Do you ever suspect you may have aspergers? (Or do you know you have it?)

[CrapBag]

It's something I have occasionally thought about.

I have frequently been told that I am honest (or blunt) and if people want an honest answer, they will come to me. I don't like to be rude and don't like the idea of upsetting people but sometimes I get the feeling I may have. A chat with a friend recently got me thinking and she said if we're talking and I don't want to do something or I don't agree I will just reply "no" and that's it. No discussion, I will just come out with it. She isn't the first person to say this to me. I genuinely can't understand why that may not be right.

Another friend once told me she thinks I am misunderstood and I don't mean any harm (true) but I'm not sure who is misunderstanding me or why.

I do like my routine. I don't like changing it. I would describe myself as set in my ways. I'm incredibly on top of things and organised (to the point people joke about me sorting their lives out). I am very black and white, no middle ground. I also have a very strong sense of fairness and hate injustice of any kind. I also find it very frustrating when people make a mistake on something and feel the need to correct it (I don't, I keep it to myself as I do know that would annoy people).

I have done the online test (I know, I know [http://archive.wired.com/wired/archive/9.12/aqtest.html here] and scored fairly highly.

I have always felt like I don't quite fit in although I think I do a pretty good job of covering this up. I feel like I am on the fringes quite often.

I know it doesn't really matter. I wouldn't say it affects my life although I do struggle with relationships quite a bit (not DH and DCs) mainly friends. I was just curious after my friends recent comment.

I've found that discovering this has been very positive. It's always been drummed into me that if only I did xyz I'd fit in/have friends/wouldn't be bullied, and as a consequence have always felt that the issues I have were all my fault.
Knowing that it is ASD has been eye opening and I feel better about things for the first time in years, and know that it's ok not to want to be sociable etc.

Perugia that very much like me. Especially the lack of female friends and small talk, shutting down and seriously considering I'm from another planet and it's only a matter of time before I'm picked up to report back

"Whilst I am caring and feel empathy towards others, if they are in physical pain, I don't 'really' accept it. It's weird, I know they are, because they have said, but because I can't feel it, it's like it's not really happening. It's like it couldn't be as bad as if I was in pain, because I can feel that but someone else's I can't, so it can't be as bad as mine. "

Oh thank god you said that, I'm so glad it's not just me.

I find this with emotional pain too though. Say a friend has split up with her boyfriend. I know what it feels like, I have been through it myself, but I find it almost impossible to imagine what she's feeling, i can't understand why they're feeling so bad. I have empathy, but it sometimes feels fake, and I find it very difficult to know what to say.

Hmm feel quite awful at having admitted that now. It makes no sense, I know.

signing in. scored highly on online tests I've done (my own mother tells me she thinks I (& my younger brother have it!).

How do you go about getting a private assessment?

Hidden I can PM you with details of someone who does academic (non official) assessments if you want?

That feeling dissociated from other people's pain (physical or emotional) is what the question about being able to imagine what it's like to be somebody else is like.

Neurotypical people can (generally) imagine what it would be like to be in another person's shoes and hence the empathy comes from understanding what it's like to be in that situation, or extrapolating their own experience of similar but not as bad situations (or something like that).

For example: I've never been a refugee but I've been frightened, so I can recall that feeling of fear and imagine that it's both amplified, and constant. I've never lost a child, but like any parent I've had moments where they almost had an accident, so to imagine that they are constantly in danger is a horrible feeling. As I'm imagining this, I'm feeling a muted version of what I imagine somebody in that situation must feel. My heart beats slightly faster, my face loses any trace of a smile and adopts a worried expression, my muscles relax and everything drops. A cold shiver goes down my back. It's a physical reaction. I'm not consciously making any of these body changes but they are happening (even now while I'm typing this). If I'm reading something particularly descriptive, I imagine it in so much detail that it might prompt me to start crying involuntarily.

As to whether it's a problem - not necessarily. I mean, perhaps it rules out being a bereavement counsellor as a career choice :o but day to day as long as you know that you're supposed to be nice to a person who is upset, I don't think it matters if you can specifically understand their upset. Some situations definitely benefit from a less emotional viewpoint.

(I'm posting because I'm on the support thread linked and I have suspected ADHD, not with no context at all :))

I am the same as you OP, to a tee. I also find social situations quite tricky. I don't think I have Aspergers though, it's just the way I am. I am not sure I think everything needs an explanation or diagnosis, it's a personality trait and a perfectly valid one at that.

Some people are loud and obnoxious, some quiet and shy, some have no self-awareness, others too much. It's just how it is.

is about. Not is like. (first line) Sorry.

I had a psychiatrist say they could refer me for ASD assessment, but it would be low priority, a two-year waiting list even if the referral were accepted, and there wouldn't be any support at the end of it - just tell me I had anxiety about specific issues, which I know already.

Then last year ds was assessed by a paediatrician, referred for ASD assessment, and the referral rejected on the grounds that there was a two-year waiting list, he was low priority, and might as well just try to deal with his specific anxieties.

Funnily enough, people say ds is mini-me. I never thought he and I (and MeNC) were particularly unusual until I had dd - the adorable alien...

Thing is, having found friends online since the early 90s, most of my friends have similar traits, so we have great parties. I recall a new friend saying "Wow, a party you can knit at! This is amazing!" - and me thinking "there are parties you can't knit at? Oh, I suppose there are but why would anyone go to them?" Not that I knit, but why wouldn't you let someone do so in your house while talking to you?

Dn has autism and in our house, it's simply not a problem because that's how we think. It's only really an issue at school because his teachers are incapable of empathising with him. I'm increasingly of the opinion that neurotypicals are actually worse at empathising than many ASD people, just that there's more of them so they are more often right when they think how they would react to something themselves.

People may find wrongplanet.net a useful support site it is based in the States and has a lot of threads and information on it.

Good thread. I score for ASD on the Baron-Cohen test too. There was a really interesting thread about this a couple of years ago (probably in Chat, so gone poof) and the OP linked to a much longer screening tool. It had the Baron-Cohen sort of stuff on it, but also items on it about whether you were or were not drawn to running water, whether you did or did not know what to do with your arms when you were out walking, that kind of thing. It scored for NT and for ASD, and the items were such that it was possible to score highly for both so you could exhibit both sets of traits simultaneously.

It was really interesting and a lot of us felt it explained why we were a certain way, particularly in terms of physical preferences, sensations, what you liked to look at, etc. My big 'find' was that NT people look at someone's eyes when they are talking. I always look at the mouth. That's the bit that's moving, so that's the bit I look at. Didn't ever occur to me that anyone would be interested in looking at the other person's eyes....

Wish I could flipping well remember what the tool was called!

Watchers, I think that test is linked in the thread a couple of us have linked to further up.
Is it the RDOS? (Can't remember, there's a few), there's also a long checklist by Tania Marshall.

Oooo!! Will go and have a look!

I think that's it!

I signed up to Wrong Planet a few years ago but couldn't use it, there are too many people on there and also they seem fond of the term 'aspie' which makes me gag.

But it is probably a good site if you can cope with big crowds of people!!

Oh I've done the other test too where is measures you against NT as well and gives you a nice graph and a breakdown of scores after. That told me it's very likely I have aspergers too. I liked the breakdown of info it gave, it was good to see. I like having things very clearly shown to me so I can u derstand it. Like when DS did his SATs last year, I did a lot of googling so I could understand the levels and where he was actually at and what it meant, same with his reading levels which I am finding frustrating because his school levels seem to differ slightly and I can't find burgandy on a reading level list. I do Google pretty extensively when I want information and to understand it. I then don't understand how the other mums haven't done this and they don't seem to know or understand what the levels mean. Maybe I have too much time on my hands .

I'm glad I'm not the only one with the pain thing. The DCs have coughs and colds at the moment and they are easing so it's hard to tell but they have been saying their heads hurt and they have sore throats, I have been struggling because I can tfeel it so I'm not sure I believe them btu they wouldn't say it if it wasn't true so I've given them some medicine and I know I have to trust what they are telling me.

thewatcherscouncil I don't look at people's eyes when they are talking either, I find it odd. I can make eye contact but it's not for long and I don't understand why you would stare at someone like that. I tend to look at other parts of their face/head instead and look around a bit before looking back. No one has ever pointed this out or said anything about it so I've never thought anything of it.

In fact I am happy to share, here is my graph.

I suspect I am, I am considering an assessment, the NAS were very helpful. I just skimmed the tgread and marking my place for later.

Yes, I think I am. I can't imagine seeking a diagnosis though. I don't have a "my GP" - I'm registered but never go to the doctor so they are all strangers to me. I'm afraid they would just scoff and send me away.

It is impacting my life though. When I was younger I could put up that facade of normality and maintain it enough to get by. As I get older (I am 36 now) I just seem to have less and less of the mental energy needed to do it. More and more often, I don't even try. I have wondered about depression, but I don't feel depressed; I'm not usually sad, I don't feel worthless, I still enjoy things as much as I always have, I look forward to things, I get up every day and get dressed and put on make-up.

But nonetheless, in some ways I'm really on a decline. I barely bother to talk to anyone outside my family...when my first DC started school I remember making the effort to talk to other parents in the schoolyard, I'd go and stand with them and do small talk as best I could. Now, I say hi if someone catches my eye but that's all. I just feel that the will to stand there and concentrate on things like making a normal amount of eye contact (too much? Not enough? Am I staring? Can I look away now? Do I look shifty?) and saying the right things to keep up a conversation ("Oh yes, me too...really? Wow...oh, I know...yeah...") has just gone from me.

It's getting to be an issue because both my DC are in school now, and at some point I'm going to need to get a job, which feels impossible. I don't know how to go about it or what to do, and fear that if I did, by some miracle, manage to get hired to do something, it would break me within months

Other things: I'm very sensitive to bright light, real or artificial. Never go anywhere without a pair of sunglasses. Feel panic if a motorbike or large vehicle goes by me at speed. Reject many foods untried because the texture looks wrong. Become obsessed with other foods for weeks or months and then abandon them. Obsessed with soft fabrics like cashmere and velvet. Research topics of interest to me exhaustively (usually TV programmes - I watch every episode and then settle in to read everything about it on the internet, actors' biogs, history of the show, how it was created...everything).

On empathy: I feel things very deeply. I never read newspapers or watch the news because the wars, disasters, crimes and stories of abuse hit me too hard and can affect me for a long time.

Considering all of my "quirks" in the light of possible ASD has been extremely interesting for me. It provides an explanation for many, many things. For example, at university I was never able to tell when I was being flirted with. I look back now at various incidents and moments and conversations I had and it's clear that that's what was happening, but at the time I never had any idea!

This says that I have aspergers.

The issue I have is when family members say they love me. I think 'well, I suppose you think you do, or you think you have to say that' but I don't actually believe it.

My ExH divorced me because he found my non NT ways very unpleasant to live with, and that is incredibly hurtful.

Can I have a link to the graph producing test please

Just put RDOS Test into the Google search box Shakey