Neurodiversity support thread for women with suspected, diagnosed or self-diagnosed autism, ADHD and other NDs #18

[PolterThreadStarter]

As usual, latest support thread.

Welcome

Thank you Faith

I used to breed guinea pigs and have kept hamsters and gerbils over the years too (plus a myriad of pets during childhood.)

Sorry totally wrong thread. Was following that Damn troll and left this open.

j was about to ask if you'd done that, I went back on the thread to see where pumpkins came up but yeah ice never really considered it a fruit before but you're right

V is for Pumpkin thread in Chat.

Right, I'll leave you to it and quickly exit.

Sorry again.

Hello. been AWOL again. sorry! I am here. Just really struggling to get on when I'm on a break at work as the signal for internet is shit and then when I get home the kids attack me and then I'm peopled out and can't be arsed with anything.

bubbles It's an IKEA detolf display cabinet. We did exactly the same thing for our hamsters. It fits nicely on top of an 8x4 kallax/expedit unit. We did put lids on that DH made though as we had a Syrian in one side and she could climb. The dwarves couldn't though as it is far too high and smooth.

We can't do pets again. The kids grief was heartbreaking and I can't watch it again. Every hamster death brought on waves of grief and reminders of grandparents they've lost. It was awful. They still cry over the hamsters over a year later. Seeing a hamster can start a chain reaction of I miss the hamsters, I miss my grandma, why does everyone die, why did all my pets die etc.

HRF How is the job going? I'm finding it knackering to people all the time. That's the hardest part for me I think.

You again? Reported the GF. ODFOD.

you should probably go to the doctors tbh as your clearly not well with this ridiculous obsession with autistic people.

Goodness, and I thought I spend too much time on MN

HRF I want to know how the job is too! So excited for you. Hope it's hard but good IYSWIM.

Bubbles I had to google degus are they a bit like gerbils? What age is good for pets? The DC are 4 and almost 3 so I think possibly a bit young... or almost big enough... DH would like a cat at some point.

But at the moment we live in a rented house and pets aren't allowed, so we would have to get permission first.

The kids I can handle. They don't care about me being me. Even the staff are fan and are completely comfortable with me flapping and shaking my leg and randomly bursting into song etc etc. I get to roll down the massive hill in nursery garden, and I get to dance along with the dance instructor when she comes and generally be silly. Which I love.
But talking to parents exhausts me.
Especially those that aren't interested but I have to talk to them anyway and try to make them interested. That's hard work. And trying to force eye contact. Bleurgh. I hate it.
But everyone is great. I've booked a few days for holidays that I need off, like DS1s audiology appointment, DDs speech and language and their birthdays.
I have 5 days left to take before December. I'm hoping my autism assessment comes through between now and October and then I'll book the entire week for that. If bot then I'll take it at some point and wait for my appointment to come through next year.

Oh good, at least that horrible goody post has gone now. What a horrible start to the day!

HRF I'm glad it's going well. I get that feeling with the parents - I felt the same with relatives in my old job! It does get easier. I think you learn certain appropriate phrases with experience.

I just have a question here. Obviously am not in a relationship right now. That is one of my worries - that any potential partner might not understand my ASD/not get why I do certain things. I know that any guy worth his salt would try and be as understanding as possible, but I've seen threads on here where people complain about their ASD partners (mainly NT women with ASD men) and it's quite disheartening. I know that people are more likely to air their grievances than share the good times on MN. I know women present differently to men. But that's part of the reason why I'm worried about having a boyfriend/DP/etc, that things might be fine initially but may get more noticeable later on/if we moved in together etc. I know I've not got the best self esteem, and I do plan to try and work on that before even considering a guy, but I guess those worries will always be there.

toffee in my experience many of the women who complain about their allegedly autistic partners have partners who do not have a diagnosis and are quite possibly just arseholes, but have been armchair diagnosed based on stereotypes... Not all cases, but I've encountered a few. It's similar when you google autistic mothers, you get adult offspring armchair diagnosing their tricky mums.

If you can just be yourself and not try to be someone else then there's a good chance you'll meet a decent bloke.

To be honest I've suspected that as well sometimes. I guess it's different with women as they present differently and are better at masking/adapting.

I have ASD, DH is NT (as far as we know!). We did meet online which helped - we got to know each other via messenger (MSN - it's been that long) so I didn't have to worry so much about how I came across. He is very patient with me, understands my issues and works hard to make life easier for me. He does get frustrated at times - worst of all often when I have a meltdown and he doesn't understand why, despite me saying so many times that it's often just a trigger from a build up of stuff! But I guess that's just life with an aspie. He suggested I start writing my memories down so he can read them but I tend to end up ranting at the moment!

Eurgh, our wheelie bin stank. It was emptied today, I saw something rotting with maggots! 🤢 I have rinsed and emptied it but it was so vile the smell has stayed with me and I had to shower afterwards.

See I would never ever have the guts for any kind of online dating/meeting/whatever. You have no idea what you're getting. As odd as it sounds I think I'd find it easier to meet someone face to face.

I always thought that toffee, until I started meeting MNers and more recently people off twitter in real life and then realised what a perfect way to start a friendship it can be.

Bare in mind DH and I met 10 years ago...OLD was very different then. We also met on a Christian chat room, it wasn't like Tinder or POF! We opened up in a way I never had with anyone before because we chatted online for 4 months before we met in person. I was still cautious, met him in a public place in my town, people knew where we were meeting, had a code word to text to my sister (so she knew it was me really texting!). It worked out well for us! It's a different game these days though.

I've been lurking for some time, but I know this is generally considered rude, so I thought I'd say hello, and let you know I'm here.

Hi!

I think the reality is living with someone on the spectrum can sometimes be difficult and occasionally the NT partner will feel like complaining. Just like looking after an elderly relative with dementia can be challenging at times and the carer needs respite or the chance to speak with other carers and have a bit of a rant. But in neither case does it stop a half decent NT person from loving or caring.

I'm not diagnosed, but I realise I can be challenging to live with and I know my DH occasionally complains to one of his close friends about me. But honestly, it doesn't really matter. He's chosen to be with me because he loves me and he doesn't plan to go anywhere. And lord knows he does enough things that wind me up and make me want to complain about him at times too, so it's a pretty fair trade really!

Sure there will be potential partners it might put off, but you wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who can't accept you for who you are anyway. Think of it as an arsehole filter.

Hi Chou!

Hi Chouetted!

Re deleted post - WOW! I've never seen a NAME edited by MN before. It must have been bad

DH and mine's relationship also started online - at least this current leg of it, I suppose. We originally met at school but apart from the fact he always made me laugh I didn't fancy him at all then, then we worked together for a bit in a Saturday job and added each other on MSN and it was over that our friendship grew. He had a girlfriend then so it wasn't any question but then when they broke up apparently we both had a crush on each other but were both too nerdy and awkward to say anything in case we messed up the friendship

Fast forward through the bit where we drifted out of touch and then my EA XP used to get narky about me having boy friends so I cut back the already slim contact even more and then a few years later we got back onto MSN (which had by then converted to Skype) and 90% of our initial relationship was conducted on there. I still think we communicate best via text, but we've grown to know each other better so we do also talk in person now. I think he's a bit sceptical of ADHD really but he absolutely knows me as an individual and takes my ADHD needs into account just in his head they're sort of grouped differently I suppose? He's not entirely neurotypical because he has dyslexia but that's the only thing, he's a lot more "normal" than I am