but I’m not going for assessment as I don’t need a label and I manage just fine”. As that completely minimises what we go through. But undiagnosed absolutely - we have all been there and it’s a tough tough time.

We’re not an NT resource, we’re an ND support

I agree with this. I'm not liking the threads where people come on to moan about their spouse and ask advice. Just because the spouse is ND doesn't mean that we automatically know what to do. ND isn't a tick box medical diagnosis, it's a neurotype and everyone is an individual.

I have a child with asd and I’ve often wanted to post on here as I suspect I have asd as well but I can now see that wouldn’t be welcomed, so I won’t.

@RedCandyApple there are other MN areas to ask advice in. This area isn't intended as a child focused advice place. I understand that we might be viewed as a useful resource, but this area is for us to kick back and discuss how ND affects our lives.

Yes that’s fine I’m happy to post elsewhere, I use the sn board it’s just very very quiet so never usually get a response. I won’t post on here again.

If you look at the types of threads already here you can see what sort of things we discuss and join in, but if it's a 'my ND child/spouse does x what should I do?' then it's going to be very wearing.

Yes that’s fine I’m happy to post elsewhere, I use the sn board it’s just very very quiet so never usually get a response. I won’t post on here again

I accept that, but that's not our responsibility. Perhaps post your concern in Chat instead.

This place is for ND adults not another SN advice resource.

If I had a question about racism I wouldn't feel it would be appropriate to ask it in the Black MN area. That's their area to relax and do their own thing. I'd respect their space.

@BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation

If I had a question about racism I wouldn't feel it would be appropriate to ask it in the Black MN area. That's their area to relax and do their own thing. I'd respect their space.

Yes, it would be very detrimental if the board turned into: 'I'm ND - Ask Me Anything'.

@SickAndTiredAgain

What about undiagnosed? I’ve suspected for many years I’m not NT, and relate to so much of this board but am never sure if it’s my place to comment as I’m not “officially” ND.

I shall say it again: There a difference between "I think I'm ND because I am on the waiting list/my child is autistic and I am similar to them" and joining in to "I'm self diagnosed and "mansplaining" how we are doing autism all wrong" posters.

Lots of people have welcomed the genuine first sort of posters, more than once, on different threads.

Sometimes though some posters want to compare with those who have finished the diagnostic process cos we need certainty.

@RedCandyApple

Try SN chat for advice on your child. Or the goose and carrot. There's free gin there too.

I have a child with asd and I’ve often wanted to post on here as I suspect I have asd as well but I can now see that wouldn’t be welcomed, so I won’t.
If its about you and your suspected nd, you would be welcomed, people have said this lots about people pondering their nd. This thread is not about those people.
If it's about your child there is the sn children and teens subforum that would be a better avenue for those specific questions.

@Scautish that was my stance - I don't need a label. I absolutely did not mean to offend. Truth be told, I'm to scared to go for assessment.
I did read on here someone said something along the lines of it not being a label, as labels are for jam jars. I loved that line.
Anyway, I am very grateful for this board and the heads up with various things. People have been very welcoming and I feel safer here than the other boards

We’re not an NT resource, we’re an ND support board

Absolutely - and I would add to that 'for adults'.

There are many, many places online where parents of ND children can find support - vanishingly few for adults, particularly women.

It is not my role in life to be another individual's emotional support human.

I have Autism although do not tell people unless they need to know. I attended a special needs school as a child so have a formal diagnosis. I had severe verbal processing delays until my mid-20’s. Life was really really hard until, for some reason, that began to change.

I can be too blunt in my writing due to social communication difficulties. I posted here on a thread with the assumption that I didn’t need to ND qualify. And I was given short shrift, especially because I don’t care to disclose my diagnosis and don’t like being called Autistic.

I made the stupid assumption that I might be given some leeway for my apparently insulting plain speak. Instead it was assumed that I was another NT doing the equivalent of “mansplaining” here.

I am not NT and stupidly assumed that posting on the ND board kind of meant that I might be given the benefit of the doubt of being ND.

I lurk on some threads because I find them helpful.

As for parents posting here asking for help / support with their ND children - I’ve read quite a few posts of ND MNer saying why don’t the NTs as us about their ND children. And that makes sense - maybe the ND MNers mean ask anywhere but on our ND board? Like ask in chat or something.

I do have a tendency to explain things to people that they already know and sometimes people find this insulting- it’s exactly what happened here. And so even though I think I was asked to leave and I did, I do have autism. So I am one of the assumed NT pile-on people who actually wasn’t.

Anyway, good luck with this board and future supporting each other. Seems to be a very good thing for some of ND people.

Completely agree with this. I’ve noticed it a lot. And so many posting about their children etc in response to a post. Completely inappropriate and I agree about the comparison with the Black MN board.
It’s not enough that we are ND in a NT world, the NT invade this board with their opinions or even worse just to observe us like some zoo exhibit. This is meant to be a safe space but there are always a minority of people that can’t help chipping in with their opinion about everything. It’s so self absorbed and inconsiderate

If NT people want to ask about their ND children they can do this in Chat where other NT parents will reply and be happy to educate them. I don't think the ND area should be used as an educational resource because it clutters the place up with irrelevant threads.

If someone doesn't say they're ND then we're not to know and that's not our fault. We can no more be expected to be virtuous and long sufferingly tolerant than the NTs, who definitely aren't.

If someone doesn't say they're ND then we're not to know and that's not our fault. We can no more be expected to be virtuous and long sufferingly tolerant than the NTs, who definitely aren't.

True. I agree.

Except as a rule-bound ND person, I wouldn’t post on, for example, the Scots MN board unless I said Tom my post that I don’t live in Scotland. I guess I assumed that posters on the ND board would be assumed to be ND unless they said otherwise - because I like to “follow the rules” and posting on a board that I don’t qualify for would be like breaking a rule to me. That may be unusual for ND people, I don’t know.

@RedCandyApple

I have a child with asd and I’ve often wanted to post on here as I suspect I have asd as well but I can now see that wouldn’t be welcomed, so I won’t.

I'm undiagnosed but suspected as well, and I don't see anything wrong with you posting here - not about your child, but about you, as I think that's how a lot of people realised they could be ND, when their children were being diagnosed or they were finding ways to support their issues. People focusing on telling you to post elsewhere for child related support and it's not their problem to solve etc may be missing part of the point that you were interested because of your own potential asd.

I have only lurked here before, but I'm not at all sure I'd do it again, as I find people quite fierce and 'them' and 'us', which doesn't really fit for what I need for support, though I can see it is helpful for some.

I've noticed quite a few threads from this board coming up in active just lately, I'll have to come back and have a read. Currently in the process of waiting for a diagnosis so I might find there's a lot I identify with.

All piling on redcandyapple when they said nothing about asking for advice re their child, they said they thought of posting because they wonder if they too have asd.

Right at the top of trending, right now, is the below posted by the mother of a son with ASD.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4487549-Taking-my-loud-Autistic-son-abroad

Stuff like this is why we need our own ND Adult space, where we're not treated as an inconvenience or told we're "spoiling things" for other people because we are the way we are.

NT people posting in these boards huffing and puffing don't have to put up with this bullshit all the time - with other people wondering if you are welcome out in public with everyone else.

@Northernshepherd

All piling on redcandyapple when they said nothing about asking for advice re their child, they said they thought of posting because they wonder if they too have asd.

Yes that’s fair.

I think some posters speed read your post @RedCandyApple and didn’t get as far as you saying you suspected you were yourself on the spectrum. I think they just saw the first bit about your diagnosed child and replied to that.

Lots of us here were diagnosed in adulthood and so have gone through the “suspecting” phase. I’m sure nobody would mind you asking for advice for yourself here. It’s the NT invasions that are grating.