Clash between - racist adults and my very impulsive 2yo

[FeelingAnxious31]

Honestly what is going on.

I've name changed for this as I feel a bit silly having my usual username.

I live in a northern town and have been going out as usual. I work as a psychiatrist (on maternity leave) so I'm very used to conflict resolution and don't feel "scared" " easily.

My 2yo son, (today of all days) is going on a pushing rampage! I felt so bad for the kids, as any parent does but I can't predict/prevent everything. I also have a 1yo. It's not usual behaviour for him and I think he is going through a mental leap of experiencing anger.

I am very visibly Muslim and on both occasions the dad's honestly looked like they were going to punch someone. They both had their fists locked tight and one actually flinched towards my son. If I wasn't so normal, kind and apologetic about it, it definitely would have escalated.

I've received so many glaring looks and some racist comments. It's making me feel a bit low. I do empathise with those who are feeling frustrated with austerity and to those from low income families. I'm especially feeling sad because so many of those who are rioting are from similar backgrounds to my patients. Patients who can be kind to me when they see me as their Psychiatrist but racist to me in the streets.

I'm not sure how to feel. I'm mostly disappointed and now slightly anxious. How is everyone else feeling?

So sorry you are going through that. I have been quite cautious about going out and yesterday finally ventured out to my local bnm as I knew it would be quiet on a week day.
I was waiting at the entrance for my DH to find parking, and this elderly white lady started talking really loudly about how she was fed up that her grandson has to learn urdu in school and this is a British country and he needs to learn bloody English.
She then walked closer to me and repeated it again very loudly, I could see her daughter was looking quite uncomfortable. It's really odd though as first of all I'm not Pakistani and secondly none of the schools in my small town even teach urdu! My children don't even learn urdu at mosque so I have no idea what that was all about but it put me on edge until I was safely back home.

I don't blame you for feeling anxious at all and thankfully you were able to de-escalate. It's hard enough when toddlers play up under normal circumstances, let alone in the current atmosphere.

It's so sad. I don't think people realise how so many of us only see the UK as our one and true home. I don't speak another language. Culturally I am very British. I can't live somewhere else. My home is my home. It's all I know.

Thats sad. I do youth work and have found even with the racist kids they actually come round to realising we are all human and just want to get on with life, they enjoy the activities we provide and behave well, unfortunately the media and their parents seem to be teaching them that it is ok to attack anyone who isn't white makes me worry for what will happen once their fully grown. Once a week at a youthclubs isn't going to over rule 24/7 brain washing. Am actually thinking of leaving.

I'm so sorry, @FeelingAnxious31 . Fellow medic here, and fellow mum of a 2 year old. It's horrible to see grown men reacting aggressively towards women and children.

Why not remove your child from the situation? When mine went through that stage they were made to leave straight away.

Regardless of colour/ ethnicity it really annoys me when parents, do not parent and carry on letting their child physically touch someone especially in an aggressive way and just apologise.

I would be pissed off if your child ran up and pushed mine too whether you/he were black, brown, white or yellow polka dot skinned.

If your toddler is pushing other kids just buy a set of reins. Keep him close to you until he can understand that pushing is wrong.

I bet it does make an enormous difference. It might be the only chance they have to experience another perspective. Of course you must leave if it’s for your own well being but please don’t leave because you think you’re having zero impact.

But it's groups and people like you that are making a difference. I think we need massive investment in youth centre/ young people centres, seeing the amount of kids getting involved in the mindless riots worries me for the future. It's a constant merry-go-round.

There's being pissed off and then there's grown men closing their fists towards a toddler and a woman.

My 2yo pushed another two children today for the first time. He didn't continue pushing them whilst I just watched?

He is a 2yo who is impulsive and that a completely normal milestone for A 2yo. It is not a normal milestone for a 35 year old man.

It really is scary.

Are you reading the post? I never mentioned anything about soft play and I've just said that I've received racist comments (that mention/refer to my religion).

I find it strange that you are going on about my 2yo rather than the actual adult.

God bless you, darlin - this has really hurt my heart that you feel low. I'm so, so sore that you're having to deal with this.

I'm a white Christian woman and feel scared at the moment - the riots are very unpredictable and I feel unsafe. I can't even imagine how it must make you feel if it makes me feel scared.

I don't really have an answer, but please remember why you went into your field - to help people - you are better than every single one of these horrors and are valued more than they every will be

Also, for what it's worth, feel frustrated etc. for being on a low income isn't an excuse for racism.

Sending you some love and support - please come back to this thread to offload. It's hard enough being on maternity leave and dealing with the isolation that it can bring, without dealing with all of this on top x

Apologies for the spelling mistakes I'm falling asleep but didn't want to read and run x

I'm so sorry op.
That's terrifying.
Come to London?

I think you need to re-read the posts if that's what you've taken from them.

At no point has the OP said that the two pushing incidents were within the same episode.

There is no mention of soft play. Just of someone going out in public.

There is mention of racist comments. Which may well be a factor in why the OP has concluded that race/religion may be relevant to how she and her small children were treated.

This is a thread in the Muslim Mumsnetters section. That's not a likely location for dog-whistling. It's far more likely that the OP is reaching out to other Muslims at a time when many of us are experiencing an increase in racist and religiously motivated hate.

What type of psychiatrist are you?

I'm curious where the pushing took place. It's shocking to hear that you received multiple racist comments while you were with your child(ren). I can, sort of, understand the disgusting pack mentality of the rioters and I understand that there are horrible racists around but for you to be targeted multiply times in one morning is actually shocking.

I'd be tempted to start wearing a go-pro and post the interactions on social media.

This has just been shared on our local Facebook group. Stay safe OP and encourage your mosque to up their security:

The problem is your parenting, not your skin colour.

Given the very real risks to our safety at the moment, it might not be sensible for the OP to share potentially identifying information such as her subspecialty. Areas might only have one or two clinicians in a subspecialty which would then mean people could potentially work out who she is.

Sadly, what you say is shocking, is actually not infrequent for 'visibly Muslim' people in the current climate. That these people directed it at a child is particularly vile, though.

A two year old is described as doing something that it's fairly common for two year olds to do at some point. There's no evidence of parental mismanagement of those situations, in fact there's no information at all about how the incidents of pushing were addressed. Even generally well-behaved children can have an occasional pushing incident - short of never allowing a child to interact freely with any other individual, it's difficult to prevent that from ever occurring. For all you know, the two year old was immediately picked up and removed from the situations. Or, they could still be rampaging around a town centre somewhere...

What we do have information about is that the OP experienced racist comments and aggressive behaviour from grown men, which left her feeling upset enough to post here in search of support from people who understand what it is like to experience racist and religiously motivated threats to our safety.

This might not be the time or place for parenting critiques, but if you have foolproof strategies to ensure no more toddlers push each other, I'm sure they'd be welcome under different circumstances, as many of us have encountered pushy children.

Where we are:

Thank you so much for your kind words x