Do you ever suspect you may have aspergers? (Or do you know you have it?)

[CrapBag]

It's something I have occasionally thought about.

I have frequently been told that I am honest (or blunt) and if people want an honest answer, they will come to me. I don't like to be rude and don't like the idea of upsetting people but sometimes I get the feeling I may have. A chat with a friend recently got me thinking and she said if we're talking and I don't want to do something or I don't agree I will just reply "no" and that's it. No discussion, I will just come out with it. She isn't the first person to say this to me. I genuinely can't understand why that may not be right.

Another friend once told me she thinks I am misunderstood and I don't mean any harm (true) but I'm not sure who is misunderstanding me or why.

I do like my routine. I don't like changing it. I would describe myself as set in my ways. I'm incredibly on top of things and organised (to the point people joke about me sorting their lives out). I am very black and white, no middle ground. I also have a very strong sense of fairness and hate injustice of any kind. I also find it very frustrating when people make a mistake on something and feel the need to correct it (I don't, I keep it to myself as I do know that would annoy people).

I have done the online test (I know, I know [http://archive.wired.com/wired/archive/9.12/aqtest.html here] and scored fairly highly.

I have always felt like I don't quite fit in although I think I do a pretty good job of covering this up. I feel like I am on the fringes quite often.

I know it doesn't really matter. I wouldn't say it affects my life although I do struggle with relationships quite a bit (not DH and DCs) mainly friends. I was just curious after my friends recent comment.

Oh god Sapele! Is that really what people have said? I'm worried that people have been pointing at me for years and I'm the last one to cotton on. Is that why I have no friends? :-(

I didn't mean to freak you out, sorry - I am sure if that was the case, someone would have said something to you. I have had a lot of comments throughout my life. I haven't ever understood what it is that I do that's so different, and no one has been able, or wanted, to explain it to me, but people don't hold back especially other children if they think you are odd.

You would know about it for sure if people thought that about you

I think people would say I'm slightly odd. I have no self awareness when it comes to singing out loud. Be it in the supermarket, street, wherever. It's like a compulsion. If someone utters a word or phrase that I know is in a song (particularly musicals) then I can't help singing that particular line. Friends and family are used to it. But that could just be joire de vivre or enthusiasm as opposed to anything else. Sigh. I don't know, I'm just me

itsbloody I have often been described as weird, by one person in particular. I cannot work out why she thinks I am weird.

Others would describe me as honest, direct, want an answer get a very direct one, probably rude at times maybe, very black and white (in fact this is what my friend did say to me recently) and no faces. You know where you are with me as I just can't fake being nice to people I don't like.

One thing I read on a link was about cutting our relationships with no warning. Yes! I've done this with friends because I don't want to deal with the confrontation or fallout that I know is coming. In fact I'm losing a whole group of friends because I am trying to avoid the awkwardness with one person who has been a bitch to me and I can't fake or pretend to be her friend again. I'd rather hide than face awkwardness.

Sleepy "I'm very emotionally aware, have unusually good communication skills, very developed sense of social appropriateness."

Yes, me too! I also dress beautifully, have a beautiful home, etc.

I think it's because if you've applied your intelligence and processing skills to analysing communication and emotion, you can beat someone who's doing it naturally.

I'm fairly sure I am since getting DS (4) diagnosed earlier this year. I had no idea it presented differently in women, but soon found out when (obsessively, ha ha) researching it for DS. For the first time ever I'd found something that described me exactly and I realised perhaps I'm not a special snowflake after all

Funny thing was, I always thought DH had it, but when we both did various online tests he always scored lower (borderline, usually, with me well into the autistic range) and I'd joke what rubbish they were. It never occurred to me that actually they might have been right until I found out the gender differences.

I'd love to get a diagnosis but I'm terrified of being told I'm not, if I even get so far as to find somebody who'd be happy to assess. It's provided me with a lot of comfort and relief in my life to have an explanation for so many things now and I'd hate to have that taken away!

I don't need a diagnosis to help with anything, I've become pretty damned good at "masking" over the years and I don't feel it holds me back aside from a few sensory issues, face-blindness, auditory processing problems and intolerance which for that I can usually work past nowadays. But it would be good to know for certain.

Sleepy, have a look at this

Yes, I've suspected that I have it for ages. I've considered pursuing a diagnosis but I'm not sure what it would achieve.

I scored 45

I scored 33. Hmm.

shit. 32. not surprised really though. had to learn how to interact socially. still a bit crap. definitely traits where I know I am behaving in an aspie way. for example written communication from school. defintitely strong sense of fairness etc. ds has asd.I think there is a genetic bit from both parents. doubt I would get a diagnosis

My score on the first linked test came out as 27, but I think it would have been much higher, if I had taken it 15 or 20 years ago. I feel like I have learned how to adapt my behaviour a lot since my late teens.

Seaforests, interesting theory! And I'm the same as you - have beautiful house and dress well (when I want to- I also love comfort and practicality and do like jeans and a fleece.)

I do have my own taste- and it's not at all fashion led- but your point is really interesting because I kind of know about myself that I have a weird inability to choose an outfit or decor scheme for example if I don't feel happy that it's an accepted 'look'- even an unusual/quirky one, and not necessarily a media-endorsed one. I have to know that the elements I've chosen I've seen somewhere in real life or a magazine.

I can't do that thing of filling a house with random stuff I like and feeling that it looks good at the end. While I'm very very aesthetic, I also need that mental reassurance that the end result is a 'thing', if that makes sense?!

I'm basically still doing what I did in school when I couldn't 'decide' on my own handwriting style and spent several years alternatively copying the styles of my friends.

I'm an absolutely compulsive people watcher and notice tiny details and the end result is that I have a more heightened sense of awareness than most of what different types of people wear and what stuff they have. It's all a study for me.

I've wondered. I got 37 - I completely relate to the social things, but I'm a writer and live half my life in my imagination, so I don't fit that part of it at all.

I do notice that I deal with many things by logic-ing them out. I completely can't figure out people's emotions or motivations myself, but if someone explains what is going on to me I can behave appropriately to get what I want. One bizzare one was at work where a woman who bullied a bunch of people (and eventually had a big HR thing and left) kept saying the oddest things to me that just didn't make sense, and it was months after she left before I realised she had been trying to insult me. It just completely went over my head.

But as far as perception goes, I once mentioned to someone at work how I have trouble telling people's intentions, and she was honestly surprised. Apparently I come across as empathetic (I think I am) and very clued in and good in social situations (absolutely not!).

a psychologist said I do exhibit a lot of Autistic tendencies (like high up there), but I didn't go further with it as have a lot of coping methods for it now, only really have a bad time dealing with it after certain situations

DP also has been told he has tendencies, and went further with it through his work.

DS1 has been diagnosed, DS2 came out NT according to his test

I have found my people! Yes, this is me too. DD is in the process of being assessed and I think the reason we didn't pick up on anything earlier is because she's very like me

Oh and I scored 43 on the top test.

I got 38. I don't think I'm fully there but I do think I have traits.

I would never think to ask how someone is, nor keep in touch with family for anything other than a specific purpose.

I have a brilliant memory which, through my school years, was confused for intelligence.

DD just scored 42

Sleepy I know what you mean about choosing accepted things. If someone has the same clothes or possessions as me I am pleased because it means I'm fitting in.

I just thought of something else, which may just be me being odd or it may be normal and I just haven't realised it.

Whilst I am caring and feel empathy towards others, if they are in physical pain, I don't 'really' accept it. It's weird, I know they are, because they have said, but because I can't feel it, it's like it's not really happening. It's like it couldn't be as bad as if I was in pain, because I can feel that but someone else's I can't, so it can't be as bad as mine.

Although I accepted it when my friend broke her leg recently but the bone was sticking out and she had surgery and it looks bad and has been laid up for ages, so I can accept that. I think it's if you can't see a reason for the pain.

39

Don't know whether it's aspergers or just introversion and intolerance of other people though.

I took the adult test online from the Cambridge Research Insitute when a psychology friend told me he thought I had it. I was in denial for nearly a year and then after an awful month of poor mental health I took the questionnaire and scored borderline Asperger's.

My anxiety management is much more skilled now and I feel stronger for knowing. I went to the lovely lady GP over it although she was more than happy to refer me to the psychologist she advised as there is no cure that I may lose work confidence and she had seen a lot of people suffer as a result of knowing.

I respected everything she told me and consequently withdrew the referral (the locum gp had previously put the application in place).

I manage the condition through a strong spiritual practice (without sounding pompous!) and Bach Flower remedies. I also take lofepramine. I rarely get depressed n ow it is more anxiety I live with but I am a single parent with no family support and a violent ex so I do have my reasons I am only human! I still manage very well from knowing however it has been a real breakthrough to learn this and I would recommend to anybody to look into it unformally onlline.

It was VERY traumatic to learn about it since I was in my late forties at the time and this is after a lifetime of endless self-help over the years, trips to the homoeopath, counsellor etc when younger, spending a small fortune on various holistic treatments etc. Now I know why I was going! Small wonder. At least there is a REASON it made so much sense!

To the person who mentioned above the issue with parties and libraries don't worry we are all abhorrent of parties and large noisy crowds in abundance and infinitely prefer libraries and getting our nose in a good book!

Please don't feel alone - I do hope this helps. :)

I suspect I might on the spectrum somewhere. Although, like many women, have adapted and worked on my social skills so I don't stick out like a sore thumb as much as I used to.

I find it hard to get close to people as I'm quite closed off and find it particularly hard forging close female friendships. One of my friends always used to say that my difficulty making female friends was because I refuse to do the 'cooing' that's associated with a lot of female interactions. You know the "oooooooh I love your bag where did you get it" bollocks.

I am absurdly blunt and have been described as tactless.

I am very routine oriented. DH finds it annoying.

I suffer with social anxiety and prefer solitude. My idea of bliss is a quiet house with a really good book and a cup of rooibos.

I'm not very good at expressing how I feel and tend to shutdown when I feel overwhelmed.

One of my university lecturers suspected aspergers and I was put forward for testing but I didn't want to go. I was afraid of being labelled.

I've always felt like I'm from another planet.