The Mumsnet Orchestra: Sign up here

[Dragonbrandybutter]

Welcome to the Mumsnet Orchestra
What's your instrument?
We are particularly short of armpit musicians, and those proficient with a kazoo.

On the toy piano...
ExtraFancy
DaDaDa
Tassisssss
Edam
Hugeheadofhair
Mamadiva
MissMama
Mumhadenough
Va nessaParody
Needmorecoffee
Princesspeahead

On the Little Tykes Xylophone...
BoccaDellaVerita
Horton

On the egg slicer...
NoBiggy

Choir...
Avenanap

On the recorder...
MrsWednesday
MarkStretch
Scaredoflove on two recorders up her nose

On the Squeezy musical octopus...
TarkaLiotta
IorekByrnison

On the ruler on the kitchen counter...
Nibnabs

On the toy saxophone...
Stinkyfeet

Beatboxing...
DaDaDa

On the flute (for real)...
Geraldinetheluckygoat

On the spoons...
Seeker

And er...
standing her toast up on its edges
JackieNo

And as i've gone to all the trouble of making a list a putting in all the emphasis (even though it's all wrong and i can't be bothered to fix it) then I bags being The Conductor

Well it would beat Paul McCartney's frogs, surely?

... and Paul McCartney too.

And still the orchestra is growing ....

The Mumsnet Orchestra

On the toy piano...

ExtraFancy
DaDaDa
Tassisssss
Edam
Hugeheadofhair
Mamadiva
MissMama
Mumhadenough
Va nessaParody
Needmorecoffee
Princesspeahead

On the Little Tykes Xylophone...

BoccaDellaVerita
Horton

On the egg slicer...

NoBiggy

Choir...

Avenanap
Wilbur
thumbwitch
littlefish

On the recorder...

MrsWednesday
MarkStretch
Dingdongdisasterareaonhigh
Scaredoflove on two recorders up her nose

On the flute...

tipsyfairydifferentID

On the clarinet...

somuchtobits
smartiejake

On the flute (for real)...

Geraldinetheluckygoat

On the cereal box and elastic band guitar...

escapetovictory

On the Squeezy musical octopus...

TarkaLiotta
IorekByrnison

On the ruler on the kitchen counter...

Nibnabs

On the toy saxophone...

Stinkyfeet

Beatboxing...

DaDaDa

On the spoons...

Seeker
califraundingfathers (also kazoo and nose flute)

On the Zafira roof bars...

BecauseI'mworthit

On the typewriter/mouse...

lilymaid

Also on the mouse...

glasgowstyle

On the stapler...

dragonbrandybutter

On the jaw harp...

gentleotter

On the canary whistle...

sonofnibnabs

On knicker elastic...

daughterofsauerkraut

On the windows...

marymotherofcheeses (pvc)
theconstantironer (pvc)
treedelivery (sash)

On the didgeridoo...

Theconstantironer

On percussion...

custardo
jacksfirstchristmasmama
sunnygirl1412

on the castanets...

cmotdibbler

on the coconut shells and maraccas...

pelvicfloornomore

Whistling...

smileslikenoother

On the stylophone...

katisha

On the marmonica...
Notbigjustbolshy (accompanied by notbigjustbolshyhound)

On the ukelele...

ImpinkthereforeIspam

On the boomwhackers...

smartiejake

On the musical saw...

smartiejake

On the garden hose...

smartiejake

On the toothbrush...

jessia
threadworm (accompanied by threadwormhound)

On woodpigeon/dove/other ornithological sound effects...

spirobranchusgiganteus

On the airbed pump hose...

cmotdibbler

On the grass trumpet...

Waltzywotzy

On the Alaskan railroad whistle...

Our mystery guest artiste

With genuine musicality...

asdmumandteacher

Original lyrics...

teafortwo

And er...

standing her toast up on its edges
JackieNo

All under the musical direction of...

dragonbrandybutter

Repertoire

Beethoven - Ode To Joy PMSL (arranged for MN by spirobranchusgiganteus)

The Conga

Featured solos and party pieces

katisha on the stylophone:
Saint-Saens Organ Symphony (organ part)
Tchaikovsky Sugar Plum Fairy (celeste part)
Intro: Dire Straits Walk of Life

Stinkyfeet on the toy saxophone:
Careless Whisper

Nibnabs on shatter-proof ruler:
Johnny Briggs

Threadworm on the manual toothbrush:
Polly Wolly Doodle All The Day

So is the consensus not to ask Sir Paul to jam with us on the Alaskan railroad whistle, then?

blows note across top of wine bottle

Anybody else want to sign up before we start practising?
You wouldn't want to wait until we're all really good before you join in would you?

Will we be able to fit a concert in before Christmas??? You see I have started to write some Christmas lyrics.... I would rather they were used by fine musicians like yourselves but if you have ne need for them I will send them to the Courts in Vienna as they are hassling me for more lyrics but (stamps feet)they don't understand the arts like we all do!

Christmas time
Christmas time
Mummy drinks up all the wine

Time for cheer
Time for cheer
Daddy has another beer

Go now, go now children go
but don't fa---all over in the snow!

Christmas time
Christmas time
I have told you children not to whine

Time for cheer
Time for cheer
talk only in Aunty Flo's right ear

shop now hu---sband in the shops
buy me soo---mething really tops!

(roughly to the tune of On Christmas Night All Christians Sing)

Oh! I thought it was to the tune of Cliff's timeless classic, Christmas Time, Mistletoe and Wine. [shame]

Can join in the choir bit. Bass baritone, fwiw.( suspect I will be the entire bas section..) Just keep the saps under control. Bunch of real divas they sapranos be..

Do a mean tune on the saucepan-and-servingspoon as well.

Can I be the doddery old lady in the overalls who serves tea and biscuits in the breaks?

Promise they'll be nice biscuits. None of that Rich Tea nonsense. M&S stuff....

Oh, and I didn't notice a cabasa afuche on the list...

No, it's not a type of posh biscuit but a percussion instrument used in Latin pieces! Put me down for that, if everyone's on a diet.

I can play tunes with my finger on the side of my mouth, or whistle through my tongue when it's rolled up .

Clam, a cabasa afuche eh?
You is posh.

Bramshott, can you get your tongue insured just incase something happens to your instrument?

I can twang an elastic band round a shoe box ..

brilliant random, the orchestra needs you!

Have just realised you have no feline participants. May I nominate my cat? She goes a bit weird when i jangle cutlery near her and does that chirpy noise, kind of like you'd see on You've Been Framed. Was thinking about her going next to the spoons players, she'd bring an alternative vibe, don't you think? Because, lets face it, we're not quite random enough yet! And if we need ferrying around, i'm sure DP would be happy to load us into his truck.

I think we'll need to vote on the cats and dogs thing.
Can't stand them myself but as we are a mumsnet community orchestra i suppose we can take a vote.

my vote: err, well if you keep them at the back somewhere and make sure there'll be no furballs unless you want to see the conductor retching.

Cats screeching may blend in nicely with the sopranos.........

And that's before the first fight breaks out. (cats, not MNers, although that could add a whole new dimension to our sound)

Dragonbutter - I thought we needed a goal to work to, so I took the liberty of booking us our first gig. As you'll see, for discretion's sake, I booked us in under an assumed name.

Marvellous, Bocca. I fear my offer of tea and biscuits might not be welcome in such a prestigious venue, however.

Au contraire, clam. Tea and biscuits are welcome in any venue, although I guess you may need to buy your supplies at Fortnum and Mason (I'm more of a Lidl girl myself).

can we have an official baker for the orchestra? fresh is best!

Have you genuinely not found anyone else who can burp the Frog Chorus yet? Because...

And I can wolf-whistle (wilfwhistle?) for a bit of drama.