Anyone muslim working mums here? I need your support...

[applesanddessert]

Hello, I am new here.

I wondered if anyone here has prayed Isthikara here, if so how did you find your answer, if you don't mind sharing?

I am unsure on whether to have another child. Part of me is saying if your unsure then stick with the beautiful two you have alhamdulilah but another part of me says we only live once, have the third and see where life takes you.

My worries are not financial or anything materialistic at all, we can provide for 3, have the space and so on. My worries are:

Age: I am 37 husband is 42, the health risks to the baby. I know all babies are a blessing but because I work full time and after a year of mat leave will have to continue so will I be able to give time to extra needs when I'll be spread so thin. I want to be a present mum and am so with the two I have and wasn't a concern with them at all (outside the usual anxieties).

Family Support: We have no family support, mine live so far away and DH's are very busy with their own lives, older and have children in their 20s. Can't really rely on anyone for emergencies, pickup/drop-offs unless they end up in a school with an older cousin (so many schools in this town).

Islam: I live in a very none diverse town, my first child has online Arabic lessons after school and weekends, I feel in more diverse towns where the children can attend a class together the pressure is taken off the parents a little but I am juggling this on top of primary activities, work, toddler, Asian married life and so on. I will do the same for my second but wonder if it would be better for me to teach the two I have, the ways of Islam then again splitting my time across three. My husband is also re-learning himself so I find I support him quite a bit in that area.

I sometimes wonder why my heart yearns for a third when all I prayed for was a girl and a boy in the past and felt complete when my second was born, he was a tough baby. Now he is older I feel a third would make a wonderful sibling dynamic since they don't have a lot of cousins around.

As you can tell I am torn, I have prayed Isthikara but not sure when I will know...

Thank you for responding. I have PMd you :)

Salam. I had this dilemma too but for slightly different reasons. Finances was a key concern for us. Age wasn't relevant as I'm only 30. My health was a big factor though as I get severe sickness for the first half of pregnancy and then I had two assisted deliveries with complications with the healing of my episiotomies and two lots of PND. DH was really wanting no.3 but not any pressure as he totally understands the toll the previous two took on my health.

I prayed ishtikhara a lot and in the end we decided to try and I'm now pregnant and due in the autumn. My kids will be 6.5 and just about 3 when #3 arrives. This will absolutely definitely be the last one. Ideally we'd have 4 but we can't afford a fourth without reducing our living standards and opportunities for the kids too much which I don't think they'd thank us for, and also I'd be nervous about the impact on my health too. I feel relieved that this is my last experience of pregnancy as I hate pregnancy. I'm more than half along and still have regular nausea, occasional vomiting and still on anti-sickness meds. Also starting to experience stress incontinence occasionally again too.

I'm one of three and tbh I always envisioned us stopping at 2, but as soon as I had #2 I just didn't feel our family was complete. They were a pretty 'easy' newborn (complete opposite of DC1!) which made me feel almost a sense of grief at the idea that would be my last baby.

I really hope for all our kids sakes that we have a healthy third baby inshallah and that we don't live to regret the choice that we made.