Neurodiversity support thread for women with suspected, diagnosed or self-diagnosed autism, ADHD and other NDs #18

[PolterThreadStarter]

As usual, latest support thread.

Welcome

It's quite interesting isn't it? My daughter also has dyspraxia. I don't have any of those things but my Aspergers does cause day to day problems.

Hi all.
Is it OK if I join?
I have asd and got a formal diagnosis this year.
Had no idea this topic existed never mind this thread.

Of course you can join! Welcome!

Hope it’s ok if I jump in as well! I’ve just had an assessment which confirmed what I have thought for a while, that I have ASD. I’m going to get a formal diagnosis soon, but haven’t organised it yet. After initially feeling pleased that what I suspected was in fact right, I’m now feeling rather adrift. I’ve been re-examining my whole life in light of what I now know, and while it’s reassuring to know a lot of what’s been going wrong hasn’t been my fault, as such, I’m now feeling really gloomy. Like, nothing’s ever going to be any different, so what’s the point? Has anyone found that tailored therapy has improved things for them? (I’m talking mainly social interaction here). Or am I always going to be the one on the periphery, watching people have fun…

I think if the relationship is good that therapy can help.
It helps because it's someone who sees the good in you and reminds you of it and challenges you when you're dwelling on negative stuff.
Knowing you can sustain that one relationship can mean that when others go awry you might not blame yourself as much.
That's one advantage I can think of.

When I had my assessment it brought up a lot of really painful memories and thoughts about myself I had internalised so much I hadn't really consciously thought about them in decades.

That would be another thing you could talk about with a therapist.

Lots aren't too great around asd though. I had dance and movement therapy and that was fab. She had no training on asd but was able to work with what I brought in a very energizing way.

THat's interesting to hear about the therapy, thanks! I have had various therapies in the past (not for ASD) and yes, it really does depend on the therapist, I will definitely take that into account.

Yes, I found that with the assessment as well. I had it in the morning and was so exhausted I slept all afternoon!

Yes, I have started to remember all those aspie socially embarrassing moments and would quite like to go and hide under something.

I really should write them down.

Can I join in please? I'm right at the start of diagnosis and I... I'm feeling very muddled, I guess?

Hi

I see this thread has gone very quiet, but I just wanted to say thank you for people posting here, it has been good to be able to read other peoples experience and realise that I am not alone in being a late diagnosis.

Two days ago I got a formal diagnosis of ASD. I had thought beforehand that I would be relieved, but actually it was just more of a "yeah I knew that" feeling. I have known for so long that it is no way a surprise. But I am very glad that I went for formal diagnosis, as it validates it for other people. My mum was not expecting me to get the diagnosis, as she has never seen anything wrong, she tells me that she could see it in my son, and another cousin's child, but not in me. However my husband and sister both say that my son and I both struggle to the same degree, and both need support to the same extent, so I guess my mum just has a great way of "looking through a pair of rose-tinted spectacles" as the saying goes.

I am going to be selective of who I tell and when, most people will not need to know, but there are a few for whom it will be necessary, and a few who might find it easier to understand why I need space sometimes.

AprilSeptember - the thread has gone very quiet recently, I am not sure how many people will respond here, but I have popped in occasionally to get support or to express my thoughts. I would encourage you to just take your time working through all the thoughts. Put them here if it helps. I am glad that I went for diagnosis.

I'm new to this thread. Is good to read through and I'm glad so many of you are getting useful diagnoses.

I'm going to see if I can read through the thread a bit, am wondering about seeing the GP about ADHD.

DS got a diagnosis a few years ago and I wonder about myself. I've just written out a long list of things about myself and it jumps out that I'm very self critical, I overthink and am in an internal panic about being wrong most of the time, I don't know if that's something relevant or if it's just the thing that's stopping me from even asking in the first place.

I'm not sure either of I could put myself through years of going through an adult diagnosis process.

glad you got your diagnosis confirmation.

I need to google private diagnoses for adults in the midlands. any recommendations?

Thanks, I will have a look. I already have a referral for the NHS. it just atakes a long while.

It’s almost a year since I got diagnosed, how weird.
I went private through Lorna Wing, although I went to my GP first.
I’m not sure about the NHS waiting times in my area. I was lucky in that my parents were able to pay, so many people can’t afford it (particularly LW which was £1900!!!)
Even when I went through them, I’d been told (when I applied in October 2017) that I’d have to wait six months, so my assessment would’ve been in April this year. It was only because of a cancellation that I got seen so quickly.

I still kind of need to see my GP for counselling, mainly for self-esteem and anxiety problems. I’ve thought of myself as “different” for so long, that nobody would want to befriend me, I still find it hard to talk to people. Not just that, I also have anxiety over other areas. Now that I have this diagnosis I need to discuss it with someone who isn’t my mother; she’s been so good throughout the whole thing, but it’d probably be useful if I talked to a professional I didn’t know, IYSWIM, someone who has experience with anxiety/ASD/CBT etc.

Also at the moment I’m not fully accepting of the diagnosis. It explains things, and I’m glad I had it done, it’s just that with the anxiety etc all I can see are the negatives. I need to learn to appreciate the positives too.

I feel the same way sometimes. I haven't really taken off my mask, probably because I'm so used to it, and because I'm worried about what people might say if I do remove it; will they accept me etc.
I haven't really had "despair" like you describe; more like "ok, it's been confirmed, but that hasn't really helped anything, I still have to deal with all the shitness". I know that part of dealing with it is acceptance, but it's that which I find hard. I know that there are people out there who've come to accept their ASD, who acknowledge that there are shit bits but that they can deal with them as appropriate (having coping mechanisms etc). I want to be more like them.

Hello, can I join please? My daughter was diagnosed this summer after her school picking up on some behaviours. When they mentioned it to me first I thought no, she's not Autistic, she's just very like me! Then I started researching ASD in girls and thought well I don't know if DD is but I'm fairly sure I am!

We were both referred by our GP last November 2017. DD was seen in June and when I rang the adult assessment centre to query when I'd be seen they told me November 2018. Last month I called again and they said I'd be seen end of 2019!! We're moving to a different city at Christmas so I'll have to go on the bottom of the waiting list in my new area I'm so frustrated and sick of waiting. I'm pondering saving up to go private which I really can't afford but I can't wait possibly another 2 years.

I've struggled so much all my life, and been labelled so many things, difficult, rude, insensitive, over sensitive, anti social, dramatic, flaky, rigid, pedantic, pathetic, weird, awkward, the list goes on. My family don't speak to me, I've burnt so many bridges because I can't get past things and have very black and white thinking, I have very few friends (really only 2 people who I see regularly), cannot make new friends or even acquaintances because I'm so awkward, have never stayed in a job longer than a year and that almost killed me, have a string of broken relationships behind me. What a sob story! I don't mean to start a pity party, just to illustrate how my life is affected. I really think I must be autistic, but there's a huge part that doubts myself and thinks I'm making it up to excuse my weirdness and general wrongness, and actually I'm just a bad person.

Sorry this is so long and rambling!

Tomboy I too could have written something very similar. I am in the hideous limbo of waiting for the final report after a few online sessions to assess me for possible ASD - the waiting is awful. Either answer will bring its own issues. I’m dreading getting the email but am refreshing every 5 mins! My local area offers an online process, waiting time was only about 6 months which is great IF they see what they need to online - I’m currently thinking there’s no way they would have seen what I really want them to know. So hard to answer their questions accurately and remember examples, I’m convinced they’ll say no. Which will leave me... nowhere, with no answers. Hope you can get what you need.

Actually I haven't had it confirmed, I've just assumed that's what will happen, must look into it properly!

I am filling in forms for dd for autism assessment, and it is tricky whilst waiting for an appointment for me too.

the am i aren't i conundrum is oing to go on for another year at least.

I "do not meet the diagnostic criteria".

Feel like the floor has been pulled out from underneath me. Nothing. No reasons, or explanations, for why I find stuff hard. That's it.

I would warn anyone contemplating going through this process to just consider how they'll feel if it's a no. I know it won't stop you, and you'll do it anyway, just like I did, but if I could turn the clock back I would. Traumatic process for absolutely nothing.