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Mumsnetters with disabilities

Please see our webguide of suggested organisations for parents to support children with learning difficulties.

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Original poster

Do you ever suspect you may have aspergers? (Or do you know you have it?)

160 replies

CrapBag · 01/10/2015 13:14

It's something I have occasionally thought about.

I have frequently been told that I am honest (or blunt) and if people want an honest answer, they will come to me. I don't like to be rude and don't like the idea of upsetting people but sometimes I get the feeling I may have. A chat with a friend recently got me thinking and she said if we're talking and I don't want to do something or I don't agree I will just reply "no" and that's it. No discussion, I will just come out with it. She isn't the first person to say this to me. I genuinely can't understand why that may not be right.

Another friend once told me she thinks I am misunderstood and I don't mean any harm (true) but I'm not sure who is misunderstanding me or why.

I do like my routine. I don't like changing it. I would describe myself as set in my ways. I'm incredibly on top of things and organised (to the point people joke about me sorting their lives out). I am very black and white, no middle ground. I also have a very strong sense of fairness and hate injustice of any kind. I also find it very frustrating when people make a mistake on something and feel the need to correct it (I don't, I keep it to myself as I do know that would annoy people).

I have done the online test (I know, I know [http://archive.wired.com/wired/archive/9.12/aqtest.html here] and scored fairly highly.

I have always felt like I don't quite fit in although I think I do a pretty good job of covering this up. I feel like I am on the fringes quite often.

I know it doesn't really matter. I wouldn't say it affects my life although I do struggle with relationships quite a bit (not DH and DCs) mainly friends. I was just curious after my friends recent comment.

OP posts:

hiddenhome2 · 04/10/2015 20:23

I find the test very male orientated. I'm not obsessed with either lists or dates or gathering info

Lightbulbon · 04/10/2015 20:26

flowerpower

Yes I find child noise, the interruptions etc very difficult to cope with. I tell them I'm off duty at 9pm and not to disturb me unless necessary (ill etc).

I'm quite rigid in my parenting too. Which has its pros & cons.

hiddenhome2 · 04/10/2015 20:26

And I wouldn't go to either libraries or parties

Lightbulbon · 04/10/2015 20:27

It is male orientated. Baron Cohen thinks autism is 'extreme maleness'.

Women are best to ignore his tests.

SeaForests · 04/10/2015 20:42

Yes, I've been wondering about the logic of Baron-Cohen's tests and understanding of the condition as 'extreme maleness'.

It seems to me that he's started with a concept of autism, created a test to fit it, and then defines those who meet the test as having autism.

It also expects one to define oneself and one's perceptions against an imagined norm, which is very difficult to do. I would say that I see things normally, but I can imagine, having spend time musing on the quiz, that in fact yes, I do focus on small details rather than the big picture.

Original poster

CrapBag · 04/10/2015 22:19

It makes sense that that test could be aimed at males. I'm not obsessed with numbers or collecting things such as coins etc. If there is something I am interested in I will research it and look at the things I can buy and sometimes I can buy a lot of it, for example I was into card making and would buy a lot of stuff even if I didn't need it. I love making lists and have various list books and as soon as there is something I can make a list about, the relevant book is out.

What do people think about the test with the graph then? That isn't Baron-Cohen is it?

I've done 3 different ones (although one had almost identical questions to the Baron-Cohen test) and all results pretty much the same.

I thought the same about the library/party question but I took it very literally so didn't get it meant somewhere quieter or busy, that makes sense. For me it very much depends. I enjoy taking the DCs to the library but I wouldn't hang out there. I enjoy the occasional party although I get quite anxious beforehand even if I have been looking forward to it. I don't like the noise though. I'd rather be able to sit at a table with a few close friends and have a conversation. I can get to my limit in an instant though and just want to be home.

OP posts:

dontcallus · 04/10/2015 22:29

DH scores 44! We have long suspected his has aspergers though. The question 'do you have difficulty imagining what it would be like to be someone else' prompted the reply of 'why would I do that?'

We are debating whether a diagnosis would help him, also having DS1 assessed for HFA.

pebbletime · 04/10/2015 22:49

Hmm. 38

Flowerpower41 · 05/10/2015 05:25

I score 29 out of 50 on the Cambridge Institute test - is this the same test as mentioned above? This means borderline but is uncannily apt.

Although I have only learned this two years ago at the tender age of 49 it was a real breakthrough!

Flowerpower41 · 05/10/2015 05:28

Personally I find the prospect of a party totally abhorrent.

I have been working at home for the last 10 years of my life too and have turned into an introvert which just adds to the situation! Prior to ds being born I was a borderline extrovert but now I know I am an introvert when I retake the introvert/extrovert questionnaires etc. Myers Briggs and so on.

Not too fond of libraries as such but book shops are great! In a way a favourite of mine. A decent Waterstones and I am on cloud nine. Although I would hate to work for others again working in a book shop could work for me. Most definitely not a library however.

Original poster

CrapBag · 05/10/2015 12:25

"The question 'do you have difficulty imagining what it would be like to be someone else' prompted the reply of 'why would I do that?'" I thought exactly the same. I don't think has ever ever occurred to me to imagine what it would be like to be someone else. I don't get why you would tbh.

OP posts:

TeamBacon · 05/10/2015 13:37

I'm finding it really hard to deal with the kids noise at the moment. Repetitive sounds especially. Stupid beeping noises, or the same line of a song over and over and I find it impossible to tolerate. I'm on my own with the kids at the moment as well.

Just me? Or is this something else. Or am I just intolerant

piperchapman44 · 05/10/2015 13:44

i scored 36. But then on the map assessment i was a bit aspergers and a bit not (helpful). I am pretty sure my df is and when i remember this it makes it easier to deal with him. I mean he is CLASSIC. Sometimes I also notice it in my dd but she is very very extrovert so I think she copes better. I'm not sure if I am just more introverted than anything else. I had this thing recently when I went on a group holiday with dd and it was really good and I was really sociable and now we're back I find it really odd that that was that - I'm not sure if this is a weird way to think. And I can;t even explain myself on that one. A few times during the week I said odd things and now i;m obsessing about it ,even though I'll never see those people again!

But yes, realised how much I need routine and an ordered home and my ex was always planning spontaneous days out and I absolutely hated it - caused massive anxiety. And I have absolutely no idea how to make new friends, i just find it impossible to get beyond the surface friendliness to any depth or permanent friendship. And that causes me anxiety. But now I think maybe I should just stop fighting who I am and give in to it - but I don;t want to grow older as antisocial as my DF!

Flowerpower41 · 05/10/2015 15:13

I think for friendships to evolve there has to be a common bond e.g. children/astrology/Buddhism/socialist views - I have different friends for different reasons but they generally cover one or two of these areas.

For as long as we have at least one of our pet topics in common with somebody we can then bond with them to qualify into a friendship slowly.

That said I find it is best to be extremely fussy and careful! As I tend to find a great deal of people rather boring ....

ShelaghTurner · 05/10/2015 15:21

Now you see, I could quite happily live my entire life imagining i was someone else. It's day to day reality I have problems with. I have a very good imagination and it's been a hiding place all my life.

Original poster

CrapBag · 03/12/2015 22:37

I have found this thread again and I have asked for it to be moved as I would to look at it again sometime as I have found the responses very helpful. Hope this is okay.

OP posts:

SomeKindOfDeliciousBiscuit · 04/12/2015 00:00

Another one for AspieClub? It's me who always has to ask for changes to be made for my needs in our house, although I think we're all the same - aspie. My husband's very successful in IT. I'm a Sahm. DD goes to nursery and is well liked (she's all-round lovely so no surprise to me!) but I don't think they "get" it. She was in trouble for eating her lunch slowly and cried - she says she just likes the peace of being the last one in the room when everyone else is outside playing. She learns to be normal, however. Not sure how I feel about that. The more you learn about other people, and the earlier, the more easily you can co-exist. But I don't want her to suffer. It's hard, isn't it? She and I both reject the Tweenies, because the colours are insulting too bright

Do you ever suspect you may have aspergers? (Or do you know you have it?)

fuzzpig · 04/12/2015 00:15

I have Asperger's. I was diagnosed last month :)

It was missed in childhood because I was ridiculously compliant and clever (ie exactly the child my parents wanted), and in my teens I revealed abuse I'd been through so all my mental health troubles were (understandably) put down to that.

It felt SO good to have the assessment and to talk about everything, with somebody who really understood me. I think I can finally learn to accept myself :)

Madbythesea · 04/12/2015 00:19

just done the test and got 41 ?

Ive been thinking about it for years but dont even know how to approach a doctor.
going to now read the rest of the thread

southeastastra · 04/12/2015 00:22

i think i have it, but i don't find it a bad thing at all just i am interested in things that others arent

though i think we are all on the spectrum

FattyNinjaOwl · 04/12/2015 00:23

Not rtft but, Just done the rdos test. 144 out of 200, so apparently chances are I have aspergers.

fuzzpig · 04/12/2015 00:27

I'm currently reading the complete guide to AS by Tony Attwood, and am really enjoying it BTW. It is very detailed about all the issues somebody with AS may have, and there have been so many bits that have made me go "OMG YES that is SO me!" All those small issues that others may barely notice, but that really do add up to make me very unhappy with myself. To be able to officially recognise all these as part of my AS has been incredibly helpful. I keep thinking of what the specialist said at the end of my assessment - in the context of me feeling like a freak for my whole life: "For somebody with Asperger's, you are totally normal!" :o

Today I was waiting for the DCs to do their sports club. Normally I'd go over and chat with some friends, but today I just didn't feel up to making conversation. And that's ok. It feels a lot better knowing that I have a reason for needing solitude, and that as my friends are aware of my diagnosis, they don't feel offended if I sit out. I liked a picture I saw on facebook recently - "often alone - rarely lonely" - that's me that is :o

I am also pretty certain my DD(8) has it.

Akallabeth · 04/12/2015 01:02

I also have Asperger's (diagnosed) although some of my paperwork says I have Autism or an autistic Spectrum disorder/Condition. I'm not entirely sure what the difference is really, not that bothered about finding out either as it won't change who I am.

I'm quite sure my DS has it too, he is so much like me, but don't know how I would get him diagnosed or if it would be worth it. My DD is nothing like me, but has very many issues, that I sometimes wonder about her too. Tbh her's cause far more problems in life than mine or DS's. I worry that if I tried to pursue assessments for either of them, their symptoms would just be put down to environment (i.e. copying/coping living with me as a parent) or bad parenting (because I have AS) and I don't think I'd cope well with those outcomes.

MNHQ

BeccaMumsnet · 04/12/2015 17:28

Hi all - we're going to move this thread over to Mumsnetters with SN for the OP.

OSETmum · 04/12/2015 17:44

I'm 99% certain I have ASD but I don't see what a diagnosis would do now I'm an adult, other that make me seem 'weird'. I scored 39 on that test 😱. I'm not sure that test is very comprehensive though as it focuses mainly on social issues and there's a lot more to it. For example, I am massively hypersensitive to light touch, smell and sounds.

I do have huge social anxiety, although I've learned to make small talk and I'm really trying to know when to stop talking! The bit about not being able to read people massively struck home too, how can anyone know what's going on in someone else's head?

I'm not as obsessive now as an adult either, but I was as a child/ teenager. I'm surprised my parents didn't realise tbh!

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