Do you ever suspect you may have aspergers? (Or do you know you have it?)

[CrapBag]

It's something I have occasionally thought about.

I have frequently been told that I am honest (or blunt) and if people want an honest answer, they will come to me. I don't like to be rude and don't like the idea of upsetting people but sometimes I get the feeling I may have. A chat with a friend recently got me thinking and she said if we're talking and I don't want to do something or I don't agree I will just reply "no" and that's it. No discussion, I will just come out with it. She isn't the first person to say this to me. I genuinely can't understand why that may not be right.

Another friend once told me she thinks I am misunderstood and I don't mean any harm (true) but I'm not sure who is misunderstanding me or why.

I do like my routine. I don't like changing it. I would describe myself as set in my ways. I'm incredibly on top of things and organised (to the point people joke about me sorting their lives out). I am very black and white, no middle ground. I also have a very strong sense of fairness and hate injustice of any kind. I also find it very frustrating when people make a mistake on something and feel the need to correct it (I don't, I keep it to myself as I do know that would annoy people).

I have done the online test (I know, I know [http://archive.wired.com/wired/archive/9.12/aqtest.html here] and scored fairly highly.

I have always felt like I don't quite fit in although I think I do a pretty good job of covering this up. I feel like I am on the fringes quite often.

I know it doesn't really matter. I wouldn't say it affects my life although I do struggle with relationships quite a bit (not DH and DCs) mainly friends. I was just curious after my friends recent comment.

Rosie that's disgusting. How unprofessional. Is that your own personal experience?

tormentil I have to say that did make me laugh actually. I doubt the people in the room did though. I don't think I'm quite that bad. I know to hide a lot of what I really think unless it unwittingly blurts out before I think about it.

Bathsheba it's a way over the 32 which suggests you could have it. My score was only 1 higher.

That blog was very interesting. I often don't see people if I am walking down a street or something because I am focused on what I am doing and where I am going. I have walked past friends of mine who have called out to me. Can have a definite case of 'tunnel vision'. What the blogger said about driving was interesting as well. I do all of the driving and I will always go the route I know well regardless of how long it is. DH often asks me why I am going the way I am. I have to ask him to direct me if we go a different way or I'll ask him which way to go. I've been driving for 15 years! And I am a good driver.

I've thought I have aspergers since DS was diagnosed
I scored 37 on that test. I have discussed it with my GP and have wondered if it's worth getting a diagnosis

The NHS does a screening questionnaire and if you don't score highly enough on that they don't assess you, you see. The private psychologist I saw just carries out the full assessment on everybody.

Took three visits to my GP to persuade them to refer me on the NHS too.

itsbloody that really resonates with me. I think the obsessions etc can be more in males. I can get quite 'into' something and I supposed obsessed really but it's never anything to do with collecting because I don't like clutter anyway. I could have been university educated if I didn't leave (wish I had stayed but that was years ago now) and I am certainly no genius. I definitely feel like a watch others to see how to act and I don't get what I've said wrong. DH also points this out to me as well. I think I must be difficult to live with because things have to be done the right way but DH is pretty laid back and just let's me get on with it mainly. Or he certainly doesn't say if I does bother him.

Will PM you Westryder.

Some aspects are getting worse for me as I get older though. I find myself looking at someone who is in some way notable (very thin/very overweight/has acne/is stunningly beautiful/elderly - I get the Tube each day so see a variety) and have to remind myself that it is NOT OK to go up to them and say 'Do you realise that you're really quite old?' or words to that effect.

I live in fear of the day that it will just come out and I (and they) will die of shame

I've also been told that I'm being harsh/judgy a lot. And I find it very hard to cope when people get angry with me for not being happy, because basically it means that they want me to pretend to have feelings I don't have. This is anathema to me. I physically can't do it. Used to make my mother furious.

Oh I'm pleased to find this thread. Please excuse length of following post and if anyone can identify with any of it, please let me know!

I've wondered more and more about this the older I get.

I am also very black and white. There is no middle ground with me. Something either is or it isn't. I'm very pedantic and can't understand why people seem to have a problem with me being that way. I would also feel extremely irritated if someone was late picking me up and I can't abide being late myself (and I rarely am)

For example I get genuinely confused conversation wise if people don't mean what they say? I find myself often saying "But YOU said" to be met with "Well yes I know I SAID xyz but what I meant was ABC, why must you take everything so literally??" I know that sounds like it might be the norm/usual for anyone but (I'm not explaining myself very well here) it seems to be "more" for me.

I also have thousands of random facts stored away. I speed read and can spot an error in spelling/grammar a mile away and it irritates the hell out of me.

Also (and this is a strange one and I'm not sure if it's a "symptom" or not) I struggle with things that need re-doing. As in, normal weekly tasks. Like laundry. I will do the laundry, the washing baskets will be empty. Makes me feel great, I know the job has been done. Then next week, when I see the basket full again I am puzzled ( I know . I think "But I DID that??" And I'm genuinely dismayed that it needs doing again because I'd DONE it. And even though logically I'm aware that it will need doing, I'm still puzzled. Same with ironing, gardening etc.

Similar with ironing board. Everytime I get it out I cannot fathom how to put it up and take it down. Even though I've done it hundreds of times????

I like routine, I get unsettled and stressed if things change. I feel I must say I had an unconventional upbringing and I'm not sure how much of that attributes to my personality traits. As in, had it been a "usual" upbringing would I still be as I am? I am always petrified of "breaking laws" or getting into trouble and I like everything to be right. That said, I can be spontaneous. I do acting/singing and can be very outgoing, not reclusive etc.

Possibly.
My Dad has.
My dd has another diagnoses but I'm pretty sure Aspergers is there too (she's a teen almost)
She
Won't go to counters to be served
Gets very worked up if things aren't right
Hates busy situations and loud noises
Hates it if people are late, hates if she's late
Won't talk to people she doesn't know
Won't talk to people she does know half the time.
Is very literal
Is always upsetting others with bluntness

"don't you have to be extremely intelligent?"

No, that's one of the much bandied about myths of autism, along with assuming everyone with ASD struggles with eye-contact.

I've been invited to a fancy dress party. A FANCY DRESS PARTY!! I feel that I actually, physically, just cannot do this. It's stressing me out typing this. I don't mind going to the party and being the only one in my normal clothes, because I know that I just cannot and will not wear fancy dress. I can't even apologise for it.

Have a look over here, lots of MNetters either with a diagnosis, waiting for assessment or content with a self-diagnosis.

I have certain traits I think.

I can't bear being late or other people being late. If I'm even 3 minutes late (which hardly ever happens, I send an apologetic text and usually get a response back that that person is 10 mins late)!

Random incident: When I was pregnant I explained to a friend that I wouldn't be able to attend her wedding as I would then have a 2 week old (EBF) newborn. I apologised, she understood. A few weeks later, I received an invitation from her to the wedding. I just couldn't understand why she would send me an invitation when I had told her I couldn't attend (and still don't really) but my sister had to explain it to me, that she was being polite/following etiquette. Everything is black and white with me.

I can't bear some textures; mushrooms or anything slimey.

I find 'chit chat' hard/awkward and generally try to avoid it, eg I will wait in my car for as long as possible rather than try and fill silence with other parents' at school pick up. I am fine with silence but I find that they aren't and will talk about the weather etc which I have no interest in discussing. Maybe I'm just rude

See I think I'd prefer fancy dress... I can kind of hide the real me behind it, you know?

I've done the baron-cohen test several times, and scored 45-48. Fairly sure I have AS. DD has it, pretty sure my mother had it, and my sister.
Hmm.
I don't know what a diagnosis would do for me, or how it would change my life tbh.

I would avoid fancy dress too. That's my idea of hell.

Itsbloodyraining - I know exactly how you feel!
I've always hated fancy dress.
My BIL had a big fancy dress party (something beginning with P) for his 40th, everyone went to so much effort to dress up, dh (whose name begins with P) went as 's wife.
We have a big family event next year, involving a weekend away, I'm already very stressed about it and can't read messages about the planning without feeling sick and panicky. As it stands, I'm probably viewed as being lazy as I haven't volunteered to organise or do anything, but the thought of the event itself makes me freeze!

Interesting thing that was pointed out to me recently. I have always assumed that DD is NT. Then I had DS who is SUCH a different child. Total opposites. Then it just occured to me that DD shows certain traits (itsbloodyraining - fancy dress is impossible for her), but discounted it as me being weird/overanalytical. Then my friend said to me - of course you haven't noticed anything being different, she's just like you!

I don't think it affects her too much, and I'm not going to seek a diagnosis for her, I don't think it would be helpful at the moment.

Yes, in the last couple of years. Dh and I have both taken the test and come out as being AS. I also identified very strongly with many of the traits on a list I found of traits specific to women. I'll try to find it later.

However in other things I'm absolutely the opposite of AS characteristics, particularly those that most people probably think of as being the major clichéd traits. I'm very emotionally aware, have unusually good communication skills, very developed sense of social appropriateness.

It's odd.

I used to work with autistic children, did the training courses etc, but never thought it was me as I thought I was too sociable. Now I see that I have learnt how to chat and smile and be polite. I'm quite good at it. I've only put the pieces together over the last six months. Dh is not tolerant and doesn't understand how I think or how his behaviour causes me severe anxiety and leads to arguments.

One question for everyone, and I don't mean to be offensive, but how do people think of us? I know I'm coming across as black and white and inflexible to people, but are they thinking I'm a weirdo?? Do they see me as a freak? Or just think "that's the way she is".

I can only answer with what people have said to me, which is that I'm odd, or weird, or say things that others find offend them.

I think I'm perceived as really strange, and that's difficult to live with but easier when I think it maybe has a reason, and that other people have the same difficulties and the same reason (roughly).

Even a self diagnosis has helped in that regard. I have always been told I'm different. It helps me to feel less shit about it.

I don't think I have aspergers.

I have many of the traits described on here, some in the extreme.

It's who I am though. I'm an introverted, unsociable, shy pedant.

My mother is autistic. I'm fairly sure of it and always have been. Two of my nieces are autistic, one severely so and it become more obvious every day that my niece is just like a mini version of my Mum. She does have a sensory processing disorder but think the sole focus on that has missed something key. It's very interesting watching how she has learned to adapt through the years. My Grandma said the other day "oh she's always been a funny little thing, even as a child. Obsessive, intransigent, a loner". I think she's of a generation that just didn't consider it.

35

I found this question weird "I find it difficult to imagine what it would be like to be someone else". It never crosses my mind to even do such a thing.
Is that bad?

I think my mum has it too, and my dad...but as you say no one considered it then.

My middle son is likely to have it. We are waiting for an assessment. He's very like I am though, and gets called names at school a lot when he is pretty shy and means no harm to anyone. It's really unfair.

I wish they would pick on the nasty kids, not the ones who mean so well.

shakey I do identify with a lot of your post. This in particular.

"I am also very black and white. There is no middle ground with me. Something either is or it isn't. I'm very pedantic and can't understand why people seem to have a problem with me being that way. I would also feel extremely irritated if someone was late picking me up and I can't abide being late myself (and I rarely am)

For example I get genuinely confused conversation wise if people don't mean what they say? I find myself often saying "But YOU said" to be met with "Well yes I know I SAID xyz but what I meant was ABC, why must you take everything so literally??" I know that sounds like it might be the norm/usual for anyone but (I'm not explaining myself very well here) it seems to be "more" for me.

I also have thousands of random facts stored away. I speed read and can spot an error in spelling/grammar a mile away and it irritates the "

My GP's just chatting to my psychiatrist about getting a diagnosis. The psychiatrist has previously said that he doesn't think a diagnosis will help - he feels I've created a life that works fine for me, and that a diagnosis wouldn't change that. I can see his point, but at the same time, I'm keen to go ahead.

I don't score at all highly on the Baron-Cohen test, but then frankly I think half the questions don't make sense.

I mean, the one about 'I would rather go to a library than to a party'.
a) presumably they mean 'I would rather be in a library than in a party', because surely the point isn't the journey to my local library v the journey to some unspecified party. The walk to the local library is very pleasant, so in general I enjoy the journey.
b) what library? different libraries are very different in content, purpose, atmosphere and location. Do they mean the University library or the City library?
c) do we have to spend the same amount of time there? I mean, is it 'I would rather spend 2 hours in a library than 2 hours at a party', or is it 'I would rather go to the library for 10 mins to collect my books than spend 2 hours at a party'
d) what time of day? you can't go to a library on Saturday evening, so it isn't an option.
e) Have they been to the local library lately? The noise and crowds are terrible. I dive in and out as fast as possible. I love getting new books to read, but I don't like being in the library.
f) why a library rather than a bookshop? Is there something specific about libraries rather than bookshops?
g) who is at the party? how many people? what sort of party?
h) don't they know that NHS guidelines on mental health say that you should socialise with friends, aka parties, and make no mention of going to libraries?
i) it's not actually a realistic choice, is it? I can count the number of times I've been invited to a party this year on one hand. Make that one thumb. Whereas a library is open to all tax payers.