Neurodiversity support thread for women with suspected, diagnosed or self-diagnosed autism, ADHD and other NDs #18

[PolterThreadStarter]

As usual, latest support thread.

Welcome

I know what you mean Chouetted, I find those threads difficult as well because I know, deep down, I'm probably a difficult person to live with if you value tidiness and I know DH does. (And honestly it's a good job he does - these last couple of weeks have shown up exactly how crap I am and how much he must normally do! )

And it doesn't really help to say that people would be understanding if it was for a physical reason because in reality most people don't really understand about neurological reasons for not fulfilling some universal responsibility in a relationship so it doesn't matter.

We sort of make it work because I do try and I'm honest about understanding that it's a huge burden but it's always going to be a strain and it's probably my biggest realistic fear for the relationship.

Is that you with an invisibility cloak Polter

It could be Bertie

I'd need an invisibility cloak if I got on a bike.

If you remember the whole "I want a dog but dh has said he'll leave if I get one " situation, for which I received some great advice on here...well, he agreed in the end and we got a dog. And it's been a lovely addition to our family

Awww yay! Puppy!

I'm also very bad at tidying but frenquently strop around the house screaming about what a tip it is. I'm a joy to live with.

I look at a room of mess and feel so overwhelmed.

I am so jealous Mog, the other day me and ds were trying to work out the odds of a lovely abandoned non-chipped dog turning up in the garden and dp being smitten and happily ever after scenarios!

Dh even picked up poo today. Never thought he'd do that.

Could you offer to have someone's dog for them whilst they go on holiday Polter? Give him a taste. Dh can't deny how good it's been for the dcs.

I hate tidying too. My uni room is a shit tip. I move out on Wednesday and I have to have it inspected (private student accommodation) before moving out. My inspection is tomorrow. You'd think that'd be enough incentive but no. It's not as terrible as it has been though. Mostly just got to chuck rubbish out, put my stuff into bags and do a small bit of washing up before sweeping the floor etc. I just hate tidying!

We don't know anyone Mog! But that wouldn't work with him. I might try Borrow My Doggy though.

toffee when I'm totally stuck I set a timer for 15 (or 10 or even 5) minutes and do as much as I can before a reward. In fact, you posting that reminds me how effective this can be. Otherwise it just feels so daunting and huge.

Aww yay how exciting about the dog :)

We'd still love to get a dog or cat but nothing exciting happening on that front.

I agree that often among the general public, people don't accept that neuro reasons might prevent e.g. tidiness, but what I meant is that in here, we won't judge people who can't do the whole tidying-executive-function thing because we recognise that it's not laziness or selfishness.

I've done the window and mirror as well as the bathroom. I had to do the window and mirror as I've had issues with fruit flies and presumably that's where they gather and leave their, err, leavings. Thankfully there aren't really any left, so that's one less issue to deal with. Now it's mostly chucking rubbish and putting my stuff into bags (I brought along giant storage/laundry bags as they're easier to transport than cardboard boxes). I'll take a breather before doing the rubbish.

Well done toff, every task done is one less still to be done.

Waving hello after a few weeks away while trying to catch up to the thread.
My sister has cleaned my flat which was a lovely surprise when I arrived home last night. Cleaning and tidying falls way down my list of things that have to get done when I'm not feeling well. But hasn't been bad lately.
Still chatting and flirting to the same person and we've agreed a visit each, which I'm very much looking forward to, but also super nervous about, because it'll be multiple days of being properly sociable.

Good to see you back rivier, and glad the flirting has continued, is it long until the first visit?

Only a few weeks. We've still chatted every day since we met two months ago now. But I'm much better at conversation via message than in person. We did have one phone call as well which was nice. So yeah, just very nervous about fucking it up.

It is so much easier when you've laid the groundwork beforehand. And sometimes we just have to take a leap and see what happens.

Back again. Finally got my car sorted. I was so proud of myself. I researched, chose, made phone calls, test drove, bought, insured and taxed it. The first time ever I've done all the steps. Normally DH has sorted some things. The next day the battery died. Luckily I got a loaner car from the garage and it was sorted the day after. I was terrified though because I thought I'd screwed it up. I now have my lovely new car. DH keeps calling it a go kart. I love it.

I am terrible at domestic stuff. We are slowly getting better but it's taking time. DH is a hoarder with a chronic illness which doesn't help but he does his best. We make a lot of lists and the kids help some but mostly we live in semi organised chaos.

Me and DH met online. I think it helped because we knew each other in a less awkward environment than rl. He is brilliant with my quirks. He has some himself and we just figure out ways to adjust as we go.

I'd be interested in a Fb group but I can't pm ATM as I'm on the app on my iPad. I will look at it tomorrow. My last name change was from Helena btw in case you didn't suss that. ATM I try to use this name just in here as I out myself fairly frequently in the main boards and want this to be private if someone advance searches me.

Ooh that's a point.
What are your experiences learning to drive? Haven't learnt yet mainly because school/university took up time (as well as obv bring away for uni). I would like to be able to drive because of practical reasons, but haven't signed up for lessons partly because I think "oh God me in control of a car, what if I find it hard, how will I remember everything" etc.

Weaver I'm so glad you got the car sorted! It was obviously very stressful for you.

It took me a while to learn to drive. I had 2 x 1 hour lessons for months, think it was 45 lessons in total! I reckon my instructor was aspie, he was pretty odd! Good teacher though. Knew when I was ready for my test and I passed first time. Would have passed sooner if I could have gone out with family but my Dad said nothing and my Mum screamed and made me more nervous so I gave up going out with them!

Well done with the car Weaver, I love all that car buying stuff.

Learning to drive was the hardest thing I've learned, I put it off for ages and then had to learn, I was regularly in tears before and after lessons, but I had a brilliant instructor, 40+ hours of lessons and passed first time. When the examiner told me I'd passed I burst into tears and exclaimed 'You must be joking!' It remains one of the best things I've ever done and I love driving and having a car.