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[Dragonbrandybutter]

Welcome to the Mumsnet Orchestra
What's your instrument?
We are particularly short of armpit musicians, and those proficient with a kazoo.

On the toy piano...
ExtraFancy
DaDaDa
Tassisssss
Edam
Hugeheadofhair
Mamadiva
MissMama
Mumhadenough
Va nessaParody
Needmorecoffee
Princesspeahead

On the Little Tykes Xylophone...
BoccaDellaVerita
Horton

On the egg slicer...
NoBiggy

Choir...
Avenanap

On the recorder...
MrsWednesday
MarkStretch
Scaredoflove on two recorders up her nose

On the Squeezy musical octopus...
TarkaLiotta
IorekByrnison

On the ruler on the kitchen counter...
Nibnabs

On the toy saxophone...
Stinkyfeet

Beatboxing...
DaDaDa

On the flute (for real)...
Geraldinetheluckygoat

On the spoons...
Seeker

And er...
standing her toast up on its edges
JackieNo

And as i've gone to all the trouble of making a list a putting in all the emphasis (even though it's all wrong and i can't be bothered to fix it) then I bags being The Conductor

I've been worrying about the repertoire. I had been thinking of Beethoven's Ode To Joy, but we'll need to recruit a few more to the choir or avenanap may strain a vocal cord ....

I am on standby with my Major Morgan also, but can't see how i'll be able to play when i'm being conductor.
I'd be happy to give tutorials to any interested orchestra members.

percussion, i am a dab hand at banging pans together (rather than cooking with them)

Oooh can I join?

DS can play a good armpit fart.

I'll have a go at anything. Currently trying to get a tune out of a tenor horn but that might be too "proper" for this orchestra.

I'd love to play my pvc windows. When the wind blows in a particular direction, they do a really good organ noise.

Ooohh ooohhh ooohhh - can I be in the choir please - I'm a trained contralto and I've been yearning to do the Ode to Joy for ever and ever and ever.

If not, can I join custardo in the percussion section? After today with my kids and their bickering, I am a dab hand at banging heads together - to tone with the pans, of course.

ooooooooooh,choir for me too, trained contralto, know Ode to Joy, should have been singing it this very evening for my choir master who is retiring but I couldn't afford the dinner tickets - big choir though so I doubt I was missed!

very good ladies, welcome.
have you prepared your audition pieces?

can't wait to hear the pvc windows, do you have your own set?

(if you want proper, i could do Double bass for you - it's been a while but I can still remember how)

Can I nominate BoccaDellaVita as my second? Please direct all correspondence to her in my absence.

ok are we confessing our real instruments too?
ok but they don't get in the choir.
Me? Bagpipes

sorry, orchestra not choir.

Unfortunately I'm not God so can't control the wind through the pvc windows. Have met a few conductors so am confident there may be people out there who think they can

They'll have to remain as a random instrument. Good for a John Cage piece.

Does anyone have a wind machine?

Eek! Power without responsibility!

This is great. The orchestra is going from strength to strength. But does anyone have any more suggestions for the repertoire? Something which can be orchestrated for plinky toy piano, egg slicer, pvc windows, squeezy octopus and Major Morgan would be particularly apposite.

Yes, my DH! but you wouldn't want him, honest.

Califrau, not at all.

Can I join in?

Eeew. not that kind of wind machine.
It might overpower the sound of the music.

I'm off for tonight.
Goodnight

really, Califrau? so you are an alto and a bassist as well? Snap!

Oh, I can do lovely whistling through the roof bars on my Zafira, if you can get that wind machine going!

even more bizarre - I started off at school playing bass but when I wanted to get one of my own, my parents couldn't afford to let me, so I used to scour exchange&mart for them - one day I found an ad for a 'cello, so bought that and had lessons on that - never took exams though. The requirement for excellence on the 'cello seems to be higher - you get marks just for being able to play the bass at all, I'm sure!

My 'origional feature' sash windows play in c on a windy day if that is usefull?

Have I had too much rescue rememdy or is this really happening?

I'll whistle through the hole in the roof of my mouth..pretty tuneless though!

Gazes sadly across at unplayed saxophone and guitar.....sigh.