A new Neurodiversity support thread for those with suspected or diagnosed ASD, ADHD and other NDs

[PigPigTrotters]

Yet another thread for neurodivergent mumsnetters.

Lots of links in old threads.

Anyone is welcome, it's not just about autism.

Oh "lack of respect" in relation to clothes is something I hear a lot (mostly when I'm wearing something comfortable. The other end is "taking the piss" which means I'm wearing something I think is fancy and other people think is just fancy dress. Can't win. Fuck it.

Those who have kids - how accurate is the M-Chat? I did it for DD earlier and it came up as "risk of autism" with 90% likelihood, which wouldn't be unexpected but equally it could be her copying my autistic behaviours so I'm kind of ambivalent.

Delete - there's probably part of most of us afraid of how people perceive our parenting. You have nothing to fear though. I remember two weeks before my wedding my psychiatrist said he was going to raise a safeguarding concern just to force me into treatment. I'll never forgive him for the next few days of hell worrying I'd lose DS. Also DH when I told him (and I was upset at the time) said 'how dare you bring social services to our door?!' I may never quite get over that

On the visualisation thing - I was shocked recently to find that "in your mind's eye" or "visualising" wasn't just a metaphor. I always assumed people were the same as me and had mental lists but couldn't 'see' what they were reading. At most if I'm reading something that describes a house I'll have a Cluedo style 2-D map of it, but definitely not a 3-D visual. I can't even visualise people I know well - I've tried it, if I concentrate really hard I can recall photographs, so if you ask me to imagine my partner I can bring to mind her passport photo if I try.

It actually upset me a bit to find that my partner has a video recall as memory. I have a photographic memory so I am great at exams and so on but I can remember my A level history notes but not my family's faces, and that's really sad now I know that's not the same for everyone.

God albadross that's awful. I have nothing useful to contribute but wanted to send solidarity.

Glad you're not going to the funeral Polter. That must be a huge weight off your shoulders.

I like fireworks for about 5 minutes, then I get bored and antsy. I feel most firework displays go on for far to long but I think I'm in the minority.

Dd1 had a fantastic time watching the fireworks from our bedroom window this evening, she was so excited and said it was the best thing ever. Beats standing around in the freezing cold anyway.

I struggle with the concept of clothes indicating a lack of respect too. As far as I'm concerned, I don't see how what an individual chooses to wear has any impact on anyone else, so how can it be disrespectful? Disrespectful to who exactly?

Thank you Laura

I wrote a blog post last night which is sort of about convention and
judging - there's a very thin girl on YouTube getting loads of abuse because people want to force her to 'admit' she has anorexia. It's giving me the rage to think that people seem to believe that if they bombard her with abuse she's more likely to get worse instead of better.

I agree Alba, I'd imagine most people would hate to be perceived as a bad parent in some way. I'm sorry that happened to you, it sounds awful.

I tried calling them back again today but it doesn't look like they are around at weekends so it will have to wait till Monday.

Laura as far as I know the M-CHAT is respected. I did it retrospectively for ds2 and it showed his as at risk.
Someone asked about stimming - I wasn't asked about this during my assessment at all, and apparently in women it is something that can be suppressed due to masking and coping ok (until burnout, recognition, identification etc).

With DD it's mostly about her flapping her hands near her eyes, but I do that too...

I get stressed even thinking about sims because I've always had such pressure to say I don't - but I do, I whistle and hum tunelessly and rub my fingers together in a certain pattern and twiddle my hair

and people i work with would say I'm fine even though they've seen me do all of those things and taken the piss that I do them

Is humming tunelessly a stim? Laura
Well, that's another thing I've always done to the exasperation of my family. I keep discovering on this thread and through reading how many little (and not so little) things fit.
In Neurotribes they talked about spinning in circles as a stim, and that is something I used to do all the time as a child. Every day in the evening, usually after dinner, I'd spin around the living room. My family just assumed it was something I liked doing and my little sisters would join in on occasion. My mother was always telling me to stop mindlessly humming.

I'd quite like a meet up, but I'm not in the UK, so couldn't make it anyway.
The thread has moved on quite a lot, but can I add some tv characters who I think are autistic: Patsy from Call the midwife and Jac Naylor from Holby City.
Anyone else have this problem in real life too, that you want to join the conversation but by the time you get there the conversation has moved on?

I stim a lot and it was mentioned in my assessment but I don't know if it is essential to being diagnosed or if it just added to the whole picture iyswim. For the most part I have trained myself into innocuous looking stims, the same as NTs do- leg jiggling, pen clicking, nail biting- but when I've been drinking or very emotional or very relaxed (on my own or people that know me very very well) then I will hand flap or finger twirl.

I have a memory from when I was little of stimming in a really obvious way (I clapped in front of me then swung my arms behind me and clapped behind me then swung them forwards again, clapped, etc.) and someone taking the piss. I can't remember where I was (though, vaguely feel like it was Brownies or similar) or who ridiculed me but I vividly remember the embarrassment I felt.

I made a conscious effort not to stim in any obvious way after that.

I used to do that too BDH
I now twiddle my hair (I used to run it through my mother and kind of suck it)
Twiddle my thumbs
Leg bounce
Chew the inside of my mouth. Only on the right side though.
I rock sometimes but I try not to do that because I get funny looks.
I flap my hands (another one I try not to do)
I hum
I rub my face.
And probably loads more

I was always told I was just a fidget.

I used to do that clapping thing all the time.

I pick the skin off my scalp until it bleeds
I wiggle my toes in patterns
Both sides of the inside of my mouth are bitten
Teeth grinding
I used to clear my throat constantly
I touch my face a lot

My dad used to drive me nuts flicking his fingernails
My mum rubbed her feet together whilst watching TV

We're all a bit odd really!

I was in a video for work talking about my mental health, and I remember watching it and wondering why I looked so blank and my voice was completely monotone and croaky. I can speak perfectly alone, but as soon as anyone else is there I can physically feel my throat getting smaller.

I just re-did that AQ test and got 44 out of 50.

It's really weird realising that everything you thought you were is sort of just an act - anyone else feel that way?

DH is hitting things with hammers and the noise is excruciating!

I'm kind of glad I wasn't the only one to do the clapping thing. I used to really enjoy it.

It's really weird realising that everything you thought you were is sort of just an act - anyone else feel that way?

Yes. Absolutely. And stimming is one area that really highlights it for me. Once I started 'watching' myself when I realised I might be autistic, I noticed things I suppress. Stuff like hand flapping.

I have so many stims. Some are socially acceptable ones I've obviously allowed myself and others are ones I suppress more and they only come out when I'm massively stressed/by myself/have been drinking etc.

Leg jiggling
Knuckle cracking
Picking at the skin on the back of my neck (and then picking the scabs)
Digging my finger nails into my skin and then feeling the little indents
Hand flapping
Rubbing my face
Clicking my fingers (esp. after/instead of hand flapping)
Fiddling with my rings
Humming
Singing
Biting at my hands
Scrunching my toes up
Shaking my head/the rest of me
Fiddling with pens/anything else to hand
Biting at my sleeves

Those are just off the top of my head.

Yeah, I clapped and clap like that.

I also would have completely denied any hand-flapping, until I watched that Limpsfield Grange documentary and saw one of the girls in there doing my excited-shaking-the-water-off-your-hands thing, which is apparently flapping

I run my feet against each other, flick my index and middle finger back and forth against each other repeatedly, tap my collarbone, hit myself in the head, blink really hard repeatedly, rotate joints so they crunch and click, rub my head, all kinds of irritating shit. When I'm very anxious, I slap my hands against each other in a particular way.

Also bite hands when excited. Base of the thumb area.

Attractive, huh? 😂

Rat, reading your list has reminded me I also brush my hands on my shoulders and when I'm particularly stressed I slap myself hard on the legs/arms.

Also, it sounds like your 'hand flapping' might be like mine. Mine isn't like a bird flapping its wings but more of a shake.

This is the most ridiculously rushed and terrible drawing on MS Paint ever but I flap like the one on the right and not like the one on the left if that makes any sense.

I used to do that clapping too BDH!

I do jazz hands type hand movements, plus a few from the lists above.